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Sunday – 12 Jamadi ul Awwal 1424 – 22 Asadh 1925 – 13 July 2003

i live in a city with 11 million other people. doing the math there should be a lot of people who can be my boyfriend. but i havent found one. man. well gay life here is a little subdued. so i meet people over the net. over the net there are two catagories of men. those who are pigs and those who i dont like. well that said let me proceed.

usually every conversation starts with a person being reasonable and normal. then with time you think maybe this is a decent human being. but you end up saying no. everyone wants to meet after the first chat or conversation. and i want to tell them to take it slow. but no. they want to meet and have sex after the first interaction. so these are the kind of people who are basically looking for sex than a relationship. man this sux. then there are the people who are nice and normal. but no spark. actually when i realize that i dont like someone. they usually turn out to be decent reasonable human beings. all this sux man. it is very hard coping with this. in a city of 11 million there has got to be someone. but i havent found him yet. maybe i will maybe i wont. but comeon a guys gotta have what a guys gotta have. well maybe i am just overreacting after an irc chat last night. i really liked the guy. one of the few who i actually liked. but he ends up asking to meet me. i tell him with time. and hes like. he has to have sex. and i am tell him that he is a pig. then he tells me to fuck off and leaves. and i am left sitting on the chair thinking. what an asshole. well that is past me. i wont think about that again.

another thing that nearly scared me to death yesterday. while i was writing my previous post. my sister sortof crept up on me. she is very young and probably didnt read anything. she just wanted to scare me. and WHOA she did that. my family doesnt know i am gay. well they would have found out if she read the post. well thank god she didnt. i am going to be more careful from now on.

also there is suddenly this pressure on me for getting married and settling down. i dont know what to do. completely stuck. well ill keep you guys posted about how it works out. what excuses i use to keep my marriage away. and what not. i hate this. why cant people just be allowed to be gay if they are gay. why does society have to put so many limitations on us.

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