Saturday – 19 Jamadi ul Awwal 1424 – 29 Asadh 1925 – 20 July 2003
OH MY GOD! the best of news ever. and the worst of news ever. first the best news.
i have finally been able to connect to irc. i go to a few channels there to meet people. actually i go there to find ‘the one’. well. i was there all night last night. i met someone.
it was so so so frikking scary the way we had things in common. at one time i was actually going to stop chatting coz i got really freaked. but it was awesome. we had so much in common. so much. at one moment i asked got so exasperated i asked him. “dont effing tell me your favourite colour is blue and your sign is virgo”. well i was expecting a different answer. but i got an answer that actually made me swoon. “actually my favourit coloyr is blue and i am a virgo” then he goes on and tells me. but i also like whites blacks and anything in between them and blue. OOOOO MMMMMYYYYYYY GGGGGOOOOODDDDD !!!!! i had goosebumps all over. because that is exactly what i would have said. this is just one thing. we have millions of other things in common.
i was so excited i couldnt focus. i was so so so shocked and happy. we bonded like hell. we TALKED ! everything was the same. we both belong to similar families. think alike. are similar situations. it was awesome. i think he might be ‘the one’. :)
well unfortunately i gave him the addy to my blog. but i hope he wont read it and think i haven fallen head over heels in love with him. and realize i am to desperate and psychotic and leave me. PLEASE ALLAH PLEASE make this one work.
i mean chatting with someone for all night here in pakistan means spending a night talking in america. oh it was magical.
maybe you people dont understand the importance of this night. it was THE night. and he is THE guy. i have never met someone who i was so interested in.
now comes the bad news.
he lives in rawalpindi. very very far away.
now comes the horrible news
I AM SUCH A MORON !!!
he is 5’7. i am attracted to men at least as tall as me. (he is perfect for me)
there is no other thing the problems. he is good looking. he is everything i can ever ask for. and here i am already creating issues. i dont like this i dont like that. there are too aools righ tnow. one is saying. this is wrong. that is wrong. the other is saying. shut the fuck up you moron. he is perfect. you have to look for another 10 years to find someone like him.
yes he is younger i like guys my age or slightly older. GODDAMIT YOU ARE A MORON AOOL
i hate myself. i wanted the perfect guy. i got him. now i am looking for everything. gooddamit man. i can get everything. GROW THE FUCK UP!
i am hating myself for this. i keep telling myself. even this guy is too good for me. but no. i dont listen. i want a man who had all the good qualities of all the men that currently reside on the atlantic seaboard. GODDAMIT you cant have all that. it is just not possible. i am a mess i hate myself. he is perfect. PERFECT !!!. i dont know what is wrong with me.
i am keeping my criterion so high that noone EVER! will come upto it. and someone actually does that. he will not stay with me because 1 hed be an angel and having a homosexual relationship would be out of the question or 2 he will find someone upto his standards and his liking where i will definitely not fit.
GOD I HATE THIS !!! i have the perfect guy but i want more. HELP ME !!! ALLAH !!!