Archive for September, 2003

well needless to say i having HORRIBLE problems ad…

well needless to say i having HORRIBLE problems adjusting to family life after college. i know i know everyone in pakistan lives like this. but i cant. its done. i cant. its horrible ok. you dont know. it is horrible.

they are always expecting things from me which i cannot give. i mean come on i am not a prophet or god. they want me to be this and that and to do this and that. i cant do all that. i got used to an independent life after college. i cant do it.

and since i cannot come upto their expectiation which i think i should. i feel like a loser and a failure as a son and a brother. damnit. i hate all this. i actually feel like i am failing all of them. i feel like i am not coming upto any of my responsibilites.

yes you are right. i did have a fight with my mom today as well. but today she won. she told me that i should be living alone coz i am a liability and not an asset. she told me that i am not at all street smart and even her daughters are better at guy things. then she told me that i have only hurt her and never been a source of comfort to her. blah blah blah. long story short and my own interpretation. she wished she had some other person for a son. GOOD!

and as soon as i finished the last post i heard a …

and as soon as i finished the last post i heard a song by nazia hassan.

she was a wonderful singer. i think she was the first to introduce popular (pop) music into pakistan at a larger scale and level. her songs are evergreen. every pakistani in my age group will remember her songs like childhood memories …

sooraj chalta hay …… aap jaisa koi …… zara chehra to …… dhere dhere …… ooee ooee :) …… sun meray mehboob sun

and so many others. these are songs that if you start to sing with someone in my age group they will start at it for no reason at all. it is a common cultural bond between pakistanis of my age. nazia hasan and her music. the many many super hits of our childhood. the songs that we heard over and over all over the media and on countless cassette players all over pakistan.

nazia hasan was a pakistani cultural icon. it is so unfortunate that she is with us no more. and it is so unfortunate that she died so very far away from her land.

may allah make pakistan good enough for pakistanis especially those who want to live here but are forced by circumstances to leave pakistan for greener pastures in the west.

i couldnt make it today. i meet T every night at 2…

i couldnt make it today. i meet T every night at 2300 on msn messenger. but today i couldnt. i got late. i came home at 0230. DARN. i miss him. and i have nothing else to blog about. so i will just type the songs that i listen to tongiht as i sorf the net.

Nazia Hassan – Camera Camera

Chopin – Minute Waltz

Iqbal Bano – Muhabbat Karney Walay Kam Na Hon Gay

Jefferson Starship – Its not over till its over

U2 – Montgomerys Visit

Vivaldi – Winter

Engelbert – Love me like i love you

Fareeda Khanum – Chand Nikle Kisi Janib Teri Zebai Ka

Jagjit Singh – Zulmat Kade main meray

Scatman – Scatmans world

Mehdi Hasan – Pyar Bhare Do Sharmeelay Nain

Rolling Stones – It must be hell

Rafi – Khoya Khoya Chand

Indian Oldie – Saagar Kinare

a huge mixture of indian and pakistani movie music. along with south asian classical and semi classical music. and european classical music. and the new western music.

ill go now and let you listen to your own musics. ;)

when you chat with someone for everynight for two …

when you chat with someone for everynight for two weeks. it is a general expectation that you meet. that is what happened here. T was asking to meet but not mentioning it. it was like a question suspended in mid air and i knew it was there. well yesterday i felt the urge to take the next step and meet him.

i told him about it and he was quite happy about it. so we decided to meet. since he is slighly bus we will meet friday for lunch. i know i know what kind of a horrible date is a lunch date. but see i dont call it a date i call it a meeting. and T noticed this word VERY much “meeting?” isnt that a date and i was like “yeah yeah”. so basically since it is lunch which is like a TERRIBLE date so we are having a meeting. god i hate this. i think he felt bad coz i called it a meeting and not a date. but i think ill make it upto him later on ;)

so well we both do not offer friday prayers. :) so we are going to meet on friday. and yes one horrible thing. we havent decided. hmmmmmmm. seems like i will have to talk to a lot of friends to find out where we can have decent lunch in karachi. :) so all of you. wish me luck on my date … err … meeting thing :)

and how are your lives proceeding.

also i read recently that the french revolution took place not because the french were the most wretched but because they were the best off. hmmm.

i went to get my sister from her school today. she…

i went to get my sister from her school today. she is in the 6th grade. i went inside to pick her up. she and her friends were giggling together like girls for 6th grade do. very interesting. as soon as i got close enough she smiled and gave me her bag.

when i came outside she told me all her friends were asking her about who i am. so i asked her what did you tell them. she told me that she didnt tell her friends that i was her brother. taken aback i asked her why ? she said because i didnt look good enough and i wasnt wearing proper clothes. she was right. loolz.

i have never felt this rejected in my life. and since you all know i dont even have an iota of self respect. it didnt even make me feel bad. so that fact that i dont feel bad is what is irking me right now.

the guy who sent the email where he said that he w…

the guy who sent the email where he said that he was surprised to see allah and gay in the same sentence. please email me again. i am a moron and i deleted the items of my inbox after i finished reading your email. you seem like a person one can be friends with. please dont leave me alone because i am an idiot.

first of all i will give you all some unsolicited …

first of all i will give you all some unsolicited advice keeping in mind that what happened to me yesterday can happen to anyone. never stand under a tree with LOTS of birds. you might get your clothes dirty. and also you might have to go home to clean up. and later on find out from other people that you missed a perfectly excellent evening.

something very interesting happened last night. i was chatting with the guy (whome i have been chatting with every night for some time now :)) and he asked me if i have a fetish about uniforms and i said. yes. then he asked me if i have a fetish about guys in (his profession here) and i said yes. he was VERY amused. then i asked him if he had a fetish about guys in (my profession here) and he said yes. well come on it did seem interesting at that time.

also he asked me to meet him. sure i know him for some time now. but i have never met someone i met over the internet. also i have never been on a date. so i am dead scared. i think ill stall and stall and stall until some time. then i will meet him. shivers running down my spine. but the thing is we have VERY VERY similar interests. there are four things that we are both VERY interested in and i dont think there are people interested in even one of them. this is what makes this so interesting. architecture, urban/town planning, south asian history and south asian classical music. i mean come on. what are the chances. i cant believe this. he is nice and educated. and also. he knows french;) his urdu is impeccable. what more can i ask for. and yes. he has a sense of houmor. he actually has a sense of humour !!!

oh wait. ill be back in 5 mins. i think i am going to faint with delight … … … … … … … i am back. ok bye :)

Have not been posting for some time. The reason ca…

Have not been posting for some time. The reason can be seen from the following story.

Me, my cousin and a friend went for tea. We were sitting in the tea shop. Just ordered. My cousin had just lighted his cigarette. We had ordered three “doodh patti” (extra milky tea). Suddenly I saw there was someone standing right besides me. I looked up. There was a man standing there. The waiter who was passing by told us he needed money. We were confused.

He suddely started speaking. I usually avoid such encounters because generally people who beg arent worthy of the money and I dont want to say no. But this was no general case. My cousin suddenly something that caught my ears. I cant understand English to him. I looked up. The guy was looking at me and started talking in English. “I am a Mechanical Enigneer. I have been in the Army. I dont have a job. I have to feed a family”. Although heavily accented, but, grammatically correct English. I was shocked.

Only educated people know English in Pakistan. A mere 3 % of the most educated people can talk the way he did. I was shocked. Is Pakistan really gone to this level of poverty, destitution and social destruction. Has it come to this that people with a bachelors degree in engineering, not the liberal arts, engineering have to go begging for tea and a biscuit or a little money. I mean what is this coming to.

While he was asking for money he broke down and started sobbing. Every sob hit on my nerves like a hammer. Every sniff was an explosion in my thought. I have no idea how I sat there. I have no idea how i got the audacity to ask my cousin if I should give him money. I have no idea how I could have possibly sat there and been so cold and steely.

Well we gave him some money. Came back home. I was quiet in the tea house and on the way back home. The others didnt even stop for that. But as soon as we were home. There was a lot of merrymaking.

That is how we feel about this. Surrounded by abject poverty and destitution we have become used to it and do not even pay it heed for more than 15 minutes. But one thing is going on. For the last 2 days I have been hearing a poem written by faiz and sung by iqbal bano in my head.

Hum Dekhain Gay

Lazim Hay Keh Hum Bhi Dekhain Gay



Sab Taaj Uchalay Jaen Gay

Sab Takht Giraey Jaen Gay



Bas Naam Rahey Ga Allah Ka

Aur Raaj Karey Gi Khalq e Khuda

Jo Main Bhi Hoon Aur Tum Bhi Ho

We will see

Imperative that we will see



All the crowns will fall

All the thornes will fall



Only Allahs name will remain

All Allahs beings will rule

That I am and that you are

Let up hope and pray for the best.

Life goes on. Day by day. Month by month. Year by …

Life goes on. Day by day. Month by month. Year by year. Century by century. Millennium by millennium. People live people die. Feet walk the streets and are no more. Cities rise and cities fall. Civilization prosper and then become mere tribes. Time consumes all. Nothing is left. Save two things. Wonders for which manking toiled in the blistering sun and the freezing cold. Names of men great and tall who rise above the crowd.

Looking from an external and outside perspective. We are so so small. One Man does not matter. Neither does one villiage or city. Or for that matter nation or civilization. They are all transient details. What matters in the global movement. The global movement for excellence and perfection. The global movement of ideas, thought and ideals. The will to learn and the will to strive. That is what remains. All else is lost.

Makes me seem so small. Make my problems so petty and unimportant. The bigger picture. The real bigger picture. To think how Man developed from the wild tribes 7000 years ago to this level today. Within 7000 years we have found out how to split the atom and hence destroy ourselves. But we have also made the UNO to save us from that. We have made weapons but not books. It is time that man matured and acted as the real inhertor of the 7000 of history. It is about time all war ended.

WOW WOW WOW !!! Well I was chatting with the gu…

WOW WOW WOW !!!

Well I was chatting with the guy I told you all about. T. And OH MY GOD! He is very interested in Urban Planning. I am fascinated by the subject. What are the chances ? I mean come on.

Over the past two days I have chatted with him about. South Asian History, Architecture, Music, Society, Arts, Culture. And again OH MY GOD!!! OH MY GOD !!! I have completely fallen for him. He is interested in everything I am interested in.

I mean I cannot say how VERY uncommon it is. He is interested in South Asian Classical Music. He is interested in South Asian History. He is even VERY good in Urdu but his English is shaky. BUT OH MY GOD !!! He knows French. This is SO cool. So wish me luck. Please dear God dont let him read this.

Jalal over and out.