Archive for October 26, 2003

The breaking point has been reached.

The breaking point has been reached.

My mom and my sisters told me father that I lock m…

My mom and my sisters told me father that I lock my door for hours and sit on the Internet. He thinks I am hooked to porn. I was so embarrased. I want to die. And honestly it is a lie. I dont sit on the computer when I lock my door. When my door is locked. I cry. That is what I am doing. And they lied to my father about me who now thinks that I am some sort of a Perverted Maniac.

Way to go Jalal.

Too fucking depressed to do anything. I am so afra…

Too fucking depressed to do anything. I am so afraid that if this keeps up I will have a nervous breakdown. Hurting my family even more.

I can feel that in about half an hour ill need to start blaming someone else but me. Which invariable ends up being Allah. And I will again become seriously blasphemous.

Way to go Jalal.

I am sorry but this is going to be another post ab…

I am sorry but this is going to be another post about me and my family.

I am not mentally unstable. I have periods where I am in a bad mood. Doent mean that I am insane. But I hate my life with my family. I cannot get along with my mom at all. I cannot give time to my sisters who feel neglected. I cannot do my work properly due to this. I want the house to be kept properly which my mom can not do and I get very seriously irritated.

Basically I am just a fucking loser. I have failed in practical life. I cannot live like this. I cannot talk to my mom about all this because she has stopped listening to me. I was so irritated with getting luch SO late … at about 5 pm that I was very rash with my sister. She was crying because of me. When I went to talk to her. She told me that I am a horrible person and that she hates me.

Well that is more like a day in my life. I have constant fights with everyone. Noone else fights with anyone else. I am the animal in the house who fights with everyone. They all say that I am a bad person. They all blame me for it. And I and they all feel that I am a loser, failure and a horrible person.

Wow. I love my life. It is really really nice being like this. I mean why would someone ever NOT want a life where they are have fallen in the eyes of others and in their own eyes as well.