100 point odyssey through my life. n…

100 point odyssey through my life. no particular order. CAUTION : proceed at your own risk.

001 – I am an idiot to think that any of you will like to read this list. But I am posting it all the same because, like I said I am an idiot.

002 – I like old nostalgic songs on TV.

003 – I like to listen to South Asian Classical Music (raagas for those who dont know what I am talking about)

004 – My friends and our friendship is very important for me.

005 – I use English spellings rather than American spellings.

006 – I like the sound of Azaan for Maghrib because of the feeling that it evokes.

007 – My fake sex buddy is David Fumero.

008 – I like to listen to Ghazals.

009 – I think that People who follow soap operas for more than 3 years should be relocated and not allowed to see that soap any more.

010 – I have fallen in love once and fallen out of it as well (after being dumped).

011 – The college majors that I wanted to do at some time in my life included Architecture, History and Urdu.

012 – I often say ‘aray!’ and also ‘oh my god!’ in real life.

013 – My favourite character on the TV serial Friends is Chandler, Frasier is Daphne, Everybody Loves Raymond is Frank, 3rd rock from the sun is Sally, Star Trek TNG is Commander Troy, Star Trek Original is Spock and Star Trek Enterprise is

014 – I dislike and oppose violence and war.

015 – I like pictures of beaches in Latin American countries (wow they are a HOT people).

016 – For me the biggest turn on is a ‘man’ (masculine and wild).

017 – For me the biggest turn off is if someone uses a linguistically incorrect sentence or if they talk in a bad accent (no hard and fast rules. I decide which accent is good or bad)

018 – I seriously dislike if someone uses wrong grammar in Urdu or English.

019 – I seriously dislike if someone uses wrong pronunciation in Urdu or English.

020 – I seriously dislike if someone has a bad accent (bad by my standards not any specific standard).

021 – I am very attracted to policemen. Specially uniformed policemen from America and Europe.

022 – I can understand written French, Farsi and Arabi crudely.

023 – I like to watch satellite images and aerial images of the earth and different parts of it (yes you are right. I am a big big BIG freak).

023 – Humour I like – Satire or Wit? Satire.

025 – My favourite modern time and place combinations. Paris under the sun king. Dehli under Shah Jahan. Vienna at the time of Mozart. London under Queen Victoria. Berlin 1938. New York now. Karachi now. (I also fantasize a lot about these and life there).

026 – My favourite English TV shows are Friends, Everybody loves Raymond, Frasier, Drew Carey show, Sex and the city, 3rd rock from the sun, Star Trek (The Next Generation, Original, Enterprise).

027 – When I went to the US I used to sit besides a lake a lot. The lake and its beaches were private property but noone lived on this side of the lake. I used to go in because I wouldnt be intruding on anyone. I was caught trespassing by a cop. I have this thing about cops and I had this huge thing about him at that time very muscular and all. To save myself from trouble I had to act as if I cant speak English at all. H bought it and he checked my passport and let me go. Of course I couldnt ask him out. I am such an idiot.

028 – My favourite job would be one where I get to live in many different cities and countries all over the world.

029 – I am currently working as a journalist in a newspaper. I write some of those inconsequential reports on the inner pages.

030 – I dislike bigotry and intolerance (by the way I am told that I am a bigot).

031 – Mehdi Hasan is my all time favourite composer, musician and singer. He has the best voice of all humans that sing in my opinion. (He is capable of giving me an orgasm just by his music).

032 – My fake boyfriend is Colin Farell .

033 – My birthday is on the 15th of September (I wonder why they dont call it the Ides of September).

034 – My Ethnic background is South Asian sub group Pakistani sub group Urdu Speaking sub group UPite sub group Yousufzai Pathan .

035 – I dont have any tatoos. I have no idea why people get them in the first place.

036 – I like the following comics Bizarro, Baby Blues, Wizard of Id, Rose is Rose, The Gambols.

037 – My favourite foods include Haleem, Biryani, Paay, Pulao and Nihari (yes I am a glutton).

038 – I have had a love affair over the internet with a guy in America from Ohio. I know how he likes his eggs. I also know what he wants to name his daughter. I have no contact with him since July 2002 (when he stopped replying to my emails all of a sudden). I have very much gotten over him by now.

039 – I have been doused in water 4 times in restauraunts by women. Women dont like my male chauvinist pig attitude. Frankly. I dont have one.

040 – People who think that putting out will get them love are not completely wrong (YES I can joke too).

041 – I am interested in history, movies, literature, music, art, news and politcs (NO I am not dull in real life also I consider these interests a plus in the man of my choice)

042 – I prefer fruit juices over water. Water over milk. Milk over coke(read carbonated drinks). Coke(read carbonated drinks) over nothing.

043 – Once there was a cold rainy day. I had to go to my room in my university and I got wet due to rain. when I reached the dorm the door was locked. I couldnt find my key. I needed to piss like hell. I tried to find a loo for half an hour. I was desperate. Suddenly. I let all those muscles and ducts and everything free. I stopped trying to stop it. And the moment I let go was the most relaxing moment of my life. It was a sudden relief of an immense magnitude. Although I agree it was the most disgusting thing anyone had ever blogged about. But it was the most relaxing moment ever (For those of you who might stop loving me after this please dont. This was a once in a life time thing. It will never happen again.)

044 – I have a Bachelors in Computer Engineering. Which by the way I hated and still hate.

045 – I am 6 ft tall or about 184 cms tall.

046 – In my whole life I have been on only one date. It was one of those wonderful and perfect dates. It was with T. At the end of the date there is nothing that I say was missing or should have been there. I dont think I will be able to go on a better date again.

047 – My Favourite musicians/composers are Mehdi Hasan, Ravi Shanker, Bare Ghulam Ali, Amir Khusrau, Eric Clapton, Beethoven, Tchaikovski.

048 – I dislike wearing suits and ties.

049 – Of the seven sins my favourite is lust.

050 – Favourite ancient time and place combinations. Memphis under Khufu, Mohenjodaro 2000bc, Persepolis under Xerxes, Athens under Pericles and Rome under Julius Caesar

051 – I am a virgin (no it is not a lie! I am a virgin! I didnt find the right person yet thats why).

052 – I spend an immeasurable amount of time on the internet.

053 – Shortcomings in someone. Nagging or Stupidity? Nagging.

054 – My all time favourite newspaper is ‘Dawn’ from Karachi Pakistan (I read it daily and love its format and content)

055 – Sometimes when you are sitting with friends and someone cracks a very good joke someone on the table might spew all the drink out in a geyser. I once cracked a joke that was so funny that two people sitting opposite each other did it at the same time. Giving me a view of two geysers going in opposite directions at the same time. So I am 1 of 9 humans to have seen something like that in the last 10 years.

056 – Sports that I play include Swimming, Cricket and Horse riding. The only one that I enjoy is swimming.

057 – I dislike narrow minded people

058 – Some of the Urdu writers that I like are Saadat Hasan Manto, Ahmed Nadeem Qasmi, Ibn e Insha and Bano Qudsia.

059 – I have black eyes.

060 – I once had a chance to get either my or my best friends grade improved in college. I got his grade improved. Never told him (putting this on my blog is a cheap shot).

061 – Likes in others. Beauty or Brains? Both.

062 – I have two blogs. One for the gay and blasphemous man that I am. One for the straight and conformist man that I have to pretend to be

063 – I once spent a whole day in my university to find at the end of the day that my jeans were ripped at an awkward location. And I was going commando that day. Noone ever jokingly called me a girl in college after that day. Even if I said that I like romantic comedies and want to have manicures and pedicures and facials for the rest of my life. Believe me I once said that just to check. I wasnt called a girl. I was called an effeminate man.

064 – Some of the Urdu poets that I like are Mir, Ghalib, Momin, Faiz.

065 – My favourite weather is overcast with slightly darkish clouds (kaali ghata), a mild breeze, light rain ( more like drizziling)(Phoaar) and sunlight breaking through the colouds far away.

066 – I dislike fanatics and fundamentalists.

067 – I love watching statisics and facts and figures. I love stock quotes and other figures and statistics that keep changing with time.

068 – My favourite times of the day are dawn(early morning) and dusk(late evening).

069 – I think honour is more important than money.

070 – I am currently living with my family (like all normal pakistanis my age).

071 – My zodiac sign is Virgo. I dont believe in astrology.

072 – I once got up at 4 am just to help my friend finish a project while he went to sleep till 8am.

073 – I once screamed like a girl during an earthquake. After the quake made fun of another friend and his girlish scream which in fact was mine. He said it was me. Sortof my word against his. Everyone still thinks that other guy was the one who screamed (I know I am a devil and I am EVIL)

074 – I was born in Karachi. Thank God.

075 – Favourite medieval time and place combinations. Venice in its glory. Dehli in the time of Amir Khusrau. Samarkand under Amir Taimur. Cordova in 1000ad. Baghdad under Harun ur Rasheed.

076 – My current dating status is that I am available and searching for someone right for me (yeah right! who isnt).

077 – I like the smell of burning incense.

078 – I dislike the political right.

079 – Some of the English(or translated into English) books that I liked very much Les Miserables, Passage to India, War and Peace, The god of small things, Lord of the flies, India wins freedom.

080 – There is no 80 because there are two 23s.

081 – My fake girlfriend is Catherina Zeta Jones.

082 – Sometimes, I say poetry in Urdu.

083 – I got my penis stuck in the zipper only once in my life. I was 9 at that time. It wasnt bad and I was saved a lot of problems. I always take care while zipping up.

084 – Favourite urdu TV dramas Waris, Tanhaaiyan, Aangan Terha, Chaand Girehn.

085 – I like the smell when the first drops of rain fall on the dry ground (soondhi soondhi mitti ki khushboo).

086 – A girl once asked me to marry her. We didnt know each other well at that time. Actually we had just spent less than three with each other all our lives. I fell down and died. I later learned that she says that often. She uses it instead of fuck off. Whew thank God. If it were true where whould I show my gay face again.

087 – College majors that I now wish I had taken when I was in college International Relations, Political Science, Sociology, South Asian Classical Music, History or Architecture.

088 – I prefer to use English dates (ddmmyy) rather than American dates(mmddyy). Otherwise I prefer to use my own system of (yymmdd).

089 – I was buying something from a convenience store once. When I went to the payment counter there was another guy there. I was about 17 he was about 25. He was SO SO SO hot. Well as I walked upto him he looked at me. I accidentally said ‘wow!’ while looking at him. I said ‘wow!’ while looking at him. He got flustered and left. I never forgot I said ‘wow!’. I am such an idiot. I will never get laid.

090 – My hair colour is black

091 – I love these urdu movies Anand and one about the Rajhastani women who defend their fort.

092 – I would rate money after honour, integrity, honesty, relationships, family, friends and education.

093 – I love good music. Music is a very important part of my liife.

094 – I dont have any piercings. I have no idea why people get pierced.

095 – Once my best friend had to hold a whole sports event. So I helped him for five days in planning and implementing everything in that plan. I didnt sleep more than 3 hours on any one of those days. Then on the last day I fucked up and forgot to go get the guests. No event that year. Sorry man. I said I am sorry.

096 – Urdu is my first language. Although I am as comfortable in English as well. I think in both of them.

097 – My favourite international cities to live in would be Paris, New York, Istanbul, Cairo, Rome and Rio de Janeiro in that order.

098 – Some English movies that I liked very much Amadeus, Shakespeare in love, Contact, An ideal husband, Gone with the wind, Star trek(all of them), Legends of the fall, Gandhi, Jinnah and The courtesan.

099 – I really really dislike spam and spammers (they should be decapitated).

100 – If you just read through the whole list you are even more bored than I was while I wrote it. You also need a life. Maybe less than me but all the same. Or maybe you are interested in me. In which case the purpose of this list is fulfilled and you can drop me a line. Oh my good! I really need a life.

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