Archive for March, 2004

09 Safar 1425 I just did something that I neve…

09 Safar 1425

I just did something that I never thought I would get to do in my life. I taught someone something related to sports. I taught my younger sister how to hold a table tennis racquet and I taught her how to throw a basketball (assuming that that is the right way to hold it). I have just imparted sporting knowledge.

I am feeling so butch right now. I have to forcefully stop myself from shaving my beard with some sharpened knife.

To add to the whole feeling butch extravaganza. I played cards for about 3 hours tonight. Me and the guys played Courtpiece. You might not know this but I can get very competitive very soon. Since I usually always get over obsessive and this usually leads me to losing something that I contested in to the bitter end. That makes me even more bitter and jaded.

That is exactly what happened last night. I lost a lot and now I am feeling angry at myself and everything in general. Even at the fact that why am I writing this post in Opera when I am used to Netscape.

I think it is time to get some sleep lest I blather too much in this state of sleeplessness and irritation.

08 Safar 1425 I just saw an interesting movie t…

08 Safar 1425

I just saw an interesting movie today. Signs. The only thing that I noticed in the movie was Joaquin Phoenix. I mean. DAMN. He is very hot.

Hmmmm. That was my usual crazed, desperate, needy and pathetic state. Let me get back to my normal (unnatural) state so I can talk about things that you people can relate to and find interesting.

I was listening to some wonderful music today. South Asian Classical music. It was a CD of Ustab Vilayat Ali Khan and Ustan Bismillah Khan in a Sitar Shehnai duo. I have to say. I dont know any of technical terms that can describe the beatufy of this particular CD but I am sure it was a treat to all who enjoy this music.

To think that Ustab Vilayat Ali Khan just passed away. Leaving a blank space. Other may shine but his place cannot be filled. It was Ustab Vilayat Ali Khan. There can be no other.

It is unfortunate that one by one all the great Ustand of Classical music are no more. It is more unfortunate that noone else is taking their place.

A reminder that my Urdu blog is here.

07 Safar 1425 After I tell you what happened ye…

07 Safar 1425

After I tell you what happened yesterday I am sure you will all be very proud of me. You will all be elevated in the eyes of the world for being people who knew Jalal before he became famous.

It is about me reaching new levels of psychosis. You all know I am fond of talking to myself at times. Sometimes on the blog. On many occasions when I was walking about or doing something else. Today was a very fertile (no you pervert, not that one) day in this regard. I was talking to myself. For your enjoyment I shall write down some of the sentences that I am pretty sure happened.

Jalal-1 : Jalal, Stop obsessing about it ok. STOP IT NOW!

Jalal-2 : Yeah of course. You are the one to talk.

Jalal-1 : How dare you talk to me like that!

And then suddenly something happend that took the whole level of psychosis to new levels. So thing that had never happened before. As far as I can recall.

Jalal-3 : Can you please stop talking to Jalal. It gets so crowded in here.

Suddenly I was shocked out of my wits. I mean I usually like to play two characters. But a third. It was a shock. It is as if he grew in there by himself. Nah I am only joking. Why do I get the feeling that anyone reading this blog will never want to be my boyfriend?

06 Safar 1425 I am sure you have realized that …

06 Safar 1425

I am sure you have realized that the last post is not my doing. I mean, come on. You all know I don’t post such irrational things all of a sudden.

I am sure that after readin my blog my readers begin to have a low opinion of me. That is ok. I do not expect all of you to be good judges of character. What really makes me useasy is the light in which Google and Yahoo seem to view me in. My blog turns up in every result that can only belong to the twilight zone. It is very very embarrasing.

A few recent examples would be

mentally retarded people in Pakistan

what is love its time waste or one of the wrost thing in the life

pakistani slut

I mean come on. I know I am a paranoid, psychotic, lunatic, obsessive compulsive, evil maniac. But come on that gives then no right to call me that.

And yes my current love life leaves a lot to be desired. Seeing that it is non existent and sucky. But come on google search results ???

And the last one hurts! I am a virgin. I haven’t done anything wrong. And I dont think that thinking about wierd sexual stuff for at least 3-4 hours a day makes me a slut.

So there ! I have given my side of the story. Now if you will excuse me some French Vanilla Coffee is waiting for me.

So Jalal, what the hell is wrong with you? I me…

So Jalal, what the hell is wrong with you?

I mean why the hell aren’t you able to carry on a normal conversation with people. Why the hell are you so seriously opinionated that everyone that you meet is repulsed.

I mean, Jalal, what the hell is wrong with you.

05 Safar 1425 A new outlook is up. If you do no…

05 Safar 1425

A new outlook is up. If you do not like it. It is ok. You can join the club along with me, Frank Lloyd Right and Picasso. Although I hate Picasso but at times you just have to pay more importance to ‘the cause’ rather than to smaller issues like personal rivalries or the truth.

Today was an interesting day. I nearly had four accidents. If you want to ask me “However did you manage that?”. Don’t. I have no answer to that. It is completely unacceptable to do that without being drunk or in the presence of religious leaders.

I have recently noticed that my excitement level is very high. I usually do things that people only do once they are drunk or high or in states that they should not be made answerable for. This does not reflect well on the sedate, calm and collected gentleman that I hallucinated myself to be. Not at all.

Today was very windy in Karachi. Many carries / ambies / baby mangoes that are all unripe and bitter fell down to the ground. My mom immediately decided to hurt me and got me to gather them and bring them in. She made a wonderful chutney from it. I guess sometimes good things can come out of moving yourself from the chair.

A reminder that my Urdu blog is here.

04 Safar 1425 Today was one of those eventful a…

04 Safar 1425

Today was one of those eventful and interesting days that we read about in novels and cheap self help books. Many things that others will find much more amusing happened to me today.

The day started by me waking up and swinging my legs over the side of the bed to get the paper which I read in the loo. The next moment I found myself lying with my cheek on the Firoz ul Lughat that I had put on the floor. I tried to get up but fell again. Then I realized that my left foot was completely asleep and I could not move it or feel it at all. After 5 minutes of massaging I hobbled around in my Byronic gait (Puh, I wish!) for the paper.

Then at mid morning tea in the office I accidentally dropped the cup on the floor. Everyone looked at me for an eternity.

At lunch I accidentally dropped my cell phone on the counter and it nearly went into the bowl of gravy. I say nearly because the attendant jumped about 10 meters within one franction of a second and caught it before it fell in.

Then finally at dinner the food was wonderful. I was eating as a hog. When I choked on my food. And the whole family was in an uproar.

I hope this day will end so I will have a new beginning tomorrow.

I have no idea how to ask for your forgiveness. Bu…

I have no idea how to ask for your forgiveness. But my ISP guy found out that I have been visiting this blog a lot. He asked me if I know about any blogspot sites. I told him they are popups from news and current events sites. The moron bought it. So I am taking a break from the blogging.

Again, I dont know how to say I am sorry for not posting. I will start tomorrow.

25 Muharram 1425 In normal households the woman…

25 Muharram 1425

In normal households the woman of the house usually takes some interest in the working of the house. She makes sure that there is food and the house is clean. She teaches and educates the kids.

Well not in Pakistan. In Pakistan women dont work. They dont cook. The dont clean. They dont teach the kids. They have a دھوبن (washerwoman) to clean the clothes. They have a باورچن (cook) to cook the food. They have a ماسی (cleaner) to clean the house. And, they have a ماسٹر صاحب (tutor) to teach the children. What do they do? Honestly, I have no idea. Since they don’t even usually look if the workers are doing the work properly the clothes aren’t clean enough, the food isn’t good enough, the house isn’t clean enough and the children are all semi educated morons who have no idea what to say to the eastern greeting آداب (Aadab).

Yes, you are right. I had a huge fight with امی (mom). I told her all of this as well. So we are not on talking terms.

24 Muharram 1425 We live in a warm humid climat…

24 Muharram 1425

We live in a warm humid climate. That makes us experience a million things that cold and dry climates do not provide. I could talk about any of those but I will talk about mosquitoes.

Today over some horrid afternoon tea in the lawn I saw the mosquitoes in their prime. Since it was dark I could see couds of mosquitoes over everyones head. Suddenly the weather is warm and humid and mosquitoes abound all over the place making the lives of ordinary humans miserable.

I have wonderful news. I have lost ten Kgs of weight. It was all sucked by mosquitoes in the last two days. Right now my left arm is itching so much that I would readily peel the skin off.