Archive for July, 2004


13 Jamadi us Sani 1425

I went to a friend’s place last night. I ended up smoking a joint. Yes, I know. I don’t do drugs but this was a one time thing. So don’t judge me. Ok. I don’t smoke, drink or do drugs regularly but there are times that I need to feel like a dirty, dirty guy. This was one of those times.

I have to admit it was a very interesting experience. I did not feel a thing at all. Nothing at all. Next morning when I was talking to the guy who made the joints he told me that he was very high the previous night. He completely disagreed with me. He told me that I was very high.

Oh dear God. I was high and I didn’t even know it.


12 Jamadi us Sani 1425 I have had a sudden crus…

12 Jamadi us Sani 1425

I have had a sudden crush on Tchaikovsky. That can be proven by anyone who comes into my room. There are 3 new CDs of Tchaikovsky in my room. For the first time in my life I am going to actually pay for access to a huge musical archive of a website. Guess why? Oh, you smart smart man. You guessed it right. Tchaikovsky.

Apart from the CD I have downloaded about 95 minutes of MP3s from the internet.

Oh, dear. This is going to be one of those oh- so- excited -overly -t-CHAI-kovsky -drenched -caffeinated posts. Well I dont care as long as I can listen to the Nutcracker and Swan Lake and The 1812 Overture. (Oh my God, that was a horrible pun on Chai and Tchaikovski).

Well, I would just tell you all to listen to Tchaikovsky as well.

Damnit. Maybe I am still high from all the joints I smoked earlier this evening.

NOTE : As opposed to what Diana may be saying. This blog is not meant only for people who are slightly “off”. Ohk, Ill say it. Sane. And Diana is wrong. This blog is for sane people to read and see how completely insane and psychotic I am. But if you are capable of insanity or psychosis then please do not read this since it will greatly enhance that capability. Otherwise it is for all of you. And yes, I did agree that she can be my 4th wife :).

11 Jamadi us Sani 1425 Hmmmmm, it rained. I w…

11 Jamadi us Sani 1425

Hmmmmm, it rained. I was sitting in my room and suddenly the sound of the wind in the Coconut trees behind my room became deafening. Scared that Allah has finally become enraged at me and intends to squash my room with the trees and end my lustful immoral existence I ran out of my room.

When I was in the Daalan (living room) one of my sisters passed by me running and screming … “barish ho rahee hay” “barish ho rahee hay” “barish ho rahee hay” (it is raining). Upon seeing that I and my other sisters also started doing that. Now, dont get me wrong, I am not from a lunaitc asylum and my family is not all mad. It was the first shower in quite a few months and we were very excited.

But as Allah would have it and that damned Murphy from England as well. The rain stopped as soon as we had positioned ourselved in the doors and windows overlooking the lawn and the porch. So we just sat there aghast. Then the rain kept on and off for as long as about one hour. And we moaned our fate.

Now, I have no idea why I told you all this. Maybe, it is because today was very very boring. Very, very boring and nothing whatsoever happened today to me.

10 Jamadi us Sani 1425 Today I saw one of those…

10 Jamadi us Sani 1425

Today I saw one of those super action movies which are a slap upon the brain of any human with more than five and a quarter living brain cells. It was one of those movies with lots of fighting in new and completely cutting edge methods and with wild car chases showing situations that can not possibly take place in real life in real cities or to real humans.

In other words, a perfect movie to see if you are a human male in your 20s.

The name of the movie is ‘The Transporter’. The main character is called Frank Martin in the movie and his real name is Jason Statham.

There is only one thing that I will say about Jason Statham. I have to have sex with him. I did not say I would like to have sex with him. Neither did I say that I would want to have sex with him. I am saying that I have to have sex with him.

And here comes in another list of things. My To-do List.

Jalaluddin Ahmed Khan’s To Do list

S.No. 1,272 – Learn how to make your bed so you mother does not have to remake it every time.

S.No. 1,273 – Justin Timberlake.

S.No. 1,274 – Learn how to properly speak and pronouce French.

S.No. 1,275 – Make a huge house out of lego blocks.

S.No. 1,276 – Have sex with Jason Statham who played Frank in “The Transporter”.

09 Jamadi us Sani 1425 I decided not to force…

09 Jamadi us Sani 1425

I decided not to force this down your throats when I started the Blog. I have tried to keep you away from the madness that is Jalal. But here goes all that. But I have a personal book of laws. My moral laws. From time to time I will tell you all about them.

Moral Law # 661 – Drinking too much alcohol and then regurgitating it on someone elses expensive Persian carpet is wrong.

Moral Law # 662 – If you accidentally call someone’s wife ugly to their face without knowing it is their wife you can say that you are always wrong about women’s beauty to make up for it.

Moral Law # 663 – Say sorry when you have finished spitting on someone accidentally.

Moral Law # 664 – Sex with concenting sheep is not wrong.

And here is the newest edition. The Brain National Assembly and the Brain Senate accepted this law as brain constitutional and for the better of my being.

The man who initiated the Law was Kris, so please visit his blog and tell him that you approve of the way he things. And that he had instituted a major addition to human moral/legal knowledge.

Moral Law # 665 – You can say all sorts of crap if you get to make out with a guy because of the crap.

Now I guess I have pulled you into the void. Ill have to keep on these Moral Laws of mine.

08 Jamadi us Sani 1425 Oh my God! Oh my God! …

08 Jamadi us Sani 1425

Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God!

I have done it again. I have actually managed to act like a complete blundering buffon in the same pool with the same guy again. You people remember my last retarded conversation (sic) with the guy in the pool. There I was, forcing myself to not flip out because I was running out of air. Suddenly, I saw a huge hand in front of my eyes. I tried to stop but the collision had already taken place. So there I was. In the pool strangely very intangled with this other guy. Well noone was hurt. But people needed some time to untangle them. Then the same thing happened.

Me : Hey sorry man.

Sexy wet swimmer guy (SWSG from now on) : It’s ok. (I hallucinated this reply to be something like “SWSG: Sorry, I was out of lane.”)

Me : Oh no, it’s ok.

SWSG : What’s ok?

Me (Sudden physical, mental and psychological breakdown; stammering like noone has ever stammered before) : The weather, the weather is ok.

SWSG (Looking at me as if I have just eaten a hat and am fighting with people to declare me sane) : Oh, yeah, that, huh, yeah, it is ok.

Me (Breakdown to a limit not reached last time) : So, you wear XYZ brand of goggles. I hear they are good.

SWSG (Trying to get away from me before I bite him) : Yeah they are good.

Me (Realizing that I have to extricate myself from this situation) : Oh, hey, man, I have to go talk to my cousin at the other end of the pool.

SWSG : Didn’t you come alone today. (Doh! of course he would know he was walking with me to the pool to know that I am alone)

Me (Work, damn brain cells, work!) : Oh yeah, then that must be someone else. Sorry :) Hahahahhahahahah (Extemely loud and very very very abnormal laughter)

SWSG (Wants me to kill him or myself.)

Me (Senses the situation) : Hey, then ill see you around. Bye.

And I wade on into the setting sun. Along with which sets all of my sense of self respect and confidence that I can talk to other humans without showing them that I am a moron.

Oh My God! What the hell is wrong with me!

07 Jamadi us Sani 1425 Today I went to a frie…

07 Jamadi us Sani 1425

Today I went to a friends house and did it. I was waiting too long and I was too desperate. I knew he wanted to do it as well. I know I wanted to do it as well.

He had a 80GB harddrive. So did I. We both exchanged data and burned a large number of CDs. We are very very content now.

Yeah, yeah, you perverts, I know what you were thinking about.

06 Jamadi us Sani 1425 Well, well, well, well…

06 Jamadi us Sani 1425

Well, well, well, well, well.

Now I used to think that I am an intelligent human being. I was wrong on all three accounts. I am not intelligent. I am not human. I am not a being.

So there is a guy. WOO HOO! Well, nothing to get excited about. We have been talking on the net and I am sure he will take another two to three months to get meet up. It is ok. I am ok with him taking the time that he needs.

Today he said that he is going with another guy for staying a night in a city Islamabad (which is where he lives). I told him the same crap about how I think that sex doesnt have anything to do with relationships and that for me sex outside a relationship is no big deal at all.

I am such an idiot.

05 Jamadi us Sani 1425 Damned net was down so…

05 Jamadi us Sani 1425

Damned net was down so couldn’t blog.

I went to a wedding today.

1 – The food was good and I ate for my requirements for four days.

2 – The am so envious of the bride.

3 – Everything was exquisite and yet there was something wrong with everything.

4 – One of the waiters there was, what I would rate, a 10/10. My first ever. And, no, I did not make any moves on him. Damnit!

5 – I noticed that all through the wedding I was only noticing men.

6 – Got to meet a lot of people from the family and half of them had never met me, which is odd, since I remembered meeting them earlier on.

7 – I need a guy.

02 Jamadi us Sani 1425 Today I received my firs…

02 Jamadi us Sani 1425

Today I received my first very interesting application through my blog. The only reason I declined was because I am horribly afraid of situations that are at all damaging to my being in the closet.

I will maintain a bit of engagement and wait for a time to pounce.

Also Kris … :) you know what I mean by this.