Archive for September, 2004

13 Shaban 1425 — 07 Asvina 1925 — 29 September 2004

It would seem that I have a couple of minutes to actually blog. So I will. It seems that I have gotten so hooked to telling people what I do and see them dote on me that I have started to write a diary to keep up with my blogging.

Oh God. I have managed to scare myself.

I will share with you some of the entries in this diary.

09 Shaban

I was coming through these glass doors and there was a very very hot guy sitting there. I was staring at him and when I realized I blushed. Later on he walked upto me and talked to me. Now, Pakistan is very different when it comes to gay overtures. But this one was a big one. And I told him, sorry I have a boyfriend. He said, oh ok, and left. I felt so alive and with a life. Yes!

10 Shaban

I have realized that I will never watch any movies with an apparent budget of less than $1000; and with actors that have muscles the size of kansas and huge huge nipples; and movies having more blood than you have in large blood banks. Goddamnit.

What the hell is the fear of sharp objects called? I think I might have it. Oh Dear God I need help about this.

11 Shaban

Today I was in Quetta.

Number of times I said “Come to daddy” or “Wow that guy is hot” to myself : 33,764

Number of times I told myself that “I need to indulge in activities of a surreal nature” : 377,985

Number of times I fantasized myself in these activities with these guys : 11,674,876

Number of times I realized that I am going to hell : 372

Number of times I realized I dont believe in that : 372

08 Shaban 1425 — 02 Asvina 1925 — 24 September 2004

Ok, sorry for leaving you hanging like this. I have to go to Islamabad, Lahore and Quetta for a time being. I will be back on the 5th of October. This was sudden so I could not warn you. I might not be able to get back to you kids. So until then, take care of yourselves and I will catch up when I return.

0632 – Woke up due to the loud noise made by my da…

0632 – Woke up due to the loud noise made by my damned alarm.

0634 – Flung my legs out of the bed to go to bed.

0634 – Fell down and realized I am not feeling well and cannot balance.

0635 – Crawled up on bed.

0636 – A low throbbing pain in my head, shoulders, Hands, Legs, Sides and Back.

0637 – Found out I cannto breath.

0637 – Panicked and felt I am about to die.

0642 – Realized after frantic thinking that I only have flu.

0643 – Smack my head for being too stupid.

0643 – Shooting pains from my smacked head through all my body.

0648 – Call mom in room and tell her to tell work people I wont be coming in today.

0937 – Woke up.

0937 – Looked at watch.

0937 – Went back to sleep.

1248 – Woke up.

1248 – Looked at watch.

1255 – Got breakfast in bed.

1312 – Finished breakfast.

1318 – Went back to sleep.

1633 – Woke up, and, went to sleep without looking at watch. (At least I think it was 1633 … it could have been 1319 or 1923(not the year damnit, the time.))

1924 – Woke up and got up.

06 Shaban 1425 — 31 Bhadon 1925 — 22 September 2004





Today was spent in enjoying ecstatic spasms of pleasure as waves of joy rolled over me and covered me up. I will just say that it was an experience I could not have known to exist. Since I had never done the thing before.

No, I haven’t lost my virginity yet. So calm down.

What caused all this? I reached a certain website that I read through and through. Maddox is the best website every. Please go there and read it.

05 Shaban 1425 — 30 Bhadon 1925 — 21 September 2004

There is good news and there is better news from my side.

About the whole fight thing yesterday, we talked and made up today. Then we all went for lunch as a “we are ok” gesture. Then we returned to work and kept thinking that we were right and the other guy was an idiot. Well, at least apparently we are behaving like humans.

The only thing that I feel bad about the whole issue is that we did not kiss and make up.

The better news is that I have completed one thing that I had always wanted to do. There is an Imambargah (Mosque) near our house that has excellent architecture. Since it was built in the early 50s it is old and they want to pull it down. I am against it, but noone listens to me. They want to build one of those structures with a lot of glass and steel and polished hospital looks. I hate those. I want a culturally touched place to look at. But I digress, I wanted to make a report on that, so I have completed a huge essay on that Imambargah along with a large collection of pictures.

Very very happy.

04 Shaban 1425 — 29 Bhadon 1925 — 20 September 2004

Another day another day. The same old routine. Things going the same way they always do. People screwing up at the office. Then not accepting that it is indeed them and not me to blame. After all, what can you expect from someone who has to listen to the same instructions very slowly twice to get that he has “to get the file from Nasar that Jalal wanted, Nasar will know which one it is”.

I mean this guy is stupid. I have to repeat jokes, everytime, and with a lot of elucidation too. There are algae in the South Indian rainforests that have a larger number of brain cells than him. He has to share a brain cell with these two other morons that he likes to hang out with.

Their jokes are like “Hey I dropped the fork because I cannot bend my hand”. HAHAAHHA. HAHAHAH. Buffon1 bowls over an pisses in his pants and buffoon2 laughs so loud his teeth fall off.

Why am I blogging about this. Well, maybe because I had kind of a similar discussion with the guy today.

He said some very nasty things about me as well, but I am not going to tell you about them am I.

How did it all end?

Well, it ended “Outside”. And noone should ever DARE think that he beat me up. It was his friends who picked him and took him for medical attention.

Damn, I am turning into the normal average proletarian man, the kind that fights and stuff.

Ew ew ew ew ew.

03 Shaban 1425 — 28 Bhadon 1925 — 19 September 2004

Ok, as I start spewing fire and venom, I want you all to remember that I am a nice person. The only reason that I am displaying this list is to bring into question: a- why does my blog end up in these search results; b- what do people think when they get to my blog via these search results; and of course c- what kind of people search for such things on the internet in the first place. Oh, and yes, d- what should happen to my self respect after I find out the answers to all these questions.

List of strange searches that led to my weblog, with my personal comments attached to each

Yahoo: Sex Points in Karachi – Seriously, if I knew them, I would not be here right now.

Google: college guys snoring – I won’t even bother judging.

Google: groups-falloff – How in hell’s name did my weblog end up in this list?

Google: pakistani slut – If only I were one.

Yahoo: help i am in love with a pakistan man – It is not “pakistan man”, it is Pakistani man. Psycho. The only help you need is with your grammar. (temper temper Jalal, watch those fangs)

Now I will leave abruptly since I can not come up with any proper way of ending this post.

02 Shaban 1425 — 27 Bhadon 1925 — 18 September 2004

Today I will share with you some of my more unorthodox likes and dislikes. What is unorthodox you ask? Well colours, cuisines, hair types, television comedy series, breakfast cereals and of course cities are the orthodox subjects of likes and dislikes.

Unorthodox subjects of likes and dislikes are those subjects of likes and dislikes that I have found to not share with anyone else. Such as proteins, chemicals, electronics and of course mating calls of frogs in the amazon rain forest.

In proteins, I like testosterone, I dislike rotting animal carcasses.

In chemicals, I like laughing gas, I dislike T.N.T.

Amongst the electronics family of instruments, I like televisions with working cable connections, I dislike the damned alarm clock that starts making my sleep one big miserable piece of lucifers urinal every morning at 0550.

So, what are your unorthodox likes and dislikes?

01 Shaban 1425 — 26 Bhadon 1925 — 17 September 2004

I was sitting in front of my pc and writing an incredible post. When I say incredible, I mean incredible. I was laughing as I was writing it, because, it was just that damned funny (if you still did not understand, it was because everyone know’s that I am funny). Then I heard a huge “THUNK” sound, as if a tight string has be pulled apart rather mercilessly. I had a very nasty thought about my newly wed neighbours, but I pushed it back into the dark neather regions of my brain and fooled myself into believing that it was a rather strange sound made by a very rare bird.

Then my internet went down and then my cabletv went down. I went outside to check. My cable wire had got caught on a truck. The driver didnt see it because it was too dark outside. Liar. I hate it when this happens. This happens once every few months and everytime I get all the more angrier. Maybe next time I will tie the driver down and force him to see back to back episodes of Oprah.

30 Rajab 1425 — 25 Bhadon 1925 — 16 September 2004

When I was in college very few of my friends were told by me that I am gay. Most others realized it, because, apparently, it was very apparent.

One day a friend comes up to my room and makes sure we are alone. Then he says “Jalal since you are so gay and all, tell me one thing”. I asked what. He said that one of the players on the South African Cricket team was gay. Then he asked me if I know which one was gay. I thought for five minutes. Then I told him who I thought it was. He stood there with his mouth open. I was right. Then he finally managed to agree that I am gay and that I wasnt just doing it for the attention.

Well what can I say. I have a very good gaydar.

Oh, and yes, please stop emailing and acting shocked that you have been reading my blog for a month and just found out that I was gay when I said it in my blog. I mean good God!

Hmmm, I think I did it again.