Archive for March, 2005

Tuesday — 18 Safar 1426 — 08 Caitra 1927 — 29 M…

Tuesday — 18 Safar 1426 — 08 Caitra 1927 — 29 March 2005

I think I have hit a completely unprecedented level of comfort and ease with my boyfriend.

I mean, just today I smsd him that “evil manipulative web weaving bitch”.

Although I am very happy that I can say this to him but at the same time I am completely worried that he might actually take this as a sign of insanity and in turn find out about all of my other disorders. It would be unfortunate because I already have a plan whereby I will bring them out one by one as our relationship starts to get monotonous.

Two years into relationship and it is starting to get monotonous. Jalal reaches into the bag and takes out obsessive compulsive disorder. Five years into the relationship and it is starting to get monotonous. Jalal reaches into the bag and takes out multiple personality disorder and introduces new dimensions to the relationship.

Oh how fun I am.

Mr B is very lucky.

Monday — 17 Safar 1426 — 07 Caitra 1927 — 28 Ma…

Monday — 17 Safar 1426 — 07 Caitra 1927 — 28 March 2005

Ahhhh, Monday. That most beautiful of Allahs creations. The day after the sleeping habits have been destroyed. The day after we have had a touch of heaven. The day after we realize that we can live. The day after we realize that life may have meanings other than doing the same thing over and over again and seeing it rejected over and over again by our superiors. The beginning of another week of toil and traffic.

Another issue with me and Monday is the starting of all the dread. It is a dread, a fear, a hidden longing and a known feeling that I will not be able to meet Mr B all week long. Due to our working schedules. So, instead, I decided that I will not have it. After work, today, I just went over to Mr Bs place and made out. Nothing better than that to suddenly end all of your apprehensions about the week. I would suggest it to all of you out there.

Sunday — 16 Safar 1426 — 06 Caitra 1927 — 27 Ma…

Sunday — 16 Safar 1426 — 06 Caitra 1927 — 27 March 2005

Ok, this post is written by Mr B. Under my supervision of course. So here he goes …

obviously the self proclaimed expressionist would be all cherry and peaches about himself…but reality is a bitch and erm according to him i am a slut..therefore here it goes…. he is one mother fucking sexy asshole….he is a dickhead too, he is opinionated…just the way i like it…proclamations proclamations…i wouldnt call it a temporary thing from my behalf atleast..yes i’m as smitten as santa’s christmas gift socks waiting to be filled up with goodies….you pervert…guess what mister jalal decides to say when i say that last sentence….he thinks about sex… :S…he fills me up good, just right..and we havent even had sex as of yet..what to do mister and misses….i might throw some shoots i might even miss em but hell this sure came out to be a three pointer…..all the way down till the bottom of my soul…..
i wanna write on and on and on and on and on and on and on andon andon

Saturday — 15 Safar 1426 — 05 Caitra 1927 — 26 …

Saturday — 15 Safar 1426 — 05 Caitra 1927 — 26 March 2005

I got my first proper pay check this month. I had to buy gifts for everyone from it. My grandparents, parents, uncles, aunts, cousins, siblings and friends. Oh, and yes, there are other names on that list that I have not mentioned simply to keep the list seem normal and not completely berserk. I actually knew that all of my paycheck would go into gifts.

I hate gifts that I have to give to others. But I love the gifts that others give me. I specially hate all the thinking involved when you need to buy gifts for someone else. Why the hell is it that I cant just give them the money without thinking at all.

I went to do my shopping with Mr B. I think it makes a statement about how I feel about him. Also, it tells you guys that I knew we would have to park in some dark, lonely covered parkings and I might get some sugah. Which I did. Ahhhhh, I love the idea of teasing Mr B. I am such a tease and I love it.

Fuck, I need to get a life and talk about something else.

Friday — 14 Safar 1426 — 04 Caitra 1927 — 25 Ma…

Friday — 14 Safar 1426 — 04 Caitra 1927 — 25 March 2005

I am so fucking smitten.

Thursday — 13 Safar 1426 — 03 Caitra 1927 — 24 …

Thursday — 13 Safar 1426 — 03 Caitra 1927 — 24 March 2005

I commute about two hours a day. That gives me about two hours to read or listen to music or just watch my city as it grows and changes. I actually do all three. Of course in order of importance, that is watching then listening then reading.

Lately I have been reading a lot of Faiz and listening to a lot of Farida Khanum, Iqbal Bano and Mehdi Hassan. They have all started to make so much sense all of sudden. In the past couple of days. It is almost as if a door has been opened and light has been allowed to flood in.

Thursday — 13 Safar 1426 — 03 Caitra 1927 — 24 …

Thursday — 13 Safar 1426 — 03 Caitra 1927 — 24 March 2005

I woke up with such a big fucking smile. I did not even know that my mouth muscles are capable of being pulled so tight. Ah, well, all the more better for Mr. B (yes, I am going to call him that from now on, in honour of Blackadder).

Wednesday — 12 Safar 1426 — 02 Caitra 1927 — 23…

Wednesday — 12 Safar 1426 — 02 Caitra 1927 — 23 March 2005

If any of you expected that I would not meet B (that is what I am going to call him from now on) today, on a holiday, after last night. You would be wrong. I did indeed meet him today.

It was a wonderful Karachi evening. The evening breeze. The holiday’s rushless roads. We got to the beach when the daylight was fading. We sat there for an hour. B decided that he wasnt evil enough already and told me that I cannot smoke any more. Complete smoking ban. I shall abide by it. I know are you reading this. You are evil!

Then we drove back to his place. During the course of the drive the city’s traffic gave me a headache. And I, apparently, according to B, I gave him headache. Then he made us some tea. He makes wonderful tea. Then he gave me some sugar with the tea. And then I came back home.

All in all a very good day. If you do not include my idiot friend O with him moronic problems regarding computers. And to top it all off, he doesnt even frikking use cologne. AAAAA RRRRR GGGGG HHHHH. How the hell do you tell someone they are stinking like a rotting fish that has been floating for so long that even bacteria do not want to get close to it.

How? Tell me!

بدھ – 12 سفر 1426 – 02 چیت 1927 – 23 مارچ 2005 کر…

بدھ – 12 سفر 1426 – 02 چیت 1927 – 23 مارچ 2005کراچی کی رات۔ تیز ہوا۔ ٹھنڈی ہوا۔ ہزاروں پتوں کا شور۔ ہزاروں گاڑیوں کا شور۔ ہوا میں ہلکی ہلکی خنکی اور اس کے ساتھ ساتھ نمی۔ کراچی کی رات۔ نمکین نمی بھری خنک ٹھنڈی ہوا۔ کراچی کی رات۔

میرے لئے کل کی رات کی ایک اہمیت تھی۔ وہ یہ کہ کل کی رات مکمل تھی۔ احساسات تھے۔ امیدیں تھیں۔ امنگیں تھیں۔ کچھ کہنا تھا۔ کچھ سننا تھا۔ میں تھا، وہ تھا، اور بس۔

کراچی کی رات۔ خیالات کا اہساسات کا توفان۔ امیدوں کی بہار۔پھول پھول کھل اٹھے میرے پیمانے میں ۔ ۔ ۔ ۔ ۔ ۔ ۔ ۔ ۔

Wednesday — 12 Safar 1426 — 02 Caitra 1927 — 23…

Wednesday — 12 Safar 1426 — 02 Caitra 1927 — 23 March 2005

You. Yes you, you know who you are. Since this post is about you and last night. You are not allowed to read this post.

It started at 2336 on the 20th of March 2005. Knowledge dawned of a feeling that has dwindled with time and absence, like the dying embers of fire all but consumed, but still smouldering strongly from inside. The struggle between inhibitions and eagerness started. Stronger and stronger. Argument and counter argument. Decisions had to be made and roads had to be selected. Inhibitions were suppressed by eagerness.

I met him at 2257 on the 22nd of March 2005. I felt unsafe, alone in a different part of a city meeting someone I did not know. I felt vulnerable meeting someone who might not like me. I felt apprehensive of meeting someone I might not like. A million thoughts and feeling were going through my mind as I was waiting for him. A feeling was there that something was different this time. A feeling was there that something I did not expect was upon me.

It was an amazing night. Unexpected feelings emerged. Feelings that I did not even know I was capable of. Thoughts that I could not have every expected to carry. Emotions that I could not control or bay. It was like an explosion that I was not ready to cater to. I could not ever have expected that all this could happen. I did not. I could not have.

Too short a night. Too short an evening. Too fleeting an experience. Sitting there. Not saying goodbye and not wanting to say goodbye. Open door, waiting for an exit. Sitting there. No requests to stay from my side. Mistake being felt every moment. Wanting to. But loosing the capability. Sitting there. The exit was delayed, probably in expectation of protests, as should have been. There were no protests. He left.

Retrned in a daze. Complete daze. No knowledge of what is what was and what will be. Only of one night. Nothing else. The past in lost. The future unknown. The present was all that mattered. The wondeful summer nighttime breeze in Karachi. The noise of distant traffic moving about the city. The smell of the city at night. The present was all that mattered. Feeling him sitting next to me. Thinking about him and what he was saying. Looking at him and knowing him. The present was all the mattered. Time stood arrested. I was where I was.

When I was heading back to my place I realized that all of a sudden I have everything. All that was missing and that I wanted to find, I found all of a sudden. As I sit here; I am complete.