Archive for June, 2005

Sunday — 11 Jamadi ul Awwal 1426 — 29 Jyaistha 1…

Sunday — 11 Jamadi ul Awwal 1426 — 29 Jyaistha 1927 — 19 June 2005

Dear Jalal,

You have learnt the following things at work.

1 – You are growing more insane with time as opposed to growing more sober as is the case generally.
2 – You can not stop yourself from going to office on Sundays and staying as late as you possibly ca.
3 – You are more worried about why you are not worried about work rather than about why you have more work than can be done.
4 – You are happy with so much work that you can not even finish it.
5 – You are realizing that there something very very very wrong with you that you cannot cure.
6 – The guy whose car you were sitting in smoking is definitely gay and if you had made any moves you would have started to get some regular sex in the office.
7 – People will always have time for smoking, idle banter and food.
8 – People will never have time for you when you drop in all of a sudden and start dropping Mayonnaise on their important paperwork.
9 – If you wear a shirt inside out at work again everyone will think you are crazy and not that it was a random mistake.
10 – You are thanking Allah that the shirt was so specially built that it looks nearly the same inside out as well.
11 – You have slipped twice while running in your office.
12 – You are not to laugh while drinking water again or you will only end up repeating Tuesdays incident with the printouts and the water.
13 – Never laugh so loud that you start to snort like a pig in front of your superiors and subordinates.
14 – Never lust after your coworkers when you do not have the time to even go to the loo.

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Sunday — 04 Jamadi ul Awwal 1426 — 22 Jyaistha 1…

Sunday — 04 Jamadi ul Awwal 1426 — 22 Jyaistha 1927 — 12 June 2005

It would seem that I have actually come down to Sunday to Sunday blogging. Khair, well and good. It is as it is. It will be as it will be. And it shall stand as it shall stand. And I shall shut up blabbering as I shall shut up blabbering.

A couple of things for you guys to enjoy over the week and question my sanity and lack of brain power.

Yesterday was one of the most interesting days of my life. Two of my friends who I hang out with just got into jobs or new jobs two weeks ago. We keep meeting up over the weekends. Yesterday we all met up for food at about 5 at Boating Basin. Which for the uninitiated in the city of Karachi is an area facing an inlet of the sea and it has a lot of cheap yet good restaurants catering to many different cuisines. My God that was a long sentence.

We kept eating, smoking, talking, haggling, squabbling, drinking, arguing, laughing, sniggering, telephoning and smiling for 5 hours until 10. After working more than twelve hours every day of the week yesterday was the most interesting hang out session in a very very long time. I remember that two of us had the strangest argument when we were very drunk one day. To this day I maintain that we were talking about different things and the other guy says that we were talking about the same thing. The discussion that we had yesterday were ever more strange.

I smoked a total of 12 Dunhill lights. I drank a total of 1.75 Litres of Pakola. I ate a total of 3 Shawerma specials. For anyone who has been to Qasr e Nakheel, this must seem very very extraordinary.

Khair, it was thoroughly enjoyable. I am sure that psychologists should study the effects of long working hours on young males who then get together to hang out. And in that case I am sure we would have been a very very interesting case.

And now that I have told you what I have been doing during the week. I will further illuminate your life with a thing that I do at times. Becoming two rich English women having tea together. This is as opposed to my usual multiple personality thing with me and Jalal. This is Gertrude and Petunia. When the psychosis is heightened then Esmeralda also joins in. Such as was the case yesterday.

Gertrude : Oh, Petunia darling, how do you do?
Petunia : Gertrude angel, fine thank you.
Gertrude : You brought along a friend, how capital, now we can have tee for three. Har har dee har har … tee for three … har har.
Petunia : Har har dee har har, how awsomely edible your jokes do become Gertrude. This is my friend Esmeralda Hoppingdollop from Herefortendorshofortstreepshire.
Gertrude : You dont mean from Tenementelentaly House?
Esmeralda : The very same.
Gertrude : Oh how interesting! I have heard stories about that. Lady Darclays used to tell me such horror stories about it.
Petunia : Oh Gertrude you angel, you have finally managed to get that wonderful tea, Lady Earl Gray for us?
Gertrude : Yes Petunia, I had a favour pending from Lady Hardcock for referring her to that wonderful French Cook Monseiur Jacques Pompeidou.
Esmeralda : You dont say! Does this mean that Jacques has left Lord Heatherwelldon’s service.
Gertrude : I am afraid so.
Petunia : Oh, do say, noone really did like Lord Heatherwelldon. Remember how he misbehaved with Laetitia Charmichealengelano.
Esmeralda : A gentleman would never call a womans bosoms too large for her clothing under any circumstances!
Gertrude : Completely agreed.
Petunia : Oh, how capital! SCONES!

And to and it all. OH MY GOD! WHY AM I SO FUCKING INSANE!

Sunday — 27 Rabi us Sani 1426 — 15 Jyaistha 1927…

Sunday — 27 Rabi us Sani 1426 — 15 Jyaistha 1927 — 05 June 2005

Yet another embarrasing story in the story of my life.

Whenever I am in an elevator, and I am alone, then as soon as the doors close I act as if I am supporting the weight of the thing. I bukle my knees, I raise my hands, I make a stance that says that I hold up this box that contains my life. Oh shut up, get out of your pseudo intellectual reverie.
But, I promise, I promise, promise, promise, promise, promise. I stop it before the doors open and others have the capability of spying me.

Yesterday I got over excited, thanks to too much coffee, tea and cigarettes. I was overacting the part and jumping up and down as well as holding the weight up. So, when the door opened I couldnt see it but everyone else could see me jumping up and down.

Noone boarded the elevator.