Archive for November, 2005
Friday – 29 Shawwal 1426 – 11 Agrahayana 1927 – 02 December 2005
You realize that you are a perverted homosexual slut when you look at the new guard at your office and you realize that he is built like fucking hell and seems cute and you start staring at his crotch even though you know that he is looking at you look at his package and dont break your stare for even one moment and then when you are driving back by the same guy you look him straight in the eyes without stopping and you actually flick your tongue at the guy as his jaw drops open and then when you can only look at his back view in the rear view mirror you call him a sexy-bitch-daddy.
In case any one of you sub humans with a severly impaired capability of understand things does not understand what I am trying to say. Then, I can only say that I am a perverted homosexual slut.
Oh, and yes, if you, for some reason beyound all sense of normalcy and intelligence, desire to exchange pictures you have to fall into the following criterion. a – you have to be a male human being. b – you have to be a human male specimen. c – you have to be a guy. As for women who think they can turn me straight, I am very impressed by your talents but if you try to convert my people, I am going to drop kick you and tell you to let my people go.
Oh, and yes, in reference to the previous post, “extremely long sentences stop making sense”, they do stop making sense but they are fucking amazing.
Yet another weekend. Yet another little piece of absolutely purified madness in my life.
Since I am not in the condition to be grammatically proper right now so I will make another list. And, if any one of bitches feels that I have been making too many “lists” lately, then you can just eat my shorts. Or as Ryan Reynolds would put it, if he were here, with me, shirtless, (as you can see I seem to have digressed a lot from the originally planned theme) …
All, right, all right. I wont make a list. Calm down. Turn the pitch of your voice lower. . . . Thank You.
Well, to start off with, like all self respecting twenty five year olds from non health conscious third world countries with a lack of mass discipline and self control I had 4 fried eggs for breakfast on Saturday as well as on Sunday. I just love long sentences. And, fried eggs. And, strange contortions of logic and sense. And, oiled up muscled men who come in wrestling programs the world over. As you can see, it is very hard for me to control my thoughts. I love that too.
Then, I answered three phone calls from friends in places as far away as Hyderabad, Bahawalpur and Islamabad asking me the proper English wording for a wedding invitation card. So basically, firstly, what the hell is wrong with people, secondly, why the hell does everyone want to get married so soon in life, thirdly, why the hell didn’t I know the answer to their questions.
Oh and yes, I realized that I am indeed, despite what the latest research is saying, attracted by male pheronomes. I realized this when a guy, sweat soaked T-shirt, Sweat soaked jogging suit walked by me and the only thing that I could think was to make sure I stared at him with lusty eyes as he walked away as opposed to immersing myself in that little nearly empty mini bottle of cologne that I have in the office.
I learnt one thing during this post. Extremely long sentences stop making sense.
Saturday – 09 Shawwal 1426 – 21 Kartika 1927 – 12 November 2005
After a week of work, bitching and buying a little too many new underwear (I won’t tell you their colour goddamnit!) the guys decided, all of a sudden, to go to the beach for the night. There was a mad rush of lies, deceit and treachery as we tried to get each other to do all the groundwork. I will have you know, my doting audience, that I turned out to be an evil, scheming manipulator and wiggled my way out of any work that might have come my way.
We got to the hut a little before sunset. As per accepted norms we lied down in the middle of the beach to watch the sun and the sea. The stars and the see. The moon and the sea. The stars and the sea. The sun and the sea. Sunlit walks in the warm waters of the sea on a warm November evening. Moonlit walks in the warm waters of the sea on a cool November night. Starlit walks in the warm waters of the sea on a chilly November night.
As with each and every one of my trips to the beach it was Turtle hatching season. I don’t understand, maybe turtles hatch all year round, or, when I go there they just hatch because of my overpowering hormones exuding themselves into the air. Needless to say, it is one of the more wonderful feelings for a gay guy to sit on a giant sea turtle. Boys, highly recommended. Girls, highly recommended.
One of the more beautiful things about all-guy weekends out and about is the completely brain dead moronic bets that people get into. I mean, how the fuck did M say that he can eat more than me. Of-fucking-course I won the bet. Not everyone can eat 9 pizza slices just after eight people have finished one kilo of Nimko (all of you poor creatures who have not eaten Nimko, I feel for you). Oh and yes, in case you were wondering. There was a LOT of Pakola there as well.
Most of the rest of the night was a kind of a blur. I think this may have been because I had at least ten loaded cigarettes and at least one bottle of whisky during the twelve hour interval. Yes, yes, yes, I know I am a complete freak but how the hell do you expect someone to keep warm under such circumstances.
After reading the ensuing summary I am pretty sure that the night was one of excessive debauchery, corruption, sin, decadence and excess.
Picnic Summary :
9 – Number of pizza slices eaten
4 – Number of barbequed chicken legs eaten
0.2 Kilos – Amount of Nimko eaten
8 – Bottles of Pakola drank
0.5 Litres – Amount of Scotch
8 – Number of filled cigarettes
8 – Bottles of Coke added to the Scotch
9 – Bathroom Trips
3 – Non Bathroom Trips
7 – Number of times S told the same 15 minute long story
7 – Number of times everyone laughed at the story
0 – Number of times I laughed at the story
6 – Number of Turtle hatchlings released in the sea with my own hands
2 – Number of giants sea turtles I sat on
Friday – 08 Shawwal 1426 – 20 Kartika 1927 – 11 November 2005
A million things go on in life. My 85 work hours a week keep piling on and on. Suddenly I notice that there is not much in life than work. Suddenly I notice that I want to do things outside those walls that I dont get to do. Suddenly I notice that I need more time to myself and my life.
So here I am, someone who has been working for 85 hours a week for the last three months, someone who has not had a Sunday off in two months, sitting up at 0240 in the morning, typing onto my blog and not caring about how I will go to work tomorrow.
Seems like a breaking point. A point in life where I dont know what I am doing what I am doing. I am sure you all realize that I am talking about the blog and not my job and what I am actually doing in life. So basically, I feel strange and I like to share it with you.
Big frikking deal! I am pretty sure you can find many other people who you will not consider normal. So, basically, shoo, shoo, shoo and go off to work!