Archive for April, 2007

Saturday – 10 Rabi us Sani 1428 – 08 Vaisakh 1929 – 28 April 2007

There are great cooks; there are good cooks; and there are terrible cooks. Apart from being the starting lines of the 1,400 page rollercoaster of a novel on the saucy life of a homosexual cook in an upper class Pakistani house with a general penchant for sex and immorality dealing with the social, cultural and religious undercurrents of Pakistani society this will also the starting line of today’s post.

I found out today that I am a bad cook. So if I had a gun to my head and had to cook eggs or something easier, I would end up being dead! Rather than being able to dish up a palatable dish. I sure hope my wife is a good cook. Or I will be destined to a life of eating out at expensive restaurants and growing fat faster than a speeding bullet.

Thursday – 08 Rabi us Sani 1428 – 06 Vaisakh 1929 – 26 April 2007

Quote of the day, courtesy St. Jalaluddin the lunatic (can also be read as Maulana Jalaluddin the Lunatic, Swami Jalaluddin the Lunatic or Kahn Jalaluddin the Lunatic).

General – Man is a social animal.

Correct – Man is a sexual animal.

Wednesday – 07 Rabi us Sani 1428 – 05 Vaisakh 1929 – 25 April 2007

Well! If there is anything I really like about work, it is the all day training sessions that come few and far between like smiling managers and overly motivated employees. You get to meet a bit too diverse a group of people all trying to enjoy their first and last escape from the clutches of their manager.

And, training means getting off from work at 5 at opposed to the usual 12. So, one gets to have a life. You can go out, have coffee with friends, who, one has to admit, like discussing the strangest of things. What kind of women men are attracted to? What are your worst fears? Who did what at work? I am sorry, I am gay and would like to sleep with Colin Farrell but discussing such personal emotional stuff makes me feel uncomfortable and edgy. I mean, what the fuck, I will talk about feelings and emotions if I grow a vagina, but since I am a man, I would rather talk about guns, killing wild animals and fighter jet planes.

Hmmmmmmmm. My brain seems to have been seriously damaged over the past couple of months. Mental Balm anyone?

Monday – 05 Rabi us Sani 1428 – 03 Vaisakh 1929 – 23 April 2007

With the fear of sounding overly repetitive, it has been some time. I would ascribe my absolute lack of linguistic and mental abilities to my vampiric capitalistic complete devoid of sensient brain cell organization. But then again, who can really say who is to blame generally.

So, recently I was supposed to move to another department. I was hoping it would be the one with the hot manager, with whome I had planned to have wild animal sex on the office desk and then fall to the cold marble floor during the dangerous and rather illegal liaison and not even notice. But it turns out that my passionate tasting of the forbidden fruit was not to be for I was shifted to another department with a rather brainless sub human evil imbecile as a boss who I am sure would not be able to get an erection without dedicated help from at least four of his team members because it just was so complicated.

Please dont get me wrong. I like evil men. I love evil men. Especially Satan. I am sure sex with him would be torrid, for want of a more intense word. But then again I am expecting Satan to have a smashing sense of humour, like all villains in cheap hollywood movies.

Apart of my sojourn in the dark malicious corridors of Vampire Inc life is basically good. I have had to come to out to my older sisters. Who have taken it as an aberration and have promptly asked me to pray regularly and only then will I become normal and this anomaly will be removed as it has to be the work of the devil. Of course gay sex is wrong. But then again they havent seen Pavel Novotny. How can someone so muscular and extremely sexable (on a scale of 1 – 37 : 35) be wrong. Doh! Of course being gay is ok. If only Colin Farrell was gay, I would absolve myself completely. All said and done, I am supposed to find a good girl very very soon and get married.

And, my mother has been working to this effect. I have laid down two conditions for the girl, a – she needs to be intelligent, and b – she needs to be a good house keeper, food and the works. So I am quite assured that since they will never find a woman with both of these abilities I wont get married in the next 673 years, the time it takes for a woman like that to be born out of a society much much much more mature than ours. And, if there was one like that then the rest of the women in Pakistan would make he life hell and wont accept it. So I am clear all over.

Which reminds me that the sultry, humid, windy Karachi summers are here. And along with the humidity, temprature, flies, and power breakdowns / blackouts my libido has gone through the roof. I have finally turned into a sexually deprived maniac hunting for sex like a famished Lion hunts amongst the Zebras.

I done know if you have noticed but I seem to have used animal and nature related words a lot. Thats it, no more watching Animal Planet in the hope of watching Dolphins have sex and actually trying to learn something and implement it in real life. Perverted!

Oh, and in case you didnt like this entry. I wrote a five pager at the end of which my frikking Netscape crashed. I knew technology was out to get me. But I fooled it.