Saturday – 02 Ramazan 1428 – 24 Bhadra 1929 – 15 September 2007

First of all, apologies to all of you for not blogging regular. Yes, all zero of you. Dont look at me as if you dont know who I am talking about; you know who you are. Moving on, I have been quite busy lately. Just moved to a new department at work, so trying very hard to learn, come up the curve, not make stupid moronic blunders like I do with the choices in my life. That has been taking up a lot of my time recently. Other than work, my room has been flooded with 3 inches of water for the past one month. Thanks to crazy cyclones and thunderstorms in Karachi and my room being in a basement with bad water proofing.

That done, I am getting a chance to blog after a long time today. Seems like I have been restricted to blogging over the weekends only.

All right! All right! I will stop my blabbering rambles and get down to the actual topic at hand.

Coming to the really juicy bits of news about my life. I am engaged.

So, it would turn out that my parents did drag me to Islamabad two weeks ago to see their friends’ daughter. We met over dinner. The girl’s family is very conservative and we were not allowed to talk. But we did sit very close to each other and could hear each other. Imagine making the decision of whether to marry someone or not based on hearing them talking to someone else for a two hour period over a formal family dinner. My life just has to be absolutely strange and unpredictable doesnt it? 

I always knew that I have to get married one day or the other. Seemed like an inevitable. Too many expectations and desires from many other quarters that share my life. And my mother would nag the fuck out of my life. So, if it was to be, I might as well select someone I like. There was noone else. So, plan B, arranged marriage. Hence, Islamabad two weeks ago. But, since I am gay and what the fuck else not, I knew that for me any girl would be the same as any other girl. Since this makes my choice useless, I let my parents decide. I knew how they felt about her, so I told them I liked her a lot as well.

The next day we went to my in-laws place for a formal dinner. The gifts that we were to give her were all selected by me. I do have a good eye for things. As was proven later on. Moving on; after dinner was the usual conversation about asking for hands in marriages and combination of families and how happy people are to have us in their family and how this is a momentous occasion and friendship has been matured to relationship. And so on and so forth. Usual traditional one hour conversation. And then, we came back to Karachi the next morning.

I found out two days later that that was my engagement. Although I distinctly remember an engagement being an event with at least a large number of people and food and a clear declaration that there is an engagement going on. But, it seems that the parents didnt feel that way. So, I found out I am engaged two days after the engagement. And marriage is in March.

And, as for the girl, we have been talking for an hour or two on a daily basis since the ‘engagement’ and two weeks is a long enough time. She still doesnt know I that I am gay. Otherwise I have shared everything with her, and she with me. It is so so so so so fucking difficult to have always imagined this very same thing with a guy and have to end up doing this with a girl. Strange. But then again, cest la vie. Seems that homosexuality and marriage seem to be quite compatible in Pakistan. Sex and relationships are different things. Rather sex and sexual attration to a certain gender are different things. Strang, strange.

Oh, from what I have found out about her, I think that if she can only accept the gay thing, and I will tell her only if I know that she will accept it, I think things will work out quite well.

Fuck! I am engaged to be married in March. Fuck! I am so serously going to fucking freak out. I was not thinking about this when I started writing. But, basically, fuck. Guess ill go have some cold water and watch porn to calm down. Take care.


  pakipoptart wrote @

In complete shock!

  MB wrote @

Wah bhai wah!!
Bunda engage hogaya or phir bhi meray blog per lonliness ki batain.

By the way mubarakan. But where is mithai ?

  PsycheD wrote @

and taking cue from ur last para……….fuck man! ur seriously fucked! :P

but i respect u for ur courage and the the way ur taking it all in for the sake of ur parents….if u were a regular guy….i wud have sed otherwise (having had lost out on 2 relationships coz the guys had to go for amma’s choice in the end blah blah…)

anyhow….actually i swung by here to wish u a belated happy birthday big one! :)

pls tell me ur gona keep updating…..and for what its worth….gud luck dude!

  PsycheD wrote @

and btw….what if ur soon-to-be-wifey discovers ur blog???? horror of horrors???

  Jalal wrote @

MB – Dude, I dont know but it does happen at times, music, pictures, the weather, it can be triggered. As for the Mitthai, it is only available after you tell me what kind you like.

PsycheD – Lolz! Khair, one has to do things that need to be done. And I will keep updating. And thank you very much for the birthday wish. And she will discover it, because I will tell her that I am gay before marriage so she has time to back off and all.

  That one chick wrote @

Ok, first of all I was very disappointed (for the girl) and the injustice of it all, but THANK GOD you wrote an answer to PsycheD..! I’m sooooooooooooo glad you’re going to tell her. Good luck and I hope everything works out…and kudos at your guts! :)

  PsycheD wrote @

wow….u just earned urself more brownie points there dude! go for it! i guess thats the right thing to do. but if u have decided to tell her about it – i suggest u do it asap b4 thigns get deeper and serious….from her side and from the parents’ i mean i.e. b4 the tayaariyan gets into full swing.
this is why i salute gays….they got more balls than the regular straight dickheads….sorry for the cussing…..but im just being honest here….and i kinda like u n ur blog too :)
so for what its worth – gud luck!

and oh! what if she doesnt back out? dont forget how submissive and compromising girls are in this fucked up society of ours…sp when it comes to shadi matters.
phew long comment…i better shut it for now

  shez wrote @

man, talk about being in the crapper!
your story sounded very similar to mine, except the gay thing, but we all have skeletons in the closet, good luck!

PS: if you are gay does that somehow make it less evil to cheat after marriage, just wondering?

  Jalal wrote @

Its not that I want her to say yes or no. I just want her to say what she feels. And even if it is a yes I will be comfortable with things.

Well, it doesnt make it any less or more evil. Just that, it is easier, but more perverted, so it depends on how your wife sees it. She can be, its ok if it is not another woman, or she can be, you are a perverted freak and I dont love you any more. So dunno what its like in real life.

  PsycheD wrote @

u might want to see my “valid or not” post ;)

  Tuzk e Jalali wrote @

[…] Comments jalaluddin on AccidentMB on AccidentPsycheD on AccidentPsycheD on EngagementJalal on […]

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