Melancholia

Tuesday – 17 Shawwal 1428 – 08 Kartika 1929 – 30 October 2007

To start off with, basically, wow. Has been long.

At first I thought that I was having my periods and that had thrown me completely out of my emotional balance. But then I remembered that men dont have periods. They basically don’t have any excuses for suddenly becoming emotionally insane. Except the usual female complaint of being “just pigs”. So I will use that. I am just a pig. And mind you, Pigs can have half hour long orgasms. As it can be seen I use a situation where I find my life completely miserable and a mere shadow of an exitence on the surface of a rather wavy pond and turn it into a source of immense envy in the hearts of others. Yes, half hour long. Not me, Pigs.

So, as some of you might see from my previous emails, I have been extremely depressed because of my state of being gay in Pakistan. No acceptance within my family or society. No chance of leading a gay life. No chance of being happy by not leading a gay life. Do not believe in cheating on my wife or fiance. Do not believe in sleeping with men if my family does not know or approve. More contradictions in one sentence than I am used to hear from some of the more imbecilic of my colleagues when I have to stop them in each sentence and tell them that they are just not making any fucking sense.

So, I have seen the whole of “3rd Rock from the Sun” in the past two weeks.  I just love the show, and by that I mean, I love it to a level considered taboo in most societies. And, I am reading Hardy – A pair of blue eyes. I absolutely adore Hardy. His works capture my life in ways that are haunting and relieving at the same time. After this I will read Tess. I loved Jude and the Mayor of Casterbridge.

And, in the ending I think I would like to say that most probably my depression is coming to an end. Or maybe not. Too early to tell. But I just hope that if my depression does continue I do not want to spend sixteen straight hours in front of the television just to not let my mind wander off to any other ideas.

Oh, and yes, if there are any eligible Lesbian women out there looking for gay guys to marry. Send me a fucking email so we can finalize the deal woman!

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4 Comments»

  pakipoptart wrote @

Why don’t you just move out of the country? Get your big Paki butt over here already!

  goblinbox wrote @

“Do not believe in sleeping with men if my family does not know or approve.”

Get over it. No one, be they str8 or gay, has a family that wants to know the details of their sex life. No one.

Sex is only interesting to the parties involved. No one else cares. Move on with your life, hon, and quit looking for acceptance from that quarter because it isn’t coming.

*smooch*

  PsycheD wrote @

i think i read about 45 minutes :P

u know what – i simply adore jack in ugly betty and the jack in will & grace….go figure ;)

lol@ “But then I remembered that men dont have periods. They basically don’t have any excuses for suddenly becoming emotionally insane.” :D we women are that bad huh!

  Mayank Austen Soofi wrote @

Hey, this was a very nice piece. You write very well. And I understand your despair. Hopefully, it will pass.


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