Coming Out

Sunday – 29 Shawwal 1428 – 20 Kartika 1929 – 11 November 2007 

So, I finally came out to my father. Late last night we were having a long discussion on my engagement and my relationship with my fiance, which by the way are not going all that well. During the discussion, I felt a sudden breakdown of things. I could feel my though processes breaking down. I had a complete unability to focus or think or pay any attention to what my father was saying. All that was left of the voices in my head were two voices contradictory and conflicting. One of restraint urging me to keep quiet about my homosexuality otherwise I would end up hurting my father. The other of action urging me to let my relationship with my father be based on the truth of circumstances and not the deceitful layers of submission.

And while this argument was going on in my head, I just blurted out, abruptly, and with no build up to my father that I was gay. The sudden declartion scared me as it shocked my father. I had never until now, in my whole life, done something before the voices in my head had had a chance to come to a decision. This was a first, and even that on such a delicate matter.

All that said, amidst two hours of awkward silences and the strangest of discussions I think my father has come to accept the fact that I am indeed gay. I think I have fallen in his eyes. I could sense clearly from his tone and his words that he feels that his bloodlines and his future generations have floundered upon dangerous territories. I just dont know how to rectify that. During the discussion I told him that I will get married and try to lead a normal life. But, I don’t really know what he feels or thinks right now. I guess only time will tell.

I still want to be just like him when I grow up.

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15 Comments»

  Random wrote @

I applaud your courage in telling your father. Its rare hearing stories about Pakistani’s coming out about their homosexuality, given the stigma in our society.

I think you’d be doing a disservice to yourself and your fiance if you did get married just to please your father. Your fiance is looking forward to a life with a commited husband, something you can’t be — to her atleast.

I wish you the best of luck. Would love to hear how things turn out in future posts.

  pakipoptart wrote @

What brought this on? You’ve left so much out of this it seems. You’ll have to update us soon.

  Adnan Siddiqi wrote @

complex situation.

you didn’t mention whether you feel ashamed of being Gay or feel better?

  MB wrote @

Indeed a complex situation.

Bravo for sharing it with father but this in no way means things will ease out.

You havn’t won the war, you have just started it.

  marsha wrote @

You are very brave…

  jalaluddin wrote @

Random – Actually now I think that what I did was the stupidest thing I ever did in my life.

pakipoptart – Yar, it would seem that my extreme depression and psychological breakdown led me to just suddenly tell him. I couldnt keep it in any more.

Adnan – Never shame. Only gay pride.

MB – Well said. And to think that I knew this even before I started off with it.

marsha – I am thinking I am more stupid than brave.

  khawaja wrote @

shame on you lanat hai tmharey muslman honey per

  Jere wrote @

Congratulations…you’ve made the first step toward becoming your own man. I’m proud of you and you should be proud of yourself.

Keep in mind that you can still be gay and live a normal life. Perhaps that life isn’t what you or your parents envisioned, but to you being gay is as normal as being straight is to them. So you’re normal. You just also happen to be gay.

I would advise you to not go forward with this marriage unless the woman fully understands and accepts your gayness. Not fair to her to deceive her in this manner. And not fair to you to take further steps toward hiding who you are.

  PsycheD wrote @

i thnk that was a very right thing to do. and if i may dare say so, i thnk ur dad/family were on a denial. I just hope they continue to support u and help ease things out.
so no update on the consequences of that act? i hope its all positive. gud luck and god bless…..and repeating ur advice to me….it’s ur life, lead it the way it makes u happy….(altho im still up in arms against that u know….but then again, there’s this somthing callep optimism)

  umair wrote @

@Jalal: why you want me to email you ?

  anthorclosetgay wrote @

I don’t know if you did the right thing or not as i am determined not to tell them. Secondly they usually know very early if the son is gay but can’t accept it.

The one thing i am certain is i am not going to marry any girl just because my parent want to. That girl life does matter to me.

  marsha loftis wrote @

It would be a better world if we could all feel free to live the life we wanted and not be afraid.

  jalaluddin wrote @

khawaja – I am not a Muslim. I am an agnostic.
Jere – I havent even told her I am an agnostic yet. The gay thing. Not yet. You dont understand. It is so severely complicated right now.
Psyched – I now think I shouldnt have done it. Being brash is also a bad thing. I learn.
umair – Sorry man, mistaken entry.
anthorclosetgay – Take my advice as someone who has been through this. Dont tell them. They will never be able to handle it. Better leave it out of their sight. And, since you are in the position as I am, dont pass judgements on me, you know this situation all too well.
Marsha – But it is not. What a pity.

  Nikki wrote @

just a quick question would u rather explain u being an agnostic and ur family are all Muslims even the gurl to whom you are supposedly engaged are Muslims? is this the fault of ur parents or u vr brought up in this manner ? and well u see u were free enough to be agnostic disregarding what ur parents were following, then it means still ur free to be a gay…!!

  ag wrote @

I applaud you for doing what you did. Like millions others before me and you, I went through a similar experience when I was about 25. During my medical school training, I read extensively on this subject on an off chance that my inner self was telling me something I was not. I realized that there was nothing wrong with me as there is nothing wrong with being born with a mole on one’s hand . it is way better to be an ego-syntonic homosexual than an ego-dystonic one. That coming out event changed my life for good. I am the best son my parents could have and the best uncle my nephew and nieces could have and the best brother that my sister could have and I strive everyday to be a better physician and teacher. You did the right thing. God bless you.


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