Archive for December, 2007

Trajedy

Thursday – 16 Zilhaj 1428 – 07 Pausa 1929 – 27 December 2007

Former Prime Minister of Pakistan, chirperson of the Pakistan Peoples Party and the mother of three children; Benazir Bhutto was assasinated in a suicide terrorist attack today in Rawalpindi’s Liaquat Bagh.

I was at work. Suddenly a very senior officer burst onto the floor, consulted with the two most senior officers on the floor and then started telling all staff to immediately pack up and leave the office. Took two minutes to sink in. Then there was nothing but fear and panic. People were on their phones but the networks of all cell phone companies were jammed. People rushed out of the building in a state of panic and confusion. I got in my car and headed for home.

The city was not right. Things were not as they are. There was too much traffic and there was an extremely palpable quantity of fear and panic. Chaos. Everyone in every car was worried, everyone had rushed out from work to head home, safety seemed elusive at the least, crazy traffic. And then I got home.

And then it sunk in. My country. My people. Me. What a loss. What a loss. I did not support Benazir but I think she was a great politician of Pakistan. What a loss.

Violence in Pakistan has gone out of hand. This is not us. We are not like this. This is not my Pakistan.

Journey

Monday – 13 Zilhaj 1428 – 04 Pausa 1929 – 24 December 2007  

So, despite all the suggestions, ideas, opinions, advice and orders given to us, me and a group of friends decided to go on a Pakistan wide road trip. Starting on the day of Eid. Crazy you might say, but I would call it an adventure. That is life, what the boring goat killing meat eating morons call stupidity and crass idiocy I would call adventure and action. After all, I have learnt over a lifetime that I do not usually do what society expects me to do and I do things on many occasions just to be different and opposing to the trends to society. I used to think of it as individualism and non comformity, but now, I think it is just psychotic stubbornness.

So, the trip being so long and so intense can not be put into words, I would need to write at least 56,783 pages. But, lets not do that. I will just give a summary of how the trip unfolded.

Karachi – 07:38 – 21,069 Kms
Nooriabad – 08:59 – 21,181 Kms

Flying the car at 160kmph.

Jamshoro – 09:25 – 21,238 Kms
Sehwan – 10:52 – 21,372 Kms
Dadu – 11:44 – 21,416 Kms

Bad fucking roads; suicidal dogs who would just not get out of the way of the car; lots of roadkill; crazy people standing in the middle of the road and not moving unless I keep my hand on the horn; and last but not least the company of good friends to get me through this.

Larkana – 14:11 – 21,545 Kms
Sukkur – 16:21 – 21,651 Kms

Having food at Sukkur.

Sindh Punjab Border – 18:52 – 21,794 Kms
Sadiqabad – 19:15 – 21,821 Kms
Rahim Yar Khan – 19:31 – 21,843 Kms
Bahawalpur – 21:32 – 22,036 Kms

Calling twenty odd people who we knew and asking them if it is a good idea to go straight to Lahore and not stop over in Multan as we had planned earlier. Opposition from each and every one of those people. Despite that we decide to go straight to Lahore and not stop in the middle. If only there was one sane person in the car they would have told us not to go straight to Lahore and stop over in Multan. Global public opinion versus the people in the car. We win and we move for Lahore.

Multan – 22:35 – 22,118 Kms

Unbelievable amounts of Coffee in Multan. Hogging it.

Mian Chunnu – Haroon Service Station – 00:32 – 22,222 Kms

Used the restroom, again. Terrible.

Harappa – 01:10 – 22,276 Kms
Sahiwal – 01:24 – 22,296 Kms
Okara – 01:53 – 22,337 Kms

The journey just does not stop. Long, long, long, long, two drivers, eighteen hours. Amazingly long journey.

Getting to drive in Lahore for the first time in my life.

Lahore – 03:30 – 22,478 Kms

Sleep over in Lahore, getting up and going to Daewoo Bus service for a ticket to Islamabad. Got a ticket for 8. Traded in the ticket for an open position in an earlier bus.

Daewoo Lahore – 19:37
Ravi – 20:06
Bhera – 21:20
Motorway Ends Islamabad – 11:55

Get to meet four of my friends from college. They are in from different parts of the world, and the possibility of these people gathering in one place in one time is nearly non existent. So, enjoying the company.

Marriott – 12:30
Serena – 02:30
Marriott – 02:45
Home – 03:15

Started reading the Kite Runner.

Sleep – 04:00
Awake – 10:15
Full Quorum – 11:15
Heading out – 13:15
Buying Beers – 14:15
Having Beers – 15:15
Having Food – 16:15
Leaving for Airport – 17:00
Islamabad Airport – 19:00
Karachi Airport – 21:00
Home – 21:45

Travelled across the country and got back home. One very long road trip. One meeting with a group of all of my friends from college. Amazing journey for life.

Overwhelmed

Monday – 29 Ziqaad 1428 – 19 Agrahayana 1929 – 10 December 2007 

I usually hate to question ancient wisdom and present my own ideas completely contrary to general opinion. But, today I must. There is such a thing as an interesting Monday, or maybe even a very interesting Monday. I shall present a summary of day. I am sure I would be unable to present the day in any manner better than this, since it is very late.

Woke up late on a winter morning. Sleeping in a going late to work is just amazing on a cold Monday morning. And to top all that off it was amazing weather.

Finished two tasks in record time and spent the rest of the wasting time since my manager knew that those tasks take two days. What can I say. I am good at what I do.

Had a good, hearty, healthy and tasteless lunch. Put out every cigarette half way; that is when I remembered that I had to stop smoking from today.

Went over to my previous department for some work. And I saw an absolutely hot guy there. And I mean 10/10. Better than any I have seen in the past couple of months (of course this does not include porn).

Joined the gym in my office building. There is no other way of ensuring that I go to the gym. And add to that my neighbour is also going. Good. Now I can be assured for being nagged to the gym on a daily basis.

Came home and had a beautiful dinner accompanied by rain. Such a wonderful addition to Karachi weather at this time of the year.

Gave a close friend a small birthday coffee party at Espresso. That is a good place. I would recommend their breakfast to everyone and their grandmother’s friends.

Hooked up with an old friend. Made out, and completed a list of activities legally, morally, ethically, religiously, socially and culturally incongruent with how life is lived in my part of the world. Getting laid is just such an absolutely amazing experience. And to top all that off, I just can not resist facial hair. I am such a slut.

So, with the above eight activities completed, the last one being highly highly weightier than the rest, I would have to say. Good day today. And hopefully a good day tomorrow. Have a nice day and enjoy every moment of it. And, of course, do not let go of any opportunity to make out and be a slut.

Jalal – Over and out.

Prejudicial Weekend

Monday – 22 Ziqaad 1428 – 12 Agrahayana 1929 – 03 December 2007 

It is a truth well established that all respectable and able human beings will delve into the deepest depths of bigotry and personal prejudices on any available opportunity. I must add, I too adore bigotry, prejudices and general rage against other humans. If not that then at least it makes life and boring weekends a lot more worthwhile than usual. My most favourite is an Urdu term that is (تعصب) which would translate to something like very strong and deeprooted bigotry.

This weekend like so many others before it came with the usual fear of having to spend inordinately long periods of time without any major human company as I have been used to. Working in an office which is forever at the brink of mass chaos and supports a life faster than that for which humans have developed over eons I can not spend time alone. Something has to be there to punctuate each and every one of my waking moments. Unfortunately weekends present a problem. So, I prefer to spend time doing too many things and end up having weekends that are more stressful than working weekdays. Good.

So, the weekend was going fine on Saturday. Little did I know that it would get turned into a hell fest with a big ugly woman beating me with leather tongs. Remember I am gay. Being beated by an ugly woman is not my idea of hot fiery love.

I went to a family function, and one of my relatives forgets the way to the place. In a moment of divine retribution they call me for directions. The first thing I am told is that they have just taken a left on a major landmark. What the fuck is that supposed to mean. There are four fucking roads, and there is a left on every fucking one of them. And then they tell me stuff like, “we dont know which road we are on, but we are passing house no 73/1”. All the nerves and veins in my brain popped. I could hear them. Some people present said that they felt that a scream has emanated from the depths of the earth and destroyed the eternal aura worn by our planet, the mother earth. I hate idiots. And telling people how to navigate in a city when they have no fucking idea how to do it can lead one to poke their fingers into their nostrils and hope that their brain will get punctured and they will die immediately and not face the conversation any more.

As if that wasnt enough, I got late for my friend NA’s wedding. Idiot. He had gotten a facial or something and hence was glowing like a light bulb. Idiot. I mean, it is ok to do it a bit, but there are limits. If you are glowing brightly enough to blind your guests and other creatures like bats and dolphins then please get yourself checked up. And to think that I had a crush on him till Friday.

Then on Sunday, we all had to go for a Dance Practice / Dholki at a friend’s. I am such a bad dancer. Actually this time it was actually acknowledged by everyone that I am a bad dancer. I feel much better now that everyone knows this. Yes, I know, even my shrink agrees that I have issues that he can not help me with and I need to work on then, and if my English teacher were here she would definitely have an issue with the length and structure of this sentence, but basically fuck off and bite me and call me Judy while you spank me red and blue.

And to top it all off, I have learnt why I hate Canada. It is where fucking MUH (a friend of mine) is from. So, that is what is actually wrong with Canada. Eh!

Car

Friday – 19 Ziqaad 1428 – 09 Agrahayana 1929 – 30 November 2007

As opposed to the evil assertions made by certain people through comments, I had intended to tell everyone about my new car. And what I have been doing with it. And since you all know by now that I am quite fucking crazy, and that I can do things that are wierd and strange. I will give a synopsis of my relationship with the car in a point list format.

01 – Company = Toyota.
02 – Vehicle = Vitz.
03 – Model = 05′ the new shape one.
04 – Distance = About 3,000 Kms.
05 – Engine Power = 1,300 CC.
06 – Transmission = Transmission.
07 – Car Fuck = 0-100 in about 15 seconds.
08 – Car Super Fuck = 0-140 in about 50 seconds.
09 – Car Screaming Daddy Dont Stop You Are Going Way To Fast Super Fuck (CSDDSYAGWTFSF) = 146 Kms/Hr.
10 – Location of CSDDSYAGWTFSF = Mai Kolachi Bypass, which is within the city.
11 – Feeling During CSDDSYAGWTFSF = Hell fucking Yea!
12 – Orgasm equivalent of feeling during CSDDSYAGWTFSF = 3.18.
13 – Dangerous accident near misses = 1. (Kind of my fault, I have reformed since then)
14 – Slight accident near misses = 3. (None of my fault at all, I have still reformed since then)
15 – Mileage = 11 kms per litre.
16 – Radio Settings = Japanese, so I get only 70 MHz to 90 MHz, which means that I get only one Pakistani FM Channel, 89.
17 – Tinting = Back windows.
18 – Tyres = Tubeless.
19 – Flats to Date = 2.
20 – Rims = Allow Rims. (They turn me on every time)
21 – Front lights that have exploded for no fucking reason whatsoever = 1 out of 4.
22 – Exploded front lights not fixed = 1 out of 1.
23 – Steering Wheel = Grooves fit my hand.
24 – Number of glove compartments used = 3 out of 3.
25 – Speedometer positioning = Exact centre of the Dash Board.
26 – Number of very slight scratches due to my accidents = 2.
27 – Number of very slight previous scrateches = 3.
28 – Colour = Silver Metallic.
29 – Maximum number of passengers = 5 out of 5 spaces.
30 – Expected passengers for Sunday = 7.
31 – Folding back seats = 2 out of 2.
32 – Times it takes to open the trunk since I dont know how = 2 – 5 minutes.
33 – Distance travelled by me = about 700 Kms.
34 – Number of times felt sorry about buying the car = 0.
35 – Number of times felt sorry for other not owning the car = 89,873,849.
36 – Number of times I have stroked my car with love = 3 (I can feel the shame now)
37 – Number of times I have opened the hood just to learn about cars = 6.
38 – Of (37) number of times I had grease on my hands = 1.
39 – Of (38) number of times I felt gross = 1.
40 – Of (38) number of times I felt horny = 1.
41 – Loss of Car Cigarette Smoking Virginity = Yes.
42 – Loss of Car Joint Smoking Virginity = Yes.
43 – Loss of Car Alcohol Consumption Virginity = No.
44 – Loss of Car Making Out Virginity = No.
45 – Loss of Car Sex Virginity = No.
46 – Loss of Car Another Couple Having Sex Virginity = No. But I have actually during writing this comment realized that I think it will be amazingly hot for me to do this, so, all applications are welcome, you have to come with a partner, and I will be allowed to peek.

One issue that I have with the car is the frikking Japanese FM settings. I need to find out how to tackle that and take care of the thing because at times one does want to listen to other radio channels.

After having an Automatic car for about a month, I feel that the rest of life of driving cars was an absolute waste and I should be spanked till thoroughly pinkish-red as a punishment for this (applications welcome).

And finally, the car has so much fucking space. I have amazing leg space. If someone sits behind my seat, even they have amazing leg space. Amazing amont of space in the car. Unbelievable.