Day 10,033 – Tuesday – 25 Safar 1429 – 14 Phalgun 1929 – 04 March 2008 

Life sucks. Hate life. Want to move out to my own place. But, I talked to my parents about moving out again. And my mom said that she will not let me live like that since she still thinks I am a baby and can not care for myself. And my father gave me psycho babble about how everyone will say that my mother and sisters have been abandoned to live alone. But he said, that if I still wanted it, I can move out. But then he told me that it will destroy the family and he will have to leave his job.

So basically, they both said no. So, I force myself, discipline myself, organize myself and push myself each living moment to feel life and enjoy life and live life. But, I can not live my fucking life if there are people standing there to ensure that anything that I might want in life is denied to me because according to them it is not the right way for me to live.

Fuck this.

I have never been this depressive in my whole life. I force myself to keep away from the depression. But it just doesnt go away. I dont know whether I would want the rest of my life to end up being depressive half the time and fighting it the other half.


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  Bombshell wrote @

Thats sad enough but you have to kill this depression yourself or it will kill you.

  jalaluddin wrote @

The conditions are such that it is caused by others and not me. And I can not help how others percieve the world.

I am quite certain that it is going to be the latter and quite soon as well.

  Nen wrote @

Dude, get an apartment. Keep it a secret. Live multiple lives. Get it!

  jalaluddin wrote @

Hhaaahahahahah. You guys make it seem so fucking easy. Why dont you come over and live my life. Get an apartment and live there secrectly? When? What do you mean? Live there for one hour a day and come home and sleep???? For goodnesses sake, the reason that I am babbling out like a fucking moron here is because I do not have any proper answers, or I would have used them already and gotten something better out of my life.

I just think that evolution is the final arbiter, and the judgement on my case has been passed.

  Bombshell wrote @

Just leave it as it is for some time. If you would concentrate much on any issue, it becomes more bitter and creates more depression. Leave it. May be after some time, you can find a better solution. wesay why dont you want to live with your parents?

  pakipoptart wrote @

Stay strong sister!

  Nen wrote @

People do manage secret marriages. You can live there for plenty of time. Days and nights. You can make excuses like having to travel to another city, every once in a while. I’m just thinking of the apartment as the base for YOUR life. But perhaps this isn’t exactly what you want. I found this a very obvious solution for what I made out of the whole thing.

I do know that you aren’t a moron. I know it very very well.

Do go out and eat plenty of something that you realy love. This I know helps.

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