Archive for July, 2008

Writing

Day 10,178 – Sunday – 05 Sravana 1930 – 23 Rajab 1429 – 27 July 2008

And as suddenly as it started. The writers block is over. I have so much to write about. I am suddenly very happy, very excited and very high on how things are with me. Although the fact that I am not immeasurably rich and have the sexual capacity of a rabbit and the choice of sexual partners similar to Justin Timberlake is a constant nag, but I move on in life and enjoy what I do indeed have, as should everyone else, except the fact that this is such an incredibly long sentence that anyone who is still reading has not idea what I am talking about, hence the requirement for psychosis inhibiting pills to be crushed and added to my meals on a regular basis.

So, my ex fiance wants to get back together with me. I don’t know why. She broke off the engagement because she felt that I, read the word “I” again in a very self obsessed narcissistic manner and you will understand the actual pronunciation, had too many issues. Of course I did. No one is perfect. Then why are you coming back to me to beg, and I mean beg, me to take her back. Why? I am so confused? If I didn’t hate her enough for having rejected me, as would anyone else on the face of this planet who does get rejected, I would start doing it simply for this idiotic thing that she has started. I mean come on. You rejected me, left me, dumped me and broke of our engagement. And now you want me to take you back. I am sorry, but revenge is a dish best served cold. You left me once, and I am doing it now. I love being a heartless, calculating, evil man. It is so satisfying.

And then, as if my life was not stressful enough with all the excessive hunting for sex, I get a phone call at 1 am in the morning, it is NA’s mother in law saying that NA has not come home, is he with me. Of course, being a man, I immediately tell her that he was with me, but he must be at the game, at this time his wife takes the phone and starts talking to me. I am very very scared for NA. But, I cant show it, because, one – his wife will get worried, and two – he is my friend so I have to lie for him. So I tell her that he may not be able to use his phone because it was not working during the day. I am so delectably evil and yet available for sex at short notice. I change in 57 seconds, yes I saw this on the watch, and got to my car to find NA the idiot. But, just as I was starting my car, three minutes after the call, NAs wife calls me and tells me that he just called. I am so amazingly nice and yet available for sex at short notice.

Oh, and yes, me and my friend HS went to the wall on the beach. Amazing. It was incredibly cloudy and windy and the waves were absolutely crazy. Loved it. And since HS’s wife reads this, no, we did not smoke a lot. We are both trying to cut back, and we are both reasonable adults who do not lead self destructive lives. There, I said it!

Why the fuck cant I dance well. I hate not being able to dance well. Fuck!

Advertisements

Bizarredeficonnectoutrearth

Day 10,174 – Wednesday – 01 Sravana 1930 – 19 Rajab 1429 – 23 July 2008

The title can be broken up as; bizarre is weird; defi is lack of; connect is connection to; outre is outer; earth is world. Hence weird lack of connection to the outer world.

Since this morning I am feeling an absolute disconnect between myself and the rest of the world. It can not be verbalized easily. I feel as if everything in the world outside me has changed. As if I am in a different dimension and something has changed. I feel the same about myself, but something or rather everything outside me has changed. I have had this very same feeling on two occasions before this. 

The first one and the most vivid and strong one was during my university. I woke up, went back to my university after a two week break. And I felt completely out of sync with whatever was going on there. Completely, as if I have changed completely and each one of my relationships with people and each one of my relationships with objects have changed completely. As if millennia have passed for me but not for anything else. Do I feel emotionally attached to anything else any longer? I now feel as if I didnt. I had to build all of my earlier relationships with people as well as objects again. 

Same thing happened to me about two years ago. Again, I sleep in my world, my dimension, but when I wake up, I am in another world. Exactly similar, yet completely changed. But this one was very mild, but noticeable since I had been through it once. If I hadnt been through it, I am sure I would have noticed this one as well, it was that strong.

And this is the third one. Milder still. Yet still noticeable. A weird and strange feeling. Do not know and can not explain.

Do other people have this feeling as well? Or not? God! Am I really going insane. I have to go watch some porn and see if at least some of my relationships maintain their importance and depth.

PS – Yes they do ;) I have been cured.

Antinonconfrontationalism

Day 10,171 – Sunday – 29 Asadha 1930 – 16 Rajab 1429 – 20 July 2008

I have just realized that I have taken new and rather large strides on the path to being weird, argumentative and open to all new things. This includes the frikking piece of octopus Sashimi I had today. One of the reasons that I do not like Japanese cuisine a lot is that I prefer to eat food that is cooked properly, or preferably does not, at the very least, move on my plate. Long story short I was offered the octopus Sashimi and I tried it just because it was something new and different. And I loved it. Thankfully.

As of right now, if anyone on the face of this planet sends me an email, sms or letter saying something to the tune of “You are wrong” or “No” or “No, you dont” or “Does not” then without knowing the person or the reason behind it I will send a reply of “I am not” or “Yes” or “Yes I do” or “Does too” immediately without a second of thought. This is how bad this is. And to top this off my thing with my cousin where he says “Yes” and I say “No” has hit another level. After one year of sms, emails, facebook scraps, IM messages and 5 second phone calls I continue it ad infinitum. What the fuck is wrong with me.

And a weird, interesting yet disturbing fact about me. While I was doing my daily walk/jog/run thing today my right nipple was erect and my shirt was rubbing against it, yes I liked it for some time, but then I think that it the rubbing went too far and now my nipple hurts like hell. Touching it is like burning it with a lighted cigarette. I feel as if I have divulged too much information.

Fuck.

And the guy that I was having phone sex with last night had an amazing voice. But, dude, the whole Urdu thing, not my cup of tea. Please, please, please lets just have sex in English from now on. Oh, and yes, if you call me a girl again, or refer to me in the feminine gender, you will get kicked in your telephonic groin.

Excuse me. I really feel that I need to have a shrink so that I can be cool as well. And, if there was one, I would be calling him/her right now since I think that is a very major requirement at this moment.

Computers

Day 10,164 – Sunday – 22 Asadha 1930 – 09 Rajab 1429 – 13 July 2008

Disclaimer – As the post progresses there is a marked increase in sex, violent and graphical language. Please proceed at your own responsibility and do not proceed if you are not yet 18 years of age.

This is the first time I am using Pages, which the word processing tool available for Apple, to blog. I have to admit that as a new user of Apple I have to divide the world of computer users into three categories.

The first category is of the users who need to use the computer’s software to the maximum. They need to code in C++ and check if the code works. They need to be incredibly boring on the dinner table, because I don’t want to fucking know that you were able to shorten the code to four lines and now it is using less memory as well as processing power. I have spent four years of my life learning to fucking be an IT guy, and I don’t want to spend one more day at it. Thank you very much.

This category of users will be called the Software utilizers. They need to have a custom built computer with Linux installed on it.

The second category is of the users who need to use the computer’s hardware to the maximum. They need to process video files whilst they play graphics rich computer games. They need to be incredibly boring on the dinner table, because I don’t want to fucking know that you were able to fight off three Zerg rushes before you eventually raided the Zerg camp and destroyed them while the rest of your team could not help you. I have spent years of my life gaming, and I just cannot stand another conversation revolving around computer games any more.

This category of users will be called the Hardware utilizers. They need to have a PC with some version of windows installed on it.

The third category is of the users who need to use the computer’s ability to go basic tasks. They need to check their email, while they listen to music and have a movie on hold in the background. They need to be incredibly boring on the dinner table, because I don’t want to fucking know that you actually learnt that whales are mammals and that your IQ has increased to 70 points. I have spent years of my life dealing with insipid narcissists who have a severe brain deficiencies and I do not want to listen to conversations which push me down the IQ ladder any more.

This category of users will be called the Computer utilizers. They need to have a Mac.

It’s all right. I am not a bad person. I am just vicious and bitter. Also, if I don’t get a whole lot of sex soon, I will be vicious, bitter and perverse. There. Oh, oh, but I am a bed person. I love being in bed. With or without other people.

Wow. If any one of you out there is a psychiatrist, psychologist or just able to assess people, and specifically if you are hot men who will be able to give me love, can you please not email me to tell me that you are insane.

Oh, and yes, whichever one of you searched for “Amazing Gay Sex Karachi” on Google and landed on my blog. Email me now! I need some of that too.

And, I think that if you are a guy, you are not allowed to say fabulous or worst yet – fab. You are not. You are just so not.

See, see, this is what happens. This is what happens to otherwise slightly insane people (read me) when they do not get sex for a very long time. They go stark raving mad! Like me now! Oh My God! I cannot believe I am blogging like this. This is like a fucking scary telephone call when you just cannot hang up because you are stuck in a fucking vicious circle of lies, deceit and self birthing faux pas!

Before I say more. I beg to take to your leave. Good evening and enjoy yourselves. And if you happen to have some good porn quality sex, please do write to me in detail. That seems to be the only sexual intercourse that I will be having in some time.

Issues

Day 10,164 – Sunday – 22 Asadha 1930 – 09 Rajab 1429 – 13 July 2008

The problem with meeting too many people for eventual sexual purposes is that one gets to listen to too many things that one does not want to listen to.

I, for one, have had the pleasure of being rejected too many times for the reasons that I am fat, that I am ugly and that I have a small dick in the past two weeks that it is not even humorous any more, rather it is concerning and depressing. With all these faults, I can only thank God that I did indeed get all the sex that I have gotten to date.

Thank you Lord for the sex that you provide.

And yes, I am blogging from my new MacBook. Very very difficult shifting from Windows/PC to X/Mac. But amazing. Will start blogging more often from here.

Lust

Day 10,153 – Wednesday – 11 Asadha 1930 – 27 Jamadi us Sani 1429 – 02 July 2008

Another sexually graphic email also pertaining to homosexuality. Please ignore if this thing makes you uncomfortable and if you are not 18 yet.

I was going on a blind pre fuck screening date thing with this guy in the afternoon. And he turned out to be an absolute moron. While I was sitting there, listening to him go on and on about how good he is in bed, I was thinking about the following. If my average IQ is 167 and my weight is 90kgs. And I get to sleep with him. And his weight is 80kgs. And his IQ is obviously less than 10. Than the average iq of the fuck session on my bed would be lower than 90. I just can not put my bed up for ridicule and damnation is such a situation. So, guys, if you IQ is below 33. We are not having sex.

Sorry.

And, I really do not like Sex and the City. Does this mean I am gay? Or not?

Oh and yes, noone is allowed to have romantic/psychological/emotional issues before vital organs are touched. If I havent touched your penis, kissed your lips or played with you ass yet, you can not call me up and tell me that I am not giving you all the time that you need.

Net Dating

Day 10,152 – Tuesday – 10 Asadha 1930 – 26 Jamadi us Sani 1429 – 01 July 2008

Being a gay guy in Pakistan means a lot of things. One of them means that one has to go the extra mile to find other people. Since I am very bad at keeping friendships / acquaintances intact in the gay circle I need to find new people online all the time. There is a very small group of gay people, about four or five, who I am in regular contact with, and recently they have even set me up with a couple of guys. But, suffice to say, the internet is the primary medium of finding sex, lust, affection and love in my life. Could things be geekier. No. Could thing be wierder in the Pakistani environment. Yes. Thankfully for me. Despite be delightfully insane I am only marginally lower than the national average. Good for social life, bad for overly sensitive self elevating ego.

Of course there are so many absolutely interesting things emanating from the whole concept of internet based dating that I would be exceedingly cruel, stupid and boring not to recount some of my favourites.

Of course the most interesting of all is the details. In order of appearance these are; the first question asl (age sex location); the second tbvo (top bottom versatile oral); and the third stats (general idea of visual appearance). Then there is some descriptive discussion and eventually there is the exchanging of the name and email and phone number. Now, the rule is, you can lie about your name (only if you in the closet). That is it. You can not lie about any of the other details. If you are 6’0 high, then you can not tell me 6’2 because when I meet you I am going to fucking see through that. You fucking imbecile. You can not fucking lie about direct physical appearance cues. Moron! So, I get this guy today, he tells me he is 28. Then after we decide on where and when to meet, he asks me “what is your real age?”. I tell him “It is the same as the fake age I gave above, what is your real age?”. It was 30. Idiot. I decided not to suck his dick in the next 20 minutes when we were supposed to get together. And of course, the same goes for penis size. Dude, if it is 6 inches I will know. Dont tell me it is 7.5 inches. Or I will leave you hard and dry, in bed, like I did another jerk. I mean, fucking idiots. Do they think everyone else is blind. And of course the lying only makes it worst when you are discovered.

So, people out there. Please do not lie about things. Because when you do get someone interested in you. It will be worthwhile. And the sex will be, oh so much better!

There was this guy I met a couple of days earlier. Nothing. So, I decided to send him an sms stating, “Dude, lets just not continue this. It would never have worked out in any way”. I get a reply, “Who is this?”. To which, after much relief I replied, “Good. Done!”. And as simply as that, the whole thing is over. I love language.

Oh, Oh, Oh! I met this married guy online. According to him, he is a pure top. Question – What the fuck is a pure top? Is it a bottle headed moron who can not understand that sex is about pleasure? I dont care about the answer, I am fucking him anyways. Also, according to him, he takes a very long time, so I need to be ready to suck for a very long time. Very good. More dick for me! Moron dick that is.

As a matter on enquiry, to ask what my other friends, gay friends, think of the situation. I asked them if it was ok to sleep with a married guy. So, six out of six friends recently polled were of the opinion that it is perfectly ok. There were two basic opinions. The first one was that the management of his marriage and relationships is his problem and his issue and does not concern me. The second one was that married guys are amazing in bed and hence must be allowed to conduct their handywork. Good!