Archive for Avarice

Car

Friday – 19 Ziqaad 1428 – 09 Agrahayana 1929 – 30 November 2007

As opposed to the evil assertions made by certain people through comments, I had intended to tell everyone about my new car. And what I have been doing with it. And since you all know by now that I am quite fucking crazy, and that I can do things that are wierd and strange. I will give a synopsis of my relationship with the car in a point list format.

01 – Company = Toyota.
02 – Vehicle = Vitz.
03 – Model = 05′ the new shape one.
04 – Distance = About 3,000 Kms.
05 – Engine Power = 1,300 CC.
06 – Transmission = Transmission.
07 – Car Fuck = 0-100 in about 15 seconds.
08 – Car Super Fuck = 0-140 in about 50 seconds.
09 – Car Screaming Daddy Dont Stop You Are Going Way To Fast Super Fuck (CSDDSYAGWTFSF) = 146 Kms/Hr.
10 – Location of CSDDSYAGWTFSF = Mai Kolachi Bypass, which is within the city.
11 – Feeling During CSDDSYAGWTFSF = Hell fucking Yea!
12 – Orgasm equivalent of feeling during CSDDSYAGWTFSF = 3.18.
13 – Dangerous accident near misses = 1. (Kind of my fault, I have reformed since then)
14 – Slight accident near misses = 3. (None of my fault at all, I have still reformed since then)
15 – Mileage = 11 kms per litre.
16 – Radio Settings = Japanese, so I get only 70 MHz to 90 MHz, which means that I get only one Pakistani FM Channel, 89.
17 – Tinting = Back windows.
18 – Tyres = Tubeless.
19 – Flats to Date = 2.
20 – Rims = Allow Rims. (They turn me on every time)
21 – Front lights that have exploded for no fucking reason whatsoever = 1 out of 4.
22 – Exploded front lights not fixed = 1 out of 1.
23 – Steering Wheel = Grooves fit my hand.
24 – Number of glove compartments used = 3 out of 3.
25 – Speedometer positioning = Exact centre of the Dash Board.
26 – Number of very slight scratches due to my accidents = 2.
27 – Number of very slight previous scrateches = 3.
28 – Colour = Silver Metallic.
29 – Maximum number of passengers = 5 out of 5 spaces.
30 – Expected passengers for Sunday = 7.
31 – Folding back seats = 2 out of 2.
32 – Times it takes to open the trunk since I dont know how = 2 – 5 minutes.
33 – Distance travelled by me = about 700 Kms.
34 – Number of times felt sorry about buying the car = 0.
35 – Number of times felt sorry for other not owning the car = 89,873,849.
36 – Number of times I have stroked my car with love = 3 (I can feel the shame now)
37 – Number of times I have opened the hood just to learn about cars = 6.
38 – Of (37) number of times I had grease on my hands = 1.
39 – Of (38) number of times I felt gross = 1.
40 – Of (38) number of times I felt horny = 1.
41 – Loss of Car Cigarette Smoking Virginity = Yes.
42 – Loss of Car Joint Smoking Virginity = Yes.
43 – Loss of Car Alcohol Consumption Virginity = No.
44 – Loss of Car Making Out Virginity = No.
45 – Loss of Car Sex Virginity = No.
46 – Loss of Car Another Couple Having Sex Virginity = No. But I have actually during writing this comment realized that I think it will be amazingly hot for me to do this, so, all applications are welcome, you have to come with a partner, and I will be allowed to peek.

One issue that I have with the car is the frikking Japanese FM settings. I need to find out how to tackle that and take care of the thing because at times one does want to listen to other radio channels.

After having an Automatic car for about a month, I feel that the rest of life of driving cars was an absolute waste and I should be spanked till thoroughly pinkish-red as a punishment for this (applications welcome).

And finally, the car has so much fucking space. I have amazing leg space. If someone sits behind my seat, even they have amazing leg space. Amazing amont of space in the car. Unbelievable.

Politics

Sunday – 14 Ziqaad 1428 – 04 Agrahayana 1929 – 25 November 2007

Well, so Nawaz Sharif is back in Pakistan.

So basically, we are going to again have the overly hyper politicized monkey circus of the 90s in its full glory. Add to that an absolutely out of control media that does not think for ten minutes before bringing just about anyone to the stand and ridiculing them in ways not imaginable. And add to that a judiciary that is completely insane and will hopefully be allowed to become even more crazy with the reinstatement of the judges removed. So many centres of power. So many different people, institutions and groups jostling for power. So much politics and so many daily dramas. Too many entites jostling for the throne to render it impossible to land within the hands of any one of them. Let there finally be a diffusion of powers in Pakistan. Let noone take the throne without knowing that the hands holding it can easily shake it. Let there be no more dynasties. Let the games begin. And let there be light.

In the current circumstances I have grown to understand that I will vote for Mustafa Kamal in the local elections and for Benazir Bhutto in Provincial and National polls. I remember how Nawaz Sharif behaved while he was the PM. He stopped the presses of The News and Jang. His goons attacked the Supreme Court. These are charges that are levied on him alone, rest of all the millions of charges can be levied on both him and Benazir Bhutto. So, all in all Benazir comes out as a better option for the country. Despite that, I think the return of Nawaz Sharif was a very good step towards development of a proper political system for our country. We need mass parties to energize the people and let them learn how to control their destiny.

I have decided that I will vote. If only for the least worst choice. It is a responsibility. No matter how oppressive any lack of proper choice may be, but everyone should give an opinion of who they think is most well served to run this country. We owe it that much. Of course this means that I will have to wake up early on a holiday.

Lego

Sunday – 24 Ramazan 1428 – 15 Asvina 1929 – 07 October 2007

Ok, ok, ok. I know I am 27 and moving swiftly towards oblivion and should start cutting down on starch in my diet. But, I am still a young man, and I have needs.

My aunt got me a 2,000 piece special Lego set today. I love it. I have named it Ahmed. Though the motor thing has its own name. Saeed. So, at the risk of making this sound perverted, I was playing with Ahmed and Saeed for a period of six hours without a break today.

And, fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck, I swallowed one of the smaller pieces. Why the fuck do they put ages on the boxes when people older than that age can do things like this. I hate lego.

So, when my twelve year old cousin and myself were pulling on the lego box from two different corners he actually did manage to wrestle it from me.

This has got to be a very embarrasing moment for me. I seem to be saying that at an alarmingly faster pace nowadays. I think ill just go and have some more Pulao. It is such a consolation.

Weekend

Sunday – 10 Ramazan 1428 – 01 Asvina 1929 – 23 September 2007

Ahhhhhhhh. I love weekends. I just love them. I can finally keep awake for as long as I want. I can get out of bed when I want to, no sooner no later. Love it. The mere concept of waking up and not rushing to work, rather, going back to sleep is utterly amazing.

And I went to Sunday Bazaar today. Now, I do agree that Sunday bazaar has gone down the drain quite a bit. I mean, at least one hundred times worst that I remember. But, it is still fun to see things. Oh, and yes, the guys out there are totally delectable, to say the least. I just cant stop staring and it becomes slightly awkward. My mom or today, my cousin asking me something I was just checking out this guy and I was just hmmm hmmm hann hann, and she realized what was going on and she turned around. Thankfully, there was a hot girl standing over there and she just smiled and told me that she will tell my fiance that I was checking out a girl in an orange dress. Good God! Dude! How little you know. Need to be more careful in public. Aaaaa aaaaa aaaaa aaaaa aaaaa.

God I love Sundays.

Laptop

Monday – 04 Ramazan 1428 – 26 Bhadra 1929 – 17 September 2007

It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good desktop computer must be in want of a laptop. I for one, seem to be going through this very period in my life. There is confusion, there is chaos and there is low self esteem (for no other reason except it being my regular reaction to things).

Being an ardent fan of computers and computing I have always gone for big machines. Large in size, good to look at and powerful as fuck. There was a point in time when I actually used to tell friends what to buy because it will be good to them. I have actually sold things to get money to buy bigger, more powerful computers every year and a half. I admit it. I am a computer lover. There, I said it. I don’t care what society says. But this is what I am.

And now, enter the laptop. Small, compact, convenient, sober, helpful, versatile and comfortable. Laptops are like the perfect partners in the rough sea of life. They are there when you want them. And they are not there when you dont want them. And you don’t have to call them every day. And you don’t have to tell them that you love them. They are just so perfect, no strings, just companionship.

So, the question arises, should I, so used to the powerful freaks that satiate my computing needs, instead opt for a more comfortable if less powerful companion? Should I give out double for a thing half as useful? Should I take the great leap from a fucking moron computer dope to an ass hole snobbish laptop freak? What are the option. I am getting older, my options are becoming less numerous, social pressures are mounting. What will Jalal do? I ask myself as other ask themselves while judgeing me. This is not nearly as kinky a perverted bitch that I can become. I can do more. But, in the meantime. I will buy a laptop. And I will get a good broadband connection to go with it. The days of downloading loads of stuff from the internet are coming back.

Car

Thursday – 06 Rajab 1424 – 13 Bhadra 1925 – 04 September 2003 

hmmmm. well lets say that life is fine. things are going ok. slow and steady. my cousin persists on smoking like a train. and i persist on trying to stop him. we both stay on our own tracks.

and after that i drove my car from my cousins house to my own. my first car ride. yey. well it was much better than i thought. i didnt kill anyone or destroy my car. well i didnt hit it at all with anything. hmmmm.

well i love to drive. from now on. i will always love it. it is wonderful. but it was nice. more details later.

Joke

Wednesday – 21 Jamadi us Sani 1424 – 29 Sravana 1925 – 20 August 2003    

there are times when you want to say something. but it comes out as something else. sometimes leading to hysterical laughter by all present. i live on the internet a lot. sometimes this happens on the internet as well. when you type something incorrectly.

today was the biggest of such mistakes. i actually fell down from my chair laughing.

the was chatting with a fellow gay guy on mirc. when all of a sudden.

[23:55:14] sorry HUGE lad … will talk to you later when it is under control …

[23:55:20] sorry HUGE lag … will talk to you later when it is under control …

[23:55:21] :)

[23:55:35] i am sure the one on top had a completely different meanign ;)

[23:55:40] ahhahahahahhaha

[23:55:45] actually come to think of it …

[23:55:48] haahahahhahaahahha

[23:55:51] ROFLMAO …

[23:55:57] sorry HUGE lad … will talk to you later when it is under control …

[23:57:00] oh my god …

[23:57:48] that is the best slip that i have had on mirc …

the other guy was VERY amused. i later blamed it on the witching hour ;) midnight.