Archive for Life

Frozen Shoulder

Day 10,483 – Sunday – 07 Asadha 1930 – 04 Rajab ul Murajjab 1430 – 28 June 2009

I guess all of you guys will have to get used to the fact that I will, from now on, be blogging very irregularly, as in once a quarter or something. Work and other things in life have just become very extreme and do not allow enough time for blogging. I have no idea why, but that is how it is.

So, for now, I am going to have the following goals in life, I want to learn how to speak French and Farsi and I want to learn Horseriding, Swordfighting, Archery and Shooting and I want to be able to write regularly and I want to have a top of the line caravan that I can spend the rest of my life travelling in.

And, I want to have emotion free sex with millions of strangers in exotic cities, locations and places.

But, one does not get everything one wants, and one must learn to live as they are.

In other news, one of the reasons for not blogging for the past three months would be the fear elicited by the fact that my blog has been quoted in both an Indian newspaper / online news source, and now and American one. The closet door is being banged at very hard. For all the actions where I have come out of the closet to my family and friends does not mean that I am ready to do it officially. Not in Pakistan. I can not. Sorry. So, since this blog has started coming into international media showcasing Pakistani homosexuals, I would have to request you people to at least not try to knock on the closet door.

From this I would wonder why we even use the term closet door? Why?

And I will leave you to that.

Oh and yes, the guy who plays Kirk in the new Star Trek, Chris Pine. Fucking yummy.

Mille

Day 10,384 – Friday – 30 Phalgun 1930 – 22 Rabi ul Awwal 1430 – 21 March 2009

Ok. Ok. Ok.

So, this is the 1,000 th post. I wanted it to be special. Then I got extremely bogged down in work. I realize I am becoming boring now. With age and all. And then I didnt get time to write something nice. Lots of things happened. I wanted to write more. But didnt get even the lesser amount of time. It got bad. Things piled on. Time got shorter. I didnt get time to write. The responsibility got huge. And I couldnt do it. It got more difficult with each passing day.

A very vicious cycle indeed.

So here I break it.

Depression is over. For about three months. Thank God.

Work is amazing and extremely demanding of time and life.

Friends are going insane one after the other.

I am becoming boring and irritable.

Things are great.

I went to a Jyotishi and a Tarot Card reader. They both told me it is a very bad time for me. Should get better soon.

Otherwise things are ok with life.

Havent even had time to date anyone or indulge in internet excapades. That busy. Trust me!

So, here goes, my 1,000th post. So hastily ill written it is not even funny.

Ugh. This is disgusting.

Depression

Day 10,293 – Saturday – 29 Agrahayana 1930 – 21 Zilhaj 1429 – 20 December 2008

Ok. So this is definitely not good. But I am in my depression phase again. I guess this has become so common for me that I can talk about it with a reasonable amount of detachment. With all the anger and hatred targeted at my parents, even though I came out to them, and told them that I am this way, they keep pestering me about getting married and they did not let me move out of the house, even though I could have. I dont think I can forgive them, or I will, or I may, I just know that I have anger and hatred against them. And then there is the inevitable feeling of having lost five years of my life fighting with my parents on this one topic. It is a very long period of life, and I felt I was caged, and I want my time back, but alas, it is the greatest of wishes that can not be fulfilled. And I am angry at myself for not having the courage to tell my parents that even if it will hurt them, and they will disown me, and despite everything, I want to live alone.

See, the thing is that I wanted everything. I wanted to be happy. I just thought that being parents they will allow me to make the choices that will direct my life. They did allow it, but on the other hand  my mother cried every time I mentioned it. Fuck this. I will just keep rambling on and on about these issues in my life. I am going to go put on the TV.

All I can hope for is that during this bout of depression, I dont end up with the cut marks on the wrists like the last time. I hope I am able to reason with myself.

Cellphone

Day 10,279 – Saturday – 15 Agrahayana 1930 – 07 Zilhaj 1429 – 06 December 2008

A cell phone, like a laptop, is an extension of a person. Much like daggers and horses and shields used to be in an earlier age. And since these gadgets are an extension of one’s personality they are loved and cherished.

On the record, I love my Mac. My mac is closer to me than sex with Val Kilmer. Six times. After that I will loose interest in him and return to the laptop anyways, so there is no need going there.

I just love to see the bright glowing apple logo on my mac at night. It is magical.

But, now, I have started to hate my cellphone. Fuck you Motorola. I am a loyal fucking customer and your phones are fucking crap. My battery dies down very soon. I dont have my fucking phone working for about 25% each day. Fuck you motorola fuck you.

I slept with my mac last night. And it felt good. I preferred the whirring of my laptop next to my pillow rather than the feel of your cold steely sexy body with my hand under the pillow. I hate you!!! I cheated on you and it felt good.

Die bitch!

Blogging

Day 10,278 – Friday – 14 Agrahayana 1930 – 06 Zilhaj 1429 – 05 December 2008

I seem to be becoming fucking senile at an incredibly fast pace. I think about at least ten good blogging items a day. Things I want to write about. But then I just fucking forget when I sit here in front of my fucking screen. I think I have used the word “fucking” too many times too soon.

Goddamnit!

So, there is a guy who I am messaging on Manjam and Facebook. He is currently using a Mint KY Jelly.

I want some.

Now.

And, SC, you know who you are, and I know that you are reading it. So, there goes. Go wild basking in the glow of your
fame.

TV

Day 10,276 – Wednesday – 12 Agrahayana 1930 – 04 Zilhaj 1429 – 03 December 2008

God I love to watch TV shows. During every show, even the ones that I do not like, I get transported into the show. Same goes for movies. And once that happens, I become some sort of another invisible character on the show. And then I get involved with the show.

And then, I get crushes on all the men in the show, and then I feel sorry for not being able to sleep with them, so I start hating all the women. Then the women get dumped and they go completely destroyed so I start pitying them.

And I love the shows.

God! I need love in my life.

DBX

Day 0 – Home, Karachi Airport, Dubai Airport, Oh so many beautiful Dubai men, Immigration, Drive home

Day 1 – Spinneys for a phone card, Bur Juman to kill time and check out the city, Burger King for a triple whopper that I could not control at all, CK, Gap, Giordano, Ibn Batuta for a very tired cart ride, Barasti for drinks and chilling, Bar Zar, Madinah Jumeira

Day 2 – Wild Wadi for water rides, Beautiful scantily clad men and women in a water park a la Dubai, Chilis because SD could have eaten two horses, Peanut Butter Jam for live music and that woman with the shrill voice, Casbar for dancing and watching extremely sexy guys

Day 3 – Ikea to get stuff but got late, Fudruckers for an amazing burger with excessive cheese, Festival City for a trip to see the mall, Waterfront Mall, Atlantis to check out the new hotel, Lost chambers to check out a million types of marine life, 360degrees for drinks and chillin, Burger King for the last time

Day 4 – Jumeira beach for checking out the guys and HS for checking out the chick (if HS’s wife is reading this, he was not checking out the chicks but missing you and he didnt even open his eyes), Dubai Marina beach to enjoy the beach, Bur Juman for frantic last minute shopping, Dubai Airport duty free incredibly cute guy flirting voraciously, Karachi Airport, Home.

Mania

Day 10,213 – Sunday – 09 Bhadra 1930 – 28 Shaban 1429 – 31 August 2008

Sundays. The one day in the week when after the excessive socializing, sleep deprivation and Saturdays one is given some peace and quiet. People who are not schizophrenic paranoid psychotics anyways. But, who am I to judge my own kind. For people in general, I have decided not to differentiate amongst the different kinds of people and be politically correct, Sundays are a great day. So are they for me.

Of course this includes eight hours of excessive Dilbert, obsessive compulsive overeating and a socially unacceptable quantity of sleep. If I dont control my mouth I will turn into a non baby Rhinoceros. Dont wish me luck, and please, please, please, please, dont hold your breath either.

Faraz

Day 10,207 – Monday – 03 Bhadra 1930 – 22 Shaban 1429 – 25 August 2008

Today, a great light has been lost forever. Ahmed Faraz. A great poet of Urdu. A great man.

Urdu, our society, our culture, our civilization and our people have lost a great presence. The loss can not be described in words.

The ever resounding noise in the background, Keht ur Rijaal, intensifies.

apnay maghmoom kivaron ko muqaffal kar lo

ab yahan koi naheen, koi naheen, aaye ga

But most of all, it was our love for him that will be lost, the love based on his contribution,

aur faraz chahiyen kitnee muhabbatain tujhe

maaon nay teray naam par bachon kay naam rakh diyay

We have lost a great man today, it is very unfortunate that in our day and age no others take the place of the ones lost.

We hope, we hope to see another Faraz, another Faiz, another great poet. We hope.

Change

Day 10,205 – Saturday – 01 Bhadra 1930 – 19 Shaban 1429 – 23 August 2008

Fucking internet connection fuck up. This is the seventh post in the past month that has gotten fucked up because of my fucking internet. Long pause with a reasonable amount of stress release and anger at my internet connection. Back to normal. Again. I love the sudden explosions of anger at minute things that I just can not control. The sudden and complete abandon to my feelings is very liberating.

And as I sit here musing about my personal life, my country hurtles headlong into a tunnel with no conception of where it may lead. The 14th of August came and went, and there seems to be nothing outwardly exciting to celebrate. Musharraf resigned; albeit I support the concept of democracy but a strong President would have been a good influence; and we must remember that his legacy is not solely negative. The PPP has nominated Zardari for President, need anyone say any more. The NRO has absolved our politicians of all sins, disgusting. The PMLN is bent upon making governance absolutely impossible. The MQM has nominated Zardari as the Presidential candidate, always a politically astute party with a lot of integrity. The PMLQ has nominated it’s own Presidential candidate. The restoration of the Judiciary is a complete bone of contention that might rip the coalition apart. Violent suicide bombings by the Taliban in Pakistani cities have had a massive toll on citizen’s lives and their conceptions of safety. All I can say is that, more our of hope than experience, I still believe that somehow this will get resolved and good things will happen. Let the dust settle.