Archive for Sloth

TV

Day 10,276 – Wednesday – 12 Agrahayana 1930 – 04 Zilhaj 1429 – 03 December 2008

God I love to watch TV shows. During every show, even the ones that I do not like, I get transported into the show. Same goes for movies. And once that happens, I become some sort of another invisible character on the show. And then I get involved with the show.

And then, I get crushes on all the men in the show, and then I feel sorry for not being able to sleep with them, so I start hating all the women. Then the women get dumped and they go completely destroyed so I start pitying them.

And I love the shows.

God! I need love in my life.

DBX

Day 0 – Home, Karachi Airport, Dubai Airport, Oh so many beautiful Dubai men, Immigration, Drive home

Day 1 – Spinneys for a phone card, Bur Juman to kill time and check out the city, Burger King for a triple whopper that I could not control at all, CK, Gap, Giordano, Ibn Batuta for a very tired cart ride, Barasti for drinks and chilling, Bar Zar, Madinah Jumeira

Day 2 – Wild Wadi for water rides, Beautiful scantily clad men and women in a water park a la Dubai, Chilis because SD could have eaten two horses, Peanut Butter Jam for live music and that woman with the shrill voice, Casbar for dancing and watching extremely sexy guys

Day 3 – Ikea to get stuff but got late, Fudruckers for an amazing burger with excessive cheese, Festival City for a trip to see the mall, Waterfront Mall, Atlantis to check out the new hotel, Lost chambers to check out a million types of marine life, 360degrees for drinks and chillin, Burger King for the last time

Day 4 – Jumeira beach for checking out the guys and HS for checking out the chick (if HS’s wife is reading this, he was not checking out the chicks but missing you and he didnt even open his eyes), Dubai Marina beach to enjoy the beach, Bur Juman for frantic last minute shopping, Dubai Airport duty free incredibly cute guy flirting voraciously, Karachi Airport, Home.

Feeding

Day 10,125 – Wednesday – 14 Jyaistah 1930 – 29 Jamadi ul Awwal 1429 – 04 June 2008

Saturday night, a large group of losers, me and my friend HS and his wife decide to go for food on the highway. Mind you, Saturday night. The rest of the world is getting drunk and then having meaningless lovemaking on banana leafs and persian carpets. And we are going for food to the other end of my known universe. After travelling through disgusting traffic, we reached the desired location. Fed on inordinate amounts of fatty, fried, meaty delights. And, to our most utter surprise, on our return journey, decided to take the Liari Expressway, and were home in less than half an hour.

I would have to say that after eating for three people, returning home at midnight, sleepy as mary-fucking-hellish-poppins it was an absolutely amazing surprise to cut half an hour of traffic from our drive. I would rate it at 0.789302 orgasms.

Oh, and despite the exercise (I ran 2.7 Kms today) I dont see any drastic changes. The patrician signage of the extended stomach is there. My butt is still large and squashy. And of course, I realized today, that I have man boobs. I mean fucking shit. If I wore an A sized bra; it would actually do me good. So I guess I will shift to absolutely nothing other than fruit for lunch.

Damnit! I want something to email and tell me he loves me, and meet up with me and make ever sweet love to me whilst respecting me as a person and loving me back. WELL!!! And in case you are reading this (stupidest fucking brainless logically devoid question to ask) and you are not that guy, please set me up with a friend of yours.

Thank you, and good bye. From yours trule, psychotics united.

Action

Day 10,070 – Thursday – 21 Chaitra 1930 – 03 Rabi us Sani 1429 – 10 April 2008

Today can easily be described as a comedy of small and large errors of a non sinister fashion with a dash of incidents that have no effect whatsoever on the comedy of errors.

I got a raise at work. Something like 30%. Which means that not nearly good enough for me to be happy about it. And to think that I still behave like a loyal employee to this organization.

I went for an interview at another organization. I was called up by their HR two weeks ago. The interview went very well. They liked me and called me for another interview with the regional chief in Dubai. That went very well as well. Then four days ago, I get a call from someone in the HR department offering me a job that I had already said in the first interview that I will not be interested in. My belief in the lack of general rudimentary intelligence floundered on the shores of stupidity and idioticness. And they offer me a lower salary than I wanted. Well and good. I said no right there on the phone. Then the next day, I get a call from the HR head, he is offering me the same position and increasing the salary by a small amount. Wow. Wrong again. I do not want a dead end processing job where I can not add any value whatsoever to the organization and in doing so loose my credibility as a capable professional. So I said no. Then, today, they called me over for another meeting. I was expecting they would offer me another position. But, guess what, no no, guess what, no no, guess what, I am not telling you this, you need to guess this, because this is indeed so interesting. Well, they offered me the same position again. And told me that I dont have to reply immediately and that I have to give a reply tomorrow. So, basically, I am going to say no to them. If anything, this episode has further strengthened my resolve to hate stupid and evil people.

And then, me and my friend at work, who are both on a special diet of her design, had lunch together. I was trying to break the tikka piece, and it broke, but I got sprayed with the masala. And since nothing could be done. I had to spend the rest of my day with a huge spray of Tikka Masala on my shirt. Argh! If I werent known as wierd at my place of work, I would definitely not have been able to get away with this.

And of course, I met Doctor Sahab again. He came with a friend of his. Nice guy. Interesting evening. And, for general information, the Shawarma at Damascus is not all that good. And, again, for the same purpose of general information, the Chocolate Silk Pie at Arizone Grill is quite good. Worth the money, to say the least.

Sedation

Day 10,063 – Thursday – 14 Chaitra 1930 – 25 Rabi ul Awwal 1429 – 03 April 2008

I like drinking. I like being drunk. And I absolutely adore drunk Jalal.

And to think I was indeed drunk Jalal yesternight is indeed a very beautiful memory.

And, to add to all this, I started exercise today. I took the first step towards moving out. I have gone completely sexually insane due to the heat and humidity.

And I am still as confused and psychotic as I ever was.

Life is finally settled down. Good.

Sleep

Day 10,058 – Saturday – 09 Chaitra 1930 – 20 Rabi ul Awwal 1429 – 29 March 2008

Oh God! It has been ages since I blogged because of the fucked up internet not connecting because of the fucked up power breakdowns.

And I am have been so seriously fucking busy at work that even though I wanted to I could nto write a word.

And in addition to all this, I am so fucking sleepy right now that I can not blog more.

Weekend

Sunday – 10 Ramazan 1428 – 01 Asvina 1929 – 23 September 2007

Ahhhhhhhh. I love weekends. I just love them. I can finally keep awake for as long as I want. I can get out of bed when I want to, no sooner no later. Love it. The mere concept of waking up and not rushing to work, rather, going back to sleep is utterly amazing.

And I went to Sunday Bazaar today. Now, I do agree that Sunday bazaar has gone down the drain quite a bit. I mean, at least one hundred times worst that I remember. But, it is still fun to see things. Oh, and yes, the guys out there are totally delectable, to say the least. I just cant stop staring and it becomes slightly awkward. My mom or today, my cousin asking me something I was just checking out this guy and I was just hmmm hmmm hann hann, and she realized what was going on and she turned around. Thankfully, there was a hot girl standing over there and she just smiled and told me that she will tell my fiance that I was checking out a girl in an orange dress. Good God! Dude! How little you know. Need to be more careful in public. Aaaaa aaaaa aaaaa aaaaa aaaaa.

God I love Sundays.

Roomscape

Wednesday – 12 Rajab 1424 – 19 Bhadra 1925 – 10 September 2003  

well here i am sitting in my room. slightly warm here but bearable. fan on full. wonderful breeze through the window. i love karachi. it is very very windy. that is why i have a continuous wind blowing through my window. and it is always cool and fresh.

sorry to mlc. but i looked on amazon for ghazal cds. and to be honest i didnt find any that someone should use to get introduced to ghazal. most of them are either westernized popish versions of ghazal or ones that i dont think an american would like due their being quite alien. well i will keep on the lookout for something that you might like to have. or i can mail you a cd or something that i will compose myself to show you what i talk about.

Fareeda Khanum

Tuesday – 11 Rajab 1424 – 18 Bhadra 1925 – 09 September 2003  

well here i am. i must tell everyone this. anyone interested in listening to ghazals. please listen to “chaand nikle kisi janib teri zebai ka” sung by fareeda khanum. it is wonderful to the extent of being orgasmically esctatic. it is wonderful.

well today wasnt as interesting as yerterday. but i have noticed one thing. when my computer is working. the electricity is on. and the internet is on. i blog a LOT. i mean i dont notice this but you people who actually have to read all this crap must realize it. LARGE posts full of crap. well what can i do. you are all stuck now.

AHAHHAHAHAHH !!!! AAHAHHAAHAHAHHAH !!!! MMMMUUUUUUAHAHAHAHAHHAHA !!!!

and now that my usual hysterics and dramatics are out of the way.

i would like to share a shaer (couplet) with you.

chaand nikle kisi janib teri zebai ka

rang badle kisi soorat shab e tanhai ka

may the moon rise anywhere of your allure

may the colour of this lonely evening change

another shaer (couplet)

daim para hua teray dar par naheen hoon main

khaak aisi zindagi par keh patthar naheen hoon main

i am not lying on your doorstep for ever

what use is this life if i am not that stone

now i will enter the world of the ghazal and leave you all to enjoy what you enjoy.

Cockroach

Monday – 10 Rajab 1424 – 17 Bhadra 1925 – 08 September 2003 

well here i am back in my room. thinking and writing as i think. what is the purpose of a government. what is the reason for life to be this way. why did napolean fail from his objectives. what the hell is climbing up my back. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA. AAAAAAAAAAAAAA. OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA. yes it was a cockroach. and in trying to shake it off i shook it into my shirt. now i NEVER tuck my shirt into my pants. but today about after 4 months i had done that.

so think about the following in a picture.

a man starts screaming. within 5 seconds he is in the living room. running and screaming and trying to hit his back. he does this for 5 seconds. then he starts to frantically pull his shirt out of his pants. still screaming. and then everyone in the house makes a largish circle around him asking. “kya hua ? kya hua?” and then he still screaming takes his shirt off. all in a hurry. and he sees a cockroach run off.

now most normal people would look around sheepishly and put on the shirt. BUT NO!!!!!!!!! jalal had to act like an idiot. so instead of acting like a modest human and wearing clothes he runs after the cockroach. as the tiny creature runs on the gleaming floor jalal jumps on it. he doesnt stamp it. he JUMPS on it.

if you are wondering. now come the WORST part !!! the cockroach died and in such a way. maybe i landed on him too hard. that he obviously burst open.

there was a large cluster of black blobs on an area equal to a large portion of wall in my house. the dead remains of an intruder into my private parts.

also if you are thinking of asking me out ever in the future. i do not do this to ‘human’ intruders into my private parts. actually they get treatment infinitely better. and now i think i should leave and resume cleaning the wall. YEUCKH ! and let the record show my mom made me do it. i did not want to do that.