Archive for Uncategorized

Monogamy

Day 10,246 – Friday – 12 Asvina 1930 – 03 Shawwal 1429 – 03 October 2008

1 – I feel that there is something wrong with me and I dont feel the want or desire or the excitement of blogging any more; at all.

2 – I hate the concept of monogamy. Hate it!

Endorphins

Day 10,080 – Sunday – 31 Chaitra 1930 – 13 Rabi us Sani 1429 – 20 April 2008

I hate my fucking Internet Wallah Guy. Not so much because my internet connection fucking sucks and I havent had a proper internet connection for the past two weeks. But because he is not cute at all and still insists on wearing tight t shirts and ugly shorts. And, although I am definitely not averse to male displays of skin, I would rather not see this guys skin. Unless I am horny. Which, nowadays, I am not.

So, things at work are finally working out well. Quite well. And no trouble on that front. Except for the fact that I have been told that I need to talking as loudly as I do because it disturbs other people. Sure, it is ok for everyone else in the building to scream their lungs out, but I think it is wrong if I do so. And when I say scream, I mean scream! People scream, and so do I. I am not loud goddamnit!!! So shut up!

And on an important note, I have changed three hair styles in the past two weeks. Three. And I dont think I am done. There were days, when I used to have a completely different hairstyle for work and a completely different one for the evening. Does this mean that my hair are wonderful and help me become a better person? Or does this mean that I need to hire a panel of psychologists and psychiatrists who need to study me and then suggest cures? I dont know. It is up to you readers to decide. And, to be honest, all this sudden explosion of typing. Endorphins. From the exercise. I love seratonin and endorphins. Sound like Ancient Turkish Gods. And if they are; I would like to sleep with both of them. Please!

As per earlier promises of sharing of information. My diet and exercise have had an effect. I have lost some weight, and most importantly, I think I am starting to loose inches as well. Which makes my climb the ladder of the sex arena. A very very helpful thought indeed!

And yes, things with Dr Sahib are going quite well.

All Nighter

Sunday – 20 Rajab 1428 – 14 Sravana 1929 – 05 August 2007 

So, I have just come out of an action packed, meat eating, coffee drinking, girl watching, mad driving, cheap song video watching, tea gulping wild and absolutely insane all nighter.

After not finding a place in Ciao for an inordinately long period of time, going to Costa and wanting to kill ourselves we decided to rent a DVD titled ‘Bollywood Masala* Mix’.  Why a group of seven guys would want to rent what can only be termed soft porn and watch it all night long is beyond me. My idea was to watch a movie. Any who, it was an interesting night. And as per the declarations of one of my friends, I do not like Bipasha Basu. I think she is a skank biyatch.

Masala = Spice. And the usage of the word here means it is a cheap fucking collection.

PS – And, in case I did not mention this. One floor of my office has a gleaming new tiled floor. Made only to ensure that people slip on it and die so junior staff can be promoted faster and the level of job satisfaction of all employees goes up and we love our company. And I, being a moron, went there with my exceptionally slippery shoes. I promise, as God in heaven is my witness, I was walking like a chicken to ensure I did not slip. And there are fifty people working on that floor. I hope noone saw me walk for fifteen minutes.

Aaaaa rrrrrr ggggg hhhhhh! Why must I be different and not conform to society!

Shame

Saturday – 19 Rahab 1428 – 13 Sravana 1929 – 04 August 2007

So! I move a new department. And on Friday, that is yesterday, I end up strutting about the department with my fly open all day long. And it was pointed out to me by someone. And, God, oh God! This is so seriously embarrasing! Thankfully I use a psudonym on this blog and can actually spew out things of this sort for the general human being to enjoy.

Changes

Tuesday – 15 Rajab 1428 – 09 Sravana 1929 – 31 July 2007

Tomorrow is a big day in my life. I am getting promoted, kudos to looking busy and doing nothing, and I will be moving to a new department, kudos to back biting, and I will be doing less work, kudos to being an evil manipulative bitch. I am very happy right now.

Someone searched for “pakistani khushboo fucked” and landed on my blog. Speaks volumes about what I have been posting on this blog. I will plead Male Amnesty against porn and other related topics being discussed in public. And in addition, I am quite happy to see a varied group of people frequenting my weblog. The usual normal human beings were getting too overwhelming to control without the freaks and perverts. This really mirrors the growth of my intellect and writing skills.

Normalcy

Sunday – 13 Rajab 1428 – 07 Sravana 1929 – 29 July 2007

So, it turns out that when I get quite drunk on Friday nights and I come home late at about 4 ish and I call my sisters on their cell phones to wake them up to open the door and they do not answer or open the door for more than ten minutes then I will have to start using the very large flower pot with the strange ugly palm tree situated at the end of the parking area as a urinal even though it might be disgusting or perverted or not upto the general standards of public hygiene prevalent in our society it was an excessively relieving experience unsurpassed by any in the recent past. And, good God that was a long sentence.

What is wrong with me?

And, when you are sitting on the net at about 0321 hours; which in itself is a scary and worrying thought, but moving on; and you have to go through the following conversation with an old friend who you haven’t been in contact with lately (OFWYHBICWL),
OFWYHBICWL – Hey man! Do you make tea?
Me – Yes I do. Is this really about the tea of are you falling in love with me? (by the way, he is straight, but I act like this with most people from my college, so moving on)
OFWYHBICWL – How many teaspoons for one cup of tea?
Me – One full heaped Table Spoon.
OFWYHBICWL – For one cup? No way. That’s too much.
Me – Yes, yes. By the way, is this Chai or English Tea?
OFWYHBICWL – Chai.
Me – Yes. Then its ok.
OFWYHBICWL – Thanks.
Me – Don’t mention it.
10 minutes later
Me – Fuck! No! Wait! I meant teaspoon.
OFWYHBICWL – Ah, that’s much better.
Me – Yes, but please use a heaped tea spoon.
OFWYHBICWL – Thanks.
Me – Don’t mention it.
My Internal monologue – Please love me.
Note – OFWYHBICWL if you are reading this, don’t fucking say anything!

What the fuck is wrong with me?

And then to top all this off I get a call for a wrong number of my cell phone. Somehow we ended up talking to each other. Actually I know how, but I can’t tell you guys. And, we ended up talking to each other for four hours. I know about all the problems she is having with her boyfriend and I seem to have given her some advice about how men operate. In turn she knows that I am gay, that is the only way I could get out of having to sleep with her. And she knows about what is going on in my life. And she agrees that it is indeed difficult for gay people in Pakistan to fully express their inner feelings and desires. I think we are friends now because we have started to exchange sms. So, I seek out seriously disturbed people and then unload all of my psychosis on them. Wow.

I mean, fuck, fuck, duck, you are crazier than a baboon jumping on a purple ball in the main hall of the Moulin Rouge.

Notice the second person in the previous sentence. The multiple personality disorder seems to be jumping right out of the page.

I feel like I need to overdose on tea, hyperventilate, and laugh like a fucking hyena for the rest of the day to calm myself down.

Oo behave!

Please excuse me while I go menstruate

Connections

Saturday – 12 Rajab 1428 – 06 Sravana 1929 – 28 July 2007

Just had an interesting week full of excitement, madness and abject horror. An average week in the life of a 20 something Karachiite working with evil managers, living with insane compatriots and moving through cohorts of people to meet and mingle with. Despite the usual sexual deprivation and the feeling of a general conspiracy and ever impending doom life seems to move on slowly and gradually towards some result that I have no idea about. Scary you say? I agree.

I have started working with a new colleague recently imported from Lahore. And he has to work with me. Evil gleeful grins. As most of you know I am quite insane and I make no efforts at hiding it. So, within one week I open up to him and discuss things which he tells me I am not supposed to talk about near girls, or I will never find anyone to share my life with. Yeah, right, as if that was possible to start off with anyways. Oh and yes, just to prove that I am not the only insane person, rather, it is the cache of my work place, he likes to call himself Cherry Poppins. Supercalifragifuckinglisticexpialifuckingdocious et al. I really do not think that I am having a bad effect on him. Oh well!

Oh, and in other news, I have started to become better friends with strange-depressive-yet-good-looking-lady-going-out-with-my-friend-and-is-also-a-friend-through-so-many-common-friends. People would abbreviate this to SDYGLLGOWMFAIAAFTSMCF, but they would be wrong. Of course. I would prefer to use SR. Thankfully. But, I told SR that I think she uses too much makeup and tries to make up for the fact that since she is so pre occupied with things that she just doesn’t interact with people. Of course she glared at me. And then she slapped me as soon as we got out of the coffee shop. And that led to a one hour screaming argument in her car. We are very good friends now.

And yes, the abject horror in my life is due to my arranged marriage plans and our trip to Islamabadto meet the girl’s family two weeks from now. I think I am freaking out so much that most of the nerves in my brain have popped. Indeed. Quite interesting. Loss of gray matter aside, I really don’t have any gay friends to discuss this with. Difficult and horrifying indeed.

Oh, and yes, before I leave. I just absolutely adore and love mangoes.