Archive for Wrath
Day 10,297 – Wednesday – 04 Pausa 1930 – 25 Zilhaj 1429 – 24 December 2008
So, the depression is wearing off. Hours and hours of self therapy and telling myself that I need to calm the fuck down have helped. Of course a lot of gay porn was also good thing for me during this trying time.
On an unrelated note, I went to a wedding yesterday. And the food there was absofuckinglutely amazing. And the adding of the adjective fucking in the previous sentence was required because otherwise the meaning to be conveyed would have been lost.
Day 10,293 – Saturday – 29 Agrahayana 1930 – 21 Zilhaj 1429 – 20 December 2008
Ok. So this is definitely not good. But I am in my depression phase again. I guess this has become so common for me that I can talk about it with a reasonable amount of detachment. With all the anger and hatred targeted at my parents, even though I came out to them, and told them that I am this way, they keep pestering me about getting married and they did not let me move out of the house, even though I could have. I dont think I can forgive them, or I will, or I may, I just know that I have anger and hatred against them. And then there is the inevitable feeling of having lost five years of my life fighting with my parents on this one topic. It is a very long period of life, and I felt I was caged, and I want my time back, but alas, it is the greatest of wishes that can not be fulfilled. And I am angry at myself for not having the courage to tell my parents that even if it will hurt them, and they will disown me, and despite everything, I want to live alone.
See, the thing is that I wanted everything. I wanted to be happy. I just thought that being parents they will allow me to make the choices that will direct my life. They did allow it, but on the other hand my mother cried every time I mentioned it. Fuck this. I will just keep rambling on and on about these issues in my life. I am going to go put on the TV.
All I can hope for is that during this bout of depression, I dont end up with the cut marks on the wrists like the last time. I hope I am able to reason with myself.
Day 10,290 – Wednesday – 26 Agrahayana 1930 – 18 Zilhaj 1429 – 17 December 2008
So, the other day, I met up with a gay friend of mine. Nice guy. Very very good looking. Single. And looking. So, if you are interested, drop me a line. He has all of my good qualities, and to top that off he is fair, beautiful, well built and charming. So, a very good catch. Applications are welcome Monday through Friday from 1900 hours to 0900 hours and even during the day timings on the weekend.
So, two young gay guys, both single and looking, in the same car. The discussion on homosexuality was inevitable. We discussed all the different sorts of guys one meets. How society has shaped them. And how they behave.
There is the i-am-pure-top guy who is an absolute dick, extremely desirable, but completely deflated after an initial burst of producing interest in oneself. And yes, if you are not going to give a blow job, and touching cum is disgusting to you, dude, you are str8, so stop fucking guys simply because you could not get a girl (this is not meant to offend guys who are actually gay and have feelings similar to what I have written above). You can blow me or get the fuck out of my bed.
There is the i-am-oh-so-effeminate guy who is an absolute woman, says he is masculine, then plays with his extremely well maintained eye brows and bats his eye lashes at the waiter shamelessly. Ok, so when we were talking on the phone, why the fuck did you have a fake voice? And why the hell did you tell me that everyone tells you that you are so str8 acting. Dont you think I will see through the ten pounds of hair product, obscenely manicured eye brows, incredibly slated gait and demeanour, and the eye lash batting. Oh please! Dont lie to me, and if you did, you had better sleep with the waiter.
There is the i-am-so-fashionably-cool guy who is in showbiz, says he cares about people and is down to earth, but he has the ego the size of my dick when it is erect (read huge) and the huge flowers on his shirts make him look incredibly gay, and yes, everyone knows that you are gay because your clothes scream it out, and to top it off, if you make fun of my French Pronunciations, you are an elitist dick, even when you are mis pronouncing every Urdu word by default because you want to make sure that you dont seem like you know the language spoken in your city by 99.5% of the people.
There is the i-am-so-emotionally-needy guy who would want to talk on the phone all the time and thinks it is romantic and not creepy, but he doesnt realize that there are people who have jobs and lives and will greet you at 7 pm by “did you remember me now after the whole day?”. My reply until now was, I am so sorry, I thought that since we talked on the phone for two hours last night, one hour of which I was begging you to let me go, I can not call you till seven today. My reply, from now onwards is going to be, shut the fuck up and suck my sugar frosted dick, biyatch.
Oh and yes, sorry, but the quality of your skin is not the only good thing about you. Brainless idiot.
We also decided that in spite of these, and oh so many other negative stereotypes there are many good guys out there, we have both been with some.
And then we started discussing which hotel in Karachi is the best. For having sexual trysts in. We did not reach an agreement. I liked Beach Luxury and he liked Hotel Mehran. Oh well! Maybe ill try it next time.
Day 10,289 – Tuesday – 25 Agrahayana 1930 – 17 Zilhaj 1429 – 16 December 2008
First, I would like to announce, albeit with a pang of guilt and sorrow, that it seems that I am not into self obsessed narcissistic dicks any more.
So, if you want to meet me only because you want me to drive you to some place where you can have coffee and then buy something that you were supposed to buy anyways and I am just the stupid prick who drives to your place, picks you up, takes you out, then buys your stuff for you and then drops you back home. And, if you will never ever call me or message me but make an issue if I dont call you any given day. And basically, if you are a self obsessed narcissistic vapid moron who does not have the ability to realize that two people make a relationship and that you have to respect other people then I am sorry, but it is over between us.
That being said. I am single again.
It is so fucking pathetic, I can not even begin to describe.
Day 10,279 – Saturday – 15 Agrahayana 1930 – 07 Zilhaj 1429 – 06 December 2008
A cell phone, like a laptop, is an extension of a person. Much like daggers and horses and shields used to be in an earlier age. And since these gadgets are an extension of one’s personality they are loved and cherished.
On the record, I love my Mac. My mac is closer to me than sex with Val Kilmer. Six times. After that I will loose interest in him and return to the laptop anyways, so there is no need going there.
I just love to see the bright glowing apple logo on my mac at night. It is magical.
But, now, I have started to hate my cellphone. Fuck you Motorola. I am a loyal fucking customer and your phones are fucking crap. My battery dies down very soon. I dont have my fucking phone working for about 25% each day. Fuck you motorola fuck you.
I slept with my mac last night. And it felt good. I preferred the whirring of my laptop next to my pillow rather than the feel of your cold steely sexy body with my hand under the pillow. I hate you!!! I cheated on you and it felt good.
Day 10,278 – Friday – 14 Agrahayana 1930 – 06 Zilhaj 1429 – 05 December 2008
I seem to be becoming fucking senile at an incredibly fast pace. I think about at least ten good blogging items a day. Things I want to write about. But then I just fucking forget when I sit here in front of my fucking screen. I think I have used the word “fucking” too many times too soon.
So, there is a guy who I am messaging on Manjam and Facebook. He is currently using a Mint KY Jelly.
I want some.
And, SC, you know who you are, and I know that you are reading it. So, there goes. Go wild basking in the glow of your
Day 10,276 – Wednesday – 12 Agrahayana 1930 – 04 Zilhaj 1429 – 03 December 2008
God I love to watch TV shows. During every show, even the ones that I do not like, I get transported into the show. Same goes for movies. And once that happens, I become some sort of another invisible character on the show. And then I get involved with the show.
And then, I get crushes on all the men in the show, and then I feel sorry for not being able to sleep with them, so I start hating all the women. Then the women get dumped and they go completely destroyed so I start pitying them.
And I love the shows.
God! I need love in my life.