Archive for blogging

Frozen Shoulder

Day 10,483 – Sunday – 07 Asadha 1930 – 04 Rajab ul Murajjab 1430 – 28 June 2009

I guess all of you guys will have to get used to the fact that I will, from now on, be blogging very irregularly, as in once a quarter or something. Work and other things in life have just become very extreme and do not allow enough time for blogging. I have no idea why, but that is how it is.

So, for now, I am going to have the following goals in life, I want to learn how to speak French and Farsi and I want to learn Horseriding, Swordfighting, Archery and Shooting and I want to be able to write regularly and I want to have a top of the line caravan that I can spend the rest of my life travelling in.

And, I want to have emotion free sex with millions of strangers in exotic cities, locations and places.

But, one does not get everything one wants, and one must learn to live as they are.

In other news, one of the reasons for not blogging for the past three months would be the fear elicited by the fact that my blog has been quoted in both an Indian newspaper / online news source, and now and American one. The closet door is being banged at very hard. For all the actions where I have come out of the closet to my family and friends does not mean that I am ready to do it officially. Not in Pakistan. I can not. Sorry. So, since this blog has started coming into international media showcasing Pakistani homosexuals, I would have to request you people to at least not try to knock on the closet door.

From this I would wonder why we even use the term closet door? Why?

And I will leave you to that.

Oh and yes, the guy who plays Kirk in the new Star Trek, Chris Pine. Fucking yummy.

Blogging

Day 10,278 – Friday – 14 Agrahayana 1930 – 06 Zilhaj 1429 – 05 December 2008

I seem to be becoming fucking senile at an incredibly fast pace. I think about at least ten good blogging items a day. Things I want to write about. But then I just fucking forget when I sit here in front of my fucking screen. I think I have used the word “fucking” too many times too soon.

Goddamnit!

So, there is a guy who I am messaging on Manjam and Facebook. He is currently using a Mint KY Jelly.

I want some.

Now.

And, SC, you know who you are, and I know that you are reading it. So, there goes. Go wild basking in the glow of your
fame.

Monogamy

Day 10,246 – Friday – 12 Asvina 1930 – 03 Shawwal 1429 – 03 October 2008

1 – I feel that there is something wrong with me and I dont feel the want or desire or the excitement of blogging any more; at all.

2 – I hate the concept of monogamy. Hate it!

Issues

Day 10,164 – Sunday – 22 Asadha 1930 – 09 Rajab 1429 – 13 July 2008

The problem with meeting too many people for eventual sexual purposes is that one gets to listen to too many things that one does not want to listen to.

I, for one, have had the pleasure of being rejected too many times for the reasons that I am fat, that I am ugly and that I have a small dick in the past two weeks that it is not even humorous any more, rather it is concerning and depressing. With all these faults, I can only thank God that I did indeed get all the sex that I have gotten to date.

Thank you Lord for the sex that you provide.

And yes, I am blogging from my new MacBook. Very very difficult shifting from Windows/PC to X/Mac. But amazing. Will start blogging more often from here.

BH

Day 10,142 – Saturday – 31 Jyaistha 1930 – 16 Jamadi us Sani 1429 – 21 June 2008

Still suffering from a long bout of writers block. I apologize for not adding all the usual colour and flavour to your lives. I have a lot to tell; rest assured. Hopefully tomorrow.

As for now. I am typing a quick post from BH’s very small, compact and weirdly quirky laptop.

It’s very interesting blogging from another PC.

Oh, and yes,  I gave BH my blog addy. She went through it, took special exception to her and her husband being called loosers in a previous post. So, I will set the record straight. BH, you are your husband are not loosers. You are a very interesting couple. The most interesting in the world. There. I said it. Are you happy now? What more do you guys want from me! Why is it never enough. Enough with the theatrics Jalal! Good! So, BH, is this ok?

Stupidity

Day 10,098 – Thursday – 18 Vaisakh 1930 – 02 Jamadi ul Awwal 1429 – 08 May 2008

Apart from all the random whims, fancies and desired that I have on a day to day. Now I also want the ability to remember things that I wanted to blog about during the day. As I sit here I am clenching my fists just trying to remember what it was that I just had to blog about. But I have no idea what it was.

In other news, I am absolutely, completely, unequivocally, unabashedly and properly in love with Dilbert. The way office life is captured. Amazing. I love it. And I love Scott Adams. For all of you who work in offices, please dont waste time reading this collection of stupidities, go to Google and search for Dilbert online.

For the rest of you. Why are you still reading this. Google. Dilbert. Now! Or I will have to use my new leather belt!

Block

Thursday – 28 Muharram 1429 – 18 Magha 1929 – 07 February 2008 

Sunday – 17 Muharram 1429 – 07 Magha 1929 – 27 January 2008

Still dont know what to say. This is pathetic.

Block

Sunday – 17 Muharram 1429 – 07 Magha 1929 – 27 January 2008

Needless to say, I am suffering from a writers block. I dont know what to write, when to write it and how to write it. Needless to say, difficult.

One good thing has happened, my activity level at work has gone up 267.8734528%. My work has just become a lot more active and hectic. I miss lunch every other day and notice this at about five. At the same time, my work hours have increased by an hour or so daily to about a nine to nine. Good. And, I have ended up realizing that this is the pace of work that makes me feel alive and vibrant. I feel like one of the more dangerous workaholics. Because if I dont get this much work, I feel like life is a slow waste. If there are any shrinks reading this, please name this Jalal syndrome. Dont mean to sound unbelivably self centred, but, I think I am the only one with this thing.

Another good thing that has happened recently is that my engagement is finally over. And I dont have to marry her. It is very very good because neither one of us would have been happy with the other. She was a good person, but life with her is inconcievable. Good that that is over. And now for the fear that if she actually reads this blog. She is going to kick my ass.

Another good thing that has happened recently is that I have started to loose weight. Not because of exercise, not because of diet control, and not because of any major illness that would make me irritable and ill behaved even more than I actually am. It is because of a more controlled life. I have changed my eating habits. I eat more eggs and meat now. All protein, good to taste, good for the fatty collections of my posterior. I run up and down the stairs at work like a schoolboy skipping after an overdose of candy. And of course, since I am happy at work, I get to keep more active. And of course, one of my friends say that it is the increased sexual stimulation of my life, but I think he is just a stupid bitch.

Another thing that is going on is that I have finally decided to behave like a normal human being and apply for a University outside Pakistan or find a good Scholarship outside Pakistan for my Masters. Good Plan. Need to study for the TOEFL, GRE and then the GMAT.

Damn it! And I thought I had writers block.

Oh, and yes, can someone find me a good job in one of the following cities,

New York, London, Paris, and Istanbul.

Admonition

Sunday – 03 Muharram 1429 – 24 Pausa 1929 – 13 January 2008

1 – Goddamnit, do I have to carry around a pair of metal studden leather tongs to spank your asses purple when you go ahead and read things that are only meant for monthly catharsis? If no, then don’t read it, or, don’t reply. If yes, call me.

2 – Was quite unable to access internet at home since I have finally negotiated a portion in the house with a lot of privacy and was without internet till now.

3 – Need to get laid.

Depression

Sunday – 24 Ramazan 1428 – 15 Asvina 1929 – 07 October 2007

Humans are such intersting creatures. So simple at first sight, short-thin-petite-brownhair-beautifuleyes-crazysideburns, tall-fat-fair-jolly-sexychin, muscular-macho-brighteyes-beautifulshoes-interestingfashionsense. But so complicated when you jump into them. Courageous, cautious, self-conscious, complacent, arrogant, confident, depressive. And so and so forth. So many adjectives to define something that is basically not definable, playing with words to conceive an iota of knowledge about something so profound and so complex.

The past two weeks have not been a good time for me. But, it is the company of others that has kept me strong. For whatever reason. There have been so many issues that I have had to deal with lately. My engagement and the prospects of a life not at all my own but dictated by others. Maybe even not dictated, but dictated by my knowledge of the expectations of others. Expectations that I know are held so dear that I would not want to hurt them. But sacrificing my own expectations for others. No idea how that will turn out, there are too many apprehensions.

One of the reasons why I started this weblog was to reach out, a kind of catharsis that I get when I put pen to paper to write what I feel and then to read it and feel better about things. I was a regular blogger during my fourth year of college. But it was scary for the strength of emotions used. So I deleted that. Even after college I have been blogging regularly. Most of my older posts have been unbelievably strong and do scare me. But I have resolved not to delete my past, I can not escape it. And I do not want to forget it any more. I want to know who I was and who I will be.

I have a lot of friends who I can share my life with. In the physical world. And over time I have gained a lot of friends in this world of the internet as well. Very different kind of a relationship, but it does exist.

I have been having a severe feeling of loss over the past couple of days. Of not having done the things in life that I should have. Basically relates to relationships and sexual relationships with men. Something I knew would hurt my family if they find out. So, I have led a life of a reasonable amount of abstinence. But now it is haunting me. I dont want to make the same mistake. Of doing something for someone and feeling sorry about it. So I read my weblog for the past few years. I admit that there is more crap in there than there are stars or grains of sand. Gave me a bit of a consolation that not having the life that I wanted did not necessarily destroy my life back then.

One year of blissful submission to my family and my society is a reasonable period to cover up for the one month a year period of doubt, angst and depression that I have. Or is it? One thing about life is that you can never really answer these things. If only there were answers and if only I could know them. But that is not the case.

The silver lining on a rather large cloud is that depression wearies one off and ends itself as soon as the novelty of the emotion wears off. Hopefully.