Archive for books

Smorgasbord

Sunday – 16 Safar 1429 – 05 Phalgun 1929 – 24 February 2008 

My belief in the existence of a supreme being, lovingly called God from now on, has been strengthened in the past couple of days. I have suddenly been put through a set of extremely varied experiences since Friday morning. I am sure this God person wants to show me ways to love what he has created. If only he worked this hard to get me sex with Mark Wahlberg, I am sure my belief in him would be awakened beyond all previous records.

So, I go to work on Friday. Over excited about how things are working out, doing my mental calculations. And then a sand storm hit the city, and wham, I am in the loo coughing, sneezing and feeling miserable. My boss thinks I am trying to avoid work. And, I am trying to tell him that he can get a clue from my red eyes and the fact that I have tears dripping from my chin that there is something wrong with me. No, you idiots, slow brained cows, I was not crying, I got a fucking eye infection. I hate infections of all kinds. Though I do like the odd cold, makes me feel sexy. Perverted; but sexy.

Then comes Saturday, I go on an interesting date, the guy does NOT like me. He does NOT like me at all. AT ALL. I am sure you all see the excessive capitalization. I liked him. But, he DEFINITELY did not like me.

So, to get over that, I went to a book store. My old nemesis. I have to decide on a small amount, and then try not to exceed ten times that figure. But, this time I really did go overboard, and bought books worth about 23% of my take home salary and about 16% of my total salary. Crazy, weird, insane? Yes please, with an added dollop or fat free creme. And this is exactly why I have to take someone else along with me when I go shopping. I would max out my card buying stupid cup holders when I know I dont need them.

I think ill just put up a huge sign on my office table “Therapy needed here”. Because, as of now, I dont feel anything else can define me so well.

And then, I went crabbing at night. Amazing experience. The whole family went. And of course, eating at least 25 crabs and 25 shrimp is not a general human’s idea of fun, but when you have practically frozen solid because of the full blast cold freeing winds the only thing you can think of is eating. Eating to your heart’s content.

Ugghhhhhhh. I think I need to sleep today!

Friendship

Wednesday – 12 Safar 1429 – 01 Phalgun 1929 – 20 February 2008

So, we usually like friends. People who just keep laughing at stupid things and then steal your coffee, or USB drive. There is a general up and down with friends. I prefer to see my friends paying the cheque at the restaurant, that is the up. I generally do not prefer having to ask my idiot friend for my book which I lent to her three months ago, that is the down. Ok, and, call me heartless, or evil, but I have reminded her about it at least ten times, and she just doesnt give it back. And to add to all that, now she is saying that she is keeping it.

If I were an ill behaved heather I would have pulled her hair when I met her earlier on today. And, as opposed to all sense and reason, I did just that. In the elevator earlier on today. Or course she kicked me in the shin, pulled my tie and pulled my shirt out of my pants. I hate her. She is evil. Of course when the elevator doors opened it seemed as if we had had a session of wild torrid sex in the elevator. Even if I was not gay I would not have slept with a book stealer.

But, most of all, I hate evil friends who meet up with me after ages and end up sending me an sms that declares that “After a round table conference which was merely equivalent to one message, the verdict is that despite your ‘I had to ditch 2 friends to meet you’ attitude, we approve of you and look forward to hand out :)”. I mean, what the fuck, I am extremely likeable.

Right about now I have an extremely strong urge to refer to myself in the third person and say something like “the j-man rocks”, but after a moment of thought I have decided absolutely against it.