Archive for chatting

Apology

This is an apology directed to the guy I was chatting on MIRC with 10 mins ago.

I am sorry I rushed off like an ill behaved hussy.

I want to apologize to you, over the phone preferably, and then take you out to coffee.

Joke

Wednesday – 21 Jamadi us Sani 1424 – 29 Sravana 1925 – 20 August 2003    

there are times when you want to say something. but it comes out as something else. sometimes leading to hysterical laughter by all present. i live on the internet a lot. sometimes this happens on the internet as well. when you type something incorrectly.

today was the biggest of such mistakes. i actually fell down from my chair laughing.

the was chatting with a fellow gay guy on mirc. when all of a sudden.

[23:55:14] sorry HUGE lad … will talk to you later when it is under control …

[23:55:20] sorry HUGE lag … will talk to you later when it is under control …

[23:55:21] :)

[23:55:35] i am sure the one on top had a completely different meanign ;)

[23:55:40] ahhahahahahhaha

[23:55:45] actually come to think of it …

[23:55:48] haahahahhahaahahha

[23:55:51] ROFLMAO …

[23:55:57] sorry HUGE lad … will talk to you later when it is under control …

[23:57:00] oh my god …

[23:57:48] that is the best slip that i have had on mirc …

the other guy was VERY amused. i later blamed it on the witching hour ;) midnight.

Similarities

Tuesday – 20 Jamadi us Sani 1424 – 28 Sravana 1925 – 19 August 2003  

chatting with a friend of mine i learnt that he was also VERY fond of eric clapton. it was like a divine wind blowing all over. i dont usually meet clapton fans. when i do i am very happy for them. well we discusses the way his guitar moves. and the way he has a knack of making your heart move. my particular favourite is “old love”. this song can do wonders for me. it is a saying in urdu that music is the food of the soul. listening to clapton i will say that it is the food the ointment and the pleasure of the soul. the way he starts layla and how it flows. beautiful.

i am very moved by music. i am sure people who read my blog regularly will know this. but music for me is not just related to the sense of sound. for me in encompasses the sense of touch. for me music is more than music. it is a whole concept. of lyrics. of the voice. of the instruments. of the beats. of the flows. clapton is one of the few people who comes to my standards. he is someone who is excellent in his field.

mr eric clapton. i salute you!

Romantique

Sunday – 11 Jamadi us Sani 1424 – 19 Sravana 1925 – 10 August 2003    

Hmmm. Just wrote a LONG post that got erased. I AM SUCH A MORON!

Well I have been meeting all these wonderful people on MIRC for the past two nights. Old friends. New People who are amazingly cool.

This is all good. Keeps my belief in ‘Gay Supremacy’ alive.

Well I do not know why but I am feeling amazingly romantic tonight. VERY romantic. So I am wallowing in the feeling while I can. After this I will put on some of Mehdi Hasan’s Ghazals. And lose myself to the music and fate. ;).

Oh I have put it on already. Well tata all of you. I will spare you my words. Have fun and enjoy.

*mehdi hasan*

phool hi phool khil uthay meray paymanay main

aap kya aaye bahar aa gaee mae khanay main

Anyone from Pakistan with a taste for classical. ASK me for the file I will DCC it to you on MIRC or do whatever. You HAVE to hear it.

Friendship

Saturday – 10 Jamadi us Sani 1424 – 18 Sravana 1925 – 09 August 2003    

well tonight was mind blowing. actually i am in shock as i post. maybe ill post later on as well when i am all calm.

the thing is i have a very old friends. a very good friend. and we met on the internet tonight. on a gay chat channel. and well we talked a little. and we realized it is us.

the first person in the world who i came out to(except 3 friends in college). and it was wonderful. and i was the first person who he came out to about whome he wasnt sure that they were gay.

the only thing i can say. WOW. coming out to someone. WOW OWO WOW OWO WOW !!!

well i can only say. best of luck you man. best of luck. and also i am always here for you. apparently he read my blog.

Boyfriend

Tuesday – 06 Jamadi us Sani 1424 – 14 Sravana 1925 – 05 August 2003  

well in case someone(read A.A) missed this. i already have a boyfriend. A.A. so i am taken.

you happy now A.A. and yes for gods sake leave a comment. all other boyfriends do that.

for those of you who dont know about this. i met A.A. on mirc. liked him instantly. and shockingly he liked me as well. he was the first person that i knew on mirc who i told about my blog. he is the first person who i have sent a picture with a motive in mind. actually i am doign that as i write this. this coming a paranoid freak like me is shocking. also i am going to call him soon ;). another big big break for a paranoid freak like me.

so thats it. bye now. ill post later.

Morons

Friday – 24 Jamadi ul Awwal 1424 – 03 Sravana 1925 – 25 July 2003 

first of all i am laughing right now. at my own naivity. when i actually managed to write “so i have managed to write the most psychologically insane post ever in the history of blogging.” so now goes the even insaner(if there is such a word) post.

i have asked the permission of the guy. also try to read it through every line has its own beauty.

msn messenger. immedately after my previous post.

u never Know who will fall in love with u from ur smile says:i see your journal

u never Know who will fall in love with u from ur smile says:ya

u never Know who will fall in love with u from ur smile says:and from that i added u

Jalaluddin Ahmed Khan says:ohk …

Jalaluddin Ahmed Khan says:what did you search for ?

u never Know who will fall in love with u from ur smile says:i saw ur atricle

Jalaluddin Ahmed Khan says:oh …

Jalaluddin Ahmed Khan says:which one ?

Jalaluddin Ahmed Khan says:aool.blogspot.com ?

u never Know who will fall in love with u from ur smile says:ok

u never Know who will fall in love with u from ur smile says:ya

u never Know who will fall in love with u from ur smile says:who u wrote that

Jalaluddin Ahmed Khan says:yep … that is my work

u never Know who will fall in love with u from ur smile says:do u have gaystories

u never Know who will fall in love with u from ur smile says:reall

Jalaluddin Ahmed Khan says:have you even left a comment ?

u never Know who will fall in love with u from ur smile says:thats great

Jalaluddin Ahmed Khan says:no …

Jalaluddin Ahmed Khan says:i dont do that …

Jalaluddin Ahmed Khan says:for that you should find the proper sites

u never Know who will fall in love with u from ur smile says:no but u write little roodly

u never Know who will fall in love with u from ur smile says:likewht

Jalaluddin Ahmed Khan says:?

Jalaluddin Ahmed Khan says:example … what was i rude about ?

u never Know who will fall in love with u from ur smile says:listen

u never Know who will fall in love with u from ur smile says:can u put my article

u never Know who will fall in love with u from ur smile says:on ur site

Jalaluddin Ahmed Khan says:yar …

Jalaluddin Ahmed Khan says:it is a blog

Jalaluddin Ahmed Khan says:it is not a magazine …

Jalaluddin Ahmed Khan says:hey you know what …

Jalaluddin Ahmed Khan says:you should make your own blog

u never Know who will fall in love with u from ur smile says:can u put mines in ur blog

Jalaluddin Ahmed Khan says:no …

Jalaluddin Ahmed Khan says:well

u never Know who will fall in love with u from ur smile says:why

Jalaluddin Ahmed Khan says:a blog is like a diary …

Jalaluddin Ahmed Khan says:do people put other peoples things in their diry ..

Jalaluddin Ahmed Khan says:no …

u never Know who will fall in love with u from ur smile says:aacha u will but ur lover article in ur blog

Jalaluddin Ahmed Khan says:?

Jalaluddin Ahmed Khan says:what ?

u never Know who will fall in love with u from ur smile says:aacha u will but ur lover article in ur blog

Jalaluddin Ahmed Khan says:yar i am sorry i cannot understand what you are trying to say ….

Jalaluddin Ahmed Khan says:oh are you talking about me mentioning you ???

u never Know who will fall in love with u from ur smile says:no

u never Know who will fall in love with u from ur smile says:i mean if ur lover say u to put his article in ur blog will u

Jalaluddin Ahmed Khan says:no

Jalaluddin Ahmed Khan says:i will make him get his own blog …

Jalaluddin Ahmed Khan says:but then again maybe i will …

Jalaluddin Ahmed Khan says:but 99 % i will make him his own blog

u never Know who will fall in love with u from ur smile says: then why not my

u never Know who will fall in love with u from ur smile says:make one for me

Jalaluddin Ahmed Khan says:because you are not my lover ….

Jalaluddin Ahmed Khan says:DUH!

Jalaluddin Ahmed Khan says:ok one thing ..

u never Know who will fall in love with u from ur smile says:wht

Jalaluddin Ahmed Khan says:you want me to mention you in my blog ?

u never Know who will fall in love with u from ur smile says:ya

u never Know who will fall in love with u from ur smile says:sure with my email

Jalaluddin Ahmed Khan says:ahahhaha ok … i will do that …

Jalaluddin Ahmed Khan says:wait ill add a post right now …

u never Know who will fall in love with u from ur smile says:ok

u never Know who will fall in love with u from ur smile says:thanks

Jalaluddin Ahmed Khan says:no problem

Jalaluddin Ahmed Khan says:another thing …

Jalaluddin Ahmed Khan says:yar you can give comments to my posts … and add your email and website to it as well …

u never Know who will fall in love with u from ur smile says:yamohsin

Jalaluddin Ahmed Khan says:ok

ok. i know i am being a bitch posting this. shows a complete lack to etiquette. but i do not think such things happen often. so i am sharing it with you.

and yes. his email address is mohsin807@hotmail.com. please do not harass him.

i am sure he must be one of those who searched for karachi gay sex on google and got my site somewhere in there. since a lot of porn has been banned in pakistan last month. maybe mine is the first site that opens. i actually get about 2 hits a day from such searches. go figure.

Virginity

Wednesday – 22 Jamadi ul Awwal 1424 – 01 Sravana 1925 – 23 July 2003 

well there are three important things in this post. a realization. an action. and a feeling leading to another realization.

last night i was chatting with someone. it suddenly hit me. i am 22. i am gay. i am a virgin. i dont have a boyfriend. i have never had one. i have never had sex or any sexual or semi-sexual relations with another man. then WHAM! there is something wrong. so now i am not only looking for the love of my life. i am also looking for someone to ravish me and make me a non virgin. but i have to make sure it is safe as well (why do i do this to myself !). but as always i my first priority is the love of my life.

i told you guys we are shifting. sifting through the stuff i found. i foung a picture of my dad at his academy. he is in the police and very much a policemen. well he was about 30 at that time. what shocked and scared me was that i was completely turned on by some of my dads entry mates. i felt like a complete pervert after that. i cant keep from getting attracted anyone on paper, on screen or in person. i have to sleep with someone to get this out of my system.

and yes finally i did something outrageous for me. it was my first time. it was the first time some guy from my relatives my age did it. something that would be considered extremely forward for a guy my age 10 years ago. something that would be considered simply unacceptable for a guy when my dad was my age. something that would be considered worthy of the death penalty for a guy in when my granddad was my age.

i had a facial.

yes. i had a facial. my suddenly realization that since i am gay. all the rules of pakistani manhood do not apply to me. since i will not dating women i do not have to be extremely masculine and scruffy enough to be confused with sandpaper. and it felt wonderful. my sister gave me the facial. she told me all about it. so now i can do it when she is not here. also she told me where all the stuff will be. so it is in my reach. ahhhhhhhhh ! the life.

also i am so so so so so pleased as i write this paragraph. i met a guy on mirc about a month ago. it was a wonderful chat. all nighter. i liked him VERY VERY much. and also he liked me VERY VERY much. then he got disconnected and i didnt hear from him since. a few emails we sent at first but then he was lost. i tried to find him but in vain. now at this very moment i am chatting with him. yey. and it turns out he was also missing me. yey! and he also kept logs that he read twice in the interval. twice. YEY! so i didnt give him the address to this blog.

i dont want him to find out all the inherant flaws in me. and realize how much i have fallen for him. so i will leave now and see how my chat developes. bye. and wish me luck.

Strangers in the night

Saturday – 19 Jamadi ul Awwal 1424 – 29 Asadh 1925 – 20 July 2003

OH MY GOD! the best of news ever. and the worst of news ever. first the best news.

i have finally been able to connect to irc. i go to a few channels there to meet people. actually i go there to find ‘the one’. well. i was there all night last night. i met someone.

it was so so so frikking scary the way we had things in common. at one time i was actually going to stop chatting coz i got really freaked. but it was awesome. we had so much in common. so much. at one moment i asked got so exasperated i asked him. “dont effing tell me your favourite colour is blue and your sign is virgo”. well i was expecting a different answer. but i got an answer that actually made me swoon. “actually my favourit coloyr is blue and i am a virgo” then he goes on and tells me. but i also like whites blacks and anything in between them and blue. OOOOO MMMMMYYYYYYY GGGGGOOOOODDDDD !!!!! i had goosebumps all over. because that is exactly what i would have said. this is just one thing. we have millions of other things in common.

i was so excited i couldnt focus. i was so so so shocked and happy. we bonded like hell. we TALKED ! everything was the same. we both belong to similar families. think alike. are similar situations. it was awesome. i think he might be ‘the one’. :)

well unfortunately i gave him the addy to my blog. but i hope he wont read it and think i haven fallen head over heels in love with him. and realize i am to desperate and psychotic and leave me. PLEASE ALLAH PLEASE make this one work.

i mean chatting with someone for all night here in pakistan means spending a night talking in america. oh it was magical.

maybe you people dont understand the importance of this night. it was THE night. and he is THE guy. i have never met someone who i was so interested in.

now comes the bad news.

he lives in rawalpindi. very very far away.

now comes the horrible news

I AM SUCH A MORON !!!

he is 5’7. i am attracted to men at least as tall as me. (he is perfect for me)

there is no other thing the problems. he is good looking. he is everything i can ever ask for. and here i am already creating issues. i dont like this i dont like that. there are too aools righ tnow. one is saying. this is wrong. that is wrong. the other is saying. shut the fuck up you moron. he is perfect. you have to look for another 10 years to find someone like him.

yes he is younger i like guys my age or slightly older. GODDAMIT YOU ARE A MORON AOOL

i hate myself. i wanted the perfect guy. i got him. now i am looking for everything. gooddamit man. i can get everything. GROW THE FUCK UP!

i am hating myself for this. i keep telling myself. even this guy is too good for me. but no. i dont listen. i want a man who had all the good qualities of all the men that currently reside on the atlantic seaboard. GODDAMIT you cant have all that. it is just not possible. i am a mess i hate myself. he is perfect. PERFECT !!!. i dont know what is wrong with me.

i am keeping my criterion so high that noone EVER! will come upto it. and someone actually does that. he will not stay with me because 1 hed be an angel and having a homosexual relationship would be out of the question or 2 he will find someone upto his standards and his liking where i will definitely not fit.

GOD I HATE THIS !!! i have the perfect guy but i want more. HELP ME !!! ALLAH !!!