Archive for computer

Cellphone

Day 10,279 – Saturday – 15 Agrahayana 1930 – 07 Zilhaj 1429 – 06 December 2008

A cell phone, like a laptop, is an extension of a person. Much like daggers and horses and shields used to be in an earlier age. And since these gadgets are an extension of one’s personality they are loved and cherished.

On the record, I love my Mac. My mac is closer to me than sex with Val Kilmer. Six times. After that I will loose interest in him and return to the laptop anyways, so there is no need going there.

I just love to see the bright glowing apple logo on my mac at night. It is magical.

But, now, I have started to hate my cellphone. Fuck you Motorola. I am a loyal fucking customer and your phones are fucking crap. My battery dies down very soon. I dont have my fucking phone working for about 25% each day. Fuck you motorola fuck you.

I slept with my mac last night. And it felt good. I preferred the whirring of my laptop next to my pillow rather than the feel of your cold steely sexy body with my hand under the pillow. I hate you!!! I cheated on you and it felt good.

Die bitch!

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Computers

Day 10,164 – Sunday – 22 Asadha 1930 – 09 Rajab 1429 – 13 July 2008

Disclaimer – As the post progresses there is a marked increase in sex, violent and graphical language. Please proceed at your own responsibility and do not proceed if you are not yet 18 years of age.

This is the first time I am using Pages, which the word processing tool available for Apple, to blog. I have to admit that as a new user of Apple I have to divide the world of computer users into three categories.

The first category is of the users who need to use the computer’s software to the maximum. They need to code in C++ and check if the code works. They need to be incredibly boring on the dinner table, because I don’t want to fucking know that you were able to shorten the code to four lines and now it is using less memory as well as processing power. I have spent four years of my life learning to fucking be an IT guy, and I don’t want to spend one more day at it. Thank you very much.

This category of users will be called the Software utilizers. They need to have a custom built computer with Linux installed on it.

The second category is of the users who need to use the computer’s hardware to the maximum. They need to process video files whilst they play graphics rich computer games. They need to be incredibly boring on the dinner table, because I don’t want to fucking know that you were able to fight off three Zerg rushes before you eventually raided the Zerg camp and destroyed them while the rest of your team could not help you. I have spent years of my life gaming, and I just cannot stand another conversation revolving around computer games any more.

This category of users will be called the Hardware utilizers. They need to have a PC with some version of windows installed on it.

The third category is of the users who need to use the computer’s ability to go basic tasks. They need to check their email, while they listen to music and have a movie on hold in the background. They need to be incredibly boring on the dinner table, because I don’t want to fucking know that you actually learnt that whales are mammals and that your IQ has increased to 70 points. I have spent years of my life dealing with insipid narcissists who have a severe brain deficiencies and I do not want to listen to conversations which push me down the IQ ladder any more.

This category of users will be called the Computer utilizers. They need to have a Mac.

It’s all right. I am not a bad person. I am just vicious and bitter. Also, if I don’t get a whole lot of sex soon, I will be vicious, bitter and perverse. There. Oh, oh, but I am a bed person. I love being in bed. With or without other people.

Wow. If any one of you out there is a psychiatrist, psychologist or just able to assess people, and specifically if you are hot men who will be able to give me love, can you please not email me to tell me that you are insane.

Oh, and yes, whichever one of you searched for “Amazing Gay Sex Karachi” on Google and landed on my blog. Email me now! I need some of that too.

And, I think that if you are a guy, you are not allowed to say fabulous or worst yet – fab. You are not. You are just so not.

See, see, this is what happens. This is what happens to otherwise slightly insane people (read me) when they do not get sex for a very long time. They go stark raving mad! Like me now! Oh My God! I cannot believe I am blogging like this. This is like a fucking scary telephone call when you just cannot hang up because you are stuck in a fucking vicious circle of lies, deceit and self birthing faux pas!

Before I say more. I beg to take to your leave. Good evening and enjoy yourselves. And if you happen to have some good porn quality sex, please do write to me in detail. That seems to be the only sexual intercourse that I will be having in some time.

BH

Day 10,142 – Saturday – 31 Jyaistha 1930 – 16 Jamadi us Sani 1429 – 21 June 2008

Still suffering from a long bout of writers block. I apologize for not adding all the usual colour and flavour to your lives. I have a lot to tell; rest assured. Hopefully tomorrow.

As for now. I am typing a quick post from BH’s very small, compact and weirdly quirky laptop.

It’s very interesting blogging from another PC.

Oh, and yes,  I gave BH my blog addy. She went through it, took special exception to her and her husband being called loosers in a previous post. So, I will set the record straight. BH, you are your husband are not loosers. You are a very interesting couple. The most interesting in the world. There. I said it. Are you happy now? What more do you guys want from me! Why is it never enough. Enough with the theatrics Jalal! Good! So, BH, is this ok?

Laptop

Monday – 04 Ramazan 1428 – 26 Bhadra 1929 – 17 September 2007

It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good desktop computer must be in want of a laptop. I for one, seem to be going through this very period in my life. There is confusion, there is chaos and there is low self esteem (for no other reason except it being my regular reaction to things).

Being an ardent fan of computers and computing I have always gone for big machines. Large in size, good to look at and powerful as fuck. There was a point in time when I actually used to tell friends what to buy because it will be good to them. I have actually sold things to get money to buy bigger, more powerful computers every year and a half. I admit it. I am a computer lover. There, I said it. I don’t care what society says. But this is what I am.

And now, enter the laptop. Small, compact, convenient, sober, helpful, versatile and comfortable. Laptops are like the perfect partners in the rough sea of life. They are there when you want them. And they are not there when you dont want them. And you don’t have to call them every day. And you don’t have to tell them that you love them. They are just so perfect, no strings, just companionship.

So, the question arises, should I, so used to the powerful freaks that satiate my computing needs, instead opt for a more comfortable if less powerful companion? Should I give out double for a thing half as useful? Should I take the great leap from a fucking moron computer dope to an ass hole snobbish laptop freak? What are the option. I am getting older, my options are becoming less numerous, social pressures are mounting. What will Jalal do? I ask myself as other ask themselves while judgeing me. This is not nearly as kinky a perverted bitch that I can become. I can do more. But, in the meantime. I will buy a laptop. And I will get a good broadband connection to go with it. The days of downloading loads of stuff from the internet are coming back.

Malice

Monday – 03 Rajab 1424 – 10 Bhadra 1925 – 01 September 2003

seething hatred. abomination and malicious wrath. at my isp. at my windows. at my new pc that got all fucked up. i havent been able to access the internet for some time now. past 3-4 days. i got a new pc. and i needed to install a software for my net to run. but my damned isp didnt reply to my calls or messages so i was without internet then the NEW computer got broke and i had to get it fixed. then when i got that back. the internet wasnt working from the isp. this is the first time i have had to post. i hate the isp and the new computer vendor and windows xp for crashing and forcing me to reinstall it. HATE YOU ALL !!! may you all burn in hell along with characters like adolf hitler and his naughty little mistress ;)