Archive for driving

Car

Friday – 19 Ziqaad 1428 – 09 Agrahayana 1929 – 30 November 2007

As opposed to the evil assertions made by certain people through comments, I had intended to tell everyone about my new car. And what I have been doing with it. And since you all know by now that I am quite fucking crazy, and that I can do things that are wierd and strange. I will give a synopsis of my relationship with the car in a point list format.

01 – Company = Toyota.
02 – Vehicle = Vitz.
03 – Model = 05′ the new shape one.
04 – Distance = About 3,000 Kms.
05 – Engine Power = 1,300 CC.
06 – Transmission = Transmission.
07 – Car Fuck = 0-100 in about 15 seconds.
08 – Car Super Fuck = 0-140 in about 50 seconds.
09 – Car Screaming Daddy Dont Stop You Are Going Way To Fast Super Fuck (CSDDSYAGWTFSF) = 146 Kms/Hr.
10 – Location of CSDDSYAGWTFSF = Mai Kolachi Bypass, which is within the city.
11 – Feeling During CSDDSYAGWTFSF = Hell fucking Yea!
12 – Orgasm equivalent of feeling during CSDDSYAGWTFSF = 3.18.
13 – Dangerous accident near misses = 1. (Kind of my fault, I have reformed since then)
14 – Slight accident near misses = 3. (None of my fault at all, I have still reformed since then)
15 – Mileage = 11 kms per litre.
16 – Radio Settings = Japanese, so I get only 70 MHz to 90 MHz, which means that I get only one Pakistani FM Channel, 89.
17 – Tinting = Back windows.
18 – Tyres = Tubeless.
19 – Flats to Date = 2.
20 – Rims = Allow Rims. (They turn me on every time)
21 – Front lights that have exploded for no fucking reason whatsoever = 1 out of 4.
22 – Exploded front lights not fixed = 1 out of 1.
23 – Steering Wheel = Grooves fit my hand.
24 – Number of glove compartments used = 3 out of 3.
25 – Speedometer positioning = Exact centre of the Dash Board.
26 – Number of very slight scratches due to my accidents = 2.
27 – Number of very slight previous scrateches = 3.
28 – Colour = Silver Metallic.
29 – Maximum number of passengers = 5 out of 5 spaces.
30 – Expected passengers for Sunday = 7.
31 – Folding back seats = 2 out of 2.
32 – Times it takes to open the trunk since I dont know how = 2 – 5 minutes.
33 – Distance travelled by me = about 700 Kms.
34 – Number of times felt sorry about buying the car = 0.
35 – Number of times felt sorry for other not owning the car = 89,873,849.
36 – Number of times I have stroked my car with love = 3 (I can feel the shame now)
37 – Number of times I have opened the hood just to learn about cars = 6.
38 – Of (37) number of times I had grease on my hands = 1.
39 – Of (38) number of times I felt gross = 1.
40 – Of (38) number of times I felt horny = 1.
41 – Loss of Car Cigarette Smoking Virginity = Yes.
42 – Loss of Car Joint Smoking Virginity = Yes.
43 – Loss of Car Alcohol Consumption Virginity = No.
44 – Loss of Car Making Out Virginity = No.
45 – Loss of Car Sex Virginity = No.
46 – Loss of Car Another Couple Having Sex Virginity = No. But I have actually during writing this comment realized that I think it will be amazingly hot for me to do this, so, all applications are welcome, you have to come with a partner, and I will be allowed to peek.

One issue that I have with the car is the frikking Japanese FM settings. I need to find out how to tackle that and take care of the thing because at times one does want to listen to other radio channels.

After having an Automatic car for about a month, I feel that the rest of life of driving cars was an absolute waste and I should be spanked till thoroughly pinkish-red as a punishment for this (applications welcome).

And finally, the car has so much fucking space. I have amazing leg space. If someone sits behind my seat, even they have amazing leg space. Amazing amont of space in the car. Unbelievable.

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Meeting

Tuesday – 19 Ramazan 1428 – 10 Asvina 1929 – 02 October 2007

There was an awfully long meeting at work today. After spending two hours in the meeting room we decided to have a smoke and meet in the cafe for a bit. Smoking is strictly not allowed in Ramazan so we had to close the cafe and have a smoke. Everyone else having dispersed it was just me and my colleague from another department. And the idiot was wearing such a tight pair of pants. Not that I am complaining. I think he should do that every day. But even then. He was.

Jalal, will you please stop fucking staring at people’s crotches you are talking to specially after you both realize what you are doing.  I mean dude, please, behave yourself. How would you like if you were treated like a hunk of meat meant for lusty pursuits. Actually, that wont be so bad, but work is work, a cup of tea is a cup of tea, and tight pants are tight pants. So, from next time I will look him in the eyes like proper work conversation, so he doesnt tell me “Dude, I know you are gay, but, I am up here”.

So, the meeting was fun in the end. I ended up getting a lot of work done. That guy sortof mended fences with me. I got an additional responsibility to add to my already over worked status. But, otherwise all is good.

And the idiot who broke the signal, nearly bashed into my car, and scared the beejeezahz out of me should burn in hell while dogs feast on his rotting entrails.

And, “I will not call female colleagues fat cows from now on, I will not call female colleagues fat cows from now on, I will not call female colleagues fat cows from now on, I will not call female colleagues fat cows from now on, I will not call female colleagues fat cows from now on.”

Car

Thursday – 06 Rajab 1424 – 13 Bhadra 1925 – 04 September 2003 

hmmmm. well lets say that life is fine. things are going ok. slow and steady. my cousin persists on smoking like a train. and i persist on trying to stop him. we both stay on our own tracks.

and after that i drove my car from my cousins house to my own. my first car ride. yey. well it was much better than i thought. i didnt kill anyone or destroy my car. well i didnt hit it at all with anything. hmmmm.

well i love to drive. from now on. i will always love it. it is wonderful. but it was nice. more details later.