Archive for eggs

Brain Freeze

Day 10,145 – Tuesday – 03 Asadha 1930 – 19 Jamadi us Sani 1429 – 24 June 2008

So, I seem to have found an amazing place to eat at. Bread People. Absolutely amazing eggs. I would have to say that they have the best eggs in Karachi. Of course this does not include the rapidly ageing eggs of my friend RW who says that she has the best eggs in Karachi. Despite being exceptionally opinionated and judgemental, the only reason why I choose to say this exceptionally diplomatic thing this is to avoid the inevitable post blogging argument with her. Back to non human eggs. Bread People on Khayaban e Ittihad is absolutely good at making eggs.

I went with friends and decided to try their chili omelette. For all of you reading this, the basic requirement of your life should be to try this as soon as possible because it is the most delectable item on the face of the planet and you will love me all the more for this. Coming back to non human eggs I ordered lemon slush with the chili omelette.

Amazing combination.

Ten minutes into the egg. I decided that I need something cold to brush away the chili flavour. Like any normal human being, which usually I am not, I took a large swig of the slush. I was already suffereing with my mouth burning due to the chili. And I started feeling it. It was coming on. I knew that it was going to happen. And I couldnt do anything. I had to try to stop it. But I could feel is grow slowly and gradually, it started from my ear lobes and spread to my head. Brain freeze. It took two seconds, but to me it felt like an age.

Shocked, battered and reeling I decided to eat something hot immediately. To mitigate the effects of the oncoming brain freeze. I took two large bites of the chili omelette. Fuck. Too spicy. My tongue was killing me because it was so fucking spicy. Like any brain dead imbecilic human being, I took another slug of the lemon slush. Fuck. Too cold. Another jet of brain freeze.

Chili Omelette. Lemon Slush. Chili Omelette. Lemon Slush. Fuck. Fuck me! Why the fuck do I act like a fucking brain dead automaton when I have a brain, the ability to use it, and the ability to understand that I need to stop this spiralling vicious circle of pain and stupidity. But it didnt work out that way.

I am such a fucking idiot. Who in their right mind would do the same thing. No one. So Ladies and Gentlemen, I take a bow. For I am Jalal.

Development

Thursday – 18 Ziqaad 1428 – 08 Agrahayana 1929 – 29 November 2007

There are times when you can not help but wonder whether you have turned out to be the sort of a person that you would have wanted to be one, three, five, ten, twenty, thirty, forty, fifty years ago in life? And what is the answer, I don’t know. We pass through so many things, in my case usually psychotic, or insane that you can always end up rationalizing what you have turned into. Jalal, you have turned into a psychotic slut. Thank you for informing me, but I knew that already, as well as having an ardent hope of turning out to be as psychotic but much more sluttier with time.

I dont know whether it is the advent of winter, or the sudden stop to my developing nervous breakdown that has made me so seriously horny nowadays. Of course this question can not be answered and is better left alone. One of my idiot friends at work thinks it is because of my excessive intake of eggs. I mean, how the fuck does three eggs a day make me horny. If it is really all that frikking potent I will just take a jug of eggs and cram it down OC’s throat and lie naked in front of him. Of course his manager will object to such behaviour in the office. For those of you wondering about this, OC is definitely my lust for the time being. He has been for about six to eight months. And I so pretty fucking sure that he is gay. I think ill make a move on him. Wish me luck and intact organs for tomorrow.

And then there is this other guy. He is on the floor below mine. Medium Height, Goatee, Bald, Bushy Eyebrows, seemingly quite hairy and a very ectomorphic build with no extra pounds anywhere. I think I am in love with him. Hmmmm, so how do I go and introduce myself to him and then eventually tell him that my car is a wonderful place to travel around in Karachi and get lost in dark alleys. Again, wish me luck and intact organs for that occasion.

Hmmmmm. It is winter again, and I must apologize for all the testosteone.

Oh, and yes, I absolutely completely adore and love my new car.

Egg eating competition

Saturday – 08 Rajab 1424 – 15 Bhadra 1925 – 06 September 2003 

well here i am am. it is 1211 here. i have been awake since 1120. no breakfast nothing. i have only two rupees in my pocket. which can buy me one candy. or two if i get cheap ones that taste aweful. and i am hungry. there is nothing that can barelu resemble uncooked food. i am at my cousins. he is snoring so loud. i think ill put up a sound energy plant and produce enough energy to light gambia and maybe even senegal.

that said. i am hungry. i love breakfast. i LOVE breakfast. but then again i love lunch and dinner as well. but i love eggs. i have a thing for eggs. it is not only in my mind it has been proven. one day a crooked aunt just to break my pride told me she will make as many eggs as she can and that she will show me that i will stop in the middle of the eggs and not eat as many as i get like i boast.

it was on! i hated her. she disliked me. we had even spread a few rumours about each other in the past. she had called me feminine. she had actually called me feminine!!! i wasnt gonna take that. i had told someone that she didnt pass college but she failed and tells everyone she has passed. :) people bought it. look i am sorry. but i am evil evil person. even in bed. ;)

so well it was less of a competition and more of a WAR. sortof like the situation in india-pakistan cricket matches. since we arent gonig to fight a war inshallah due to the nukes. and since we dont have cricket matches. so when we do have them it is like do or die. but i digress, more about the whole india-pakistan cricket match scenario later on.

now it is about the “egg war” and the “battle of the breakfast area” as i like to call it. well i wont walk you guys through it but lets say. after 13 eggs. i had won :). she was too tired to make any more. and she was also mindful of the expense she had gone through. so lets just say. crooked aunt 17 – jalal 18. ;) ahhhh the spirit of competition. i am a nice person until someone else starts to compete with me. then i turn into an evil maniac.

i have actually hidden/thrown away a guys toothbrush coz he was trying to cut me off in a conversation. well it is not fair. you try talking and someone cutting you off every 2 minutes. once or twice it is ok. but when you realize that someone is trying to sabotage you you get mad. so did i. well more about my violent competitions later on.

and oh yes. remind me to post about the day when my pants were ripped ;)

and something beautiful that i read at crash.

I have always imagined that Paradise will be a kind of library. -Jorge Luis Borges