Archive for insanity

Computers

Day 10,164 – Sunday – 22 Asadha 1930 – 09 Rajab 1429 – 13 July 2008

Disclaimer – As the post progresses there is a marked increase in sex, violent and graphical language. Please proceed at your own responsibility and do not proceed if you are not yet 18 years of age.

This is the first time I am using Pages, which the word processing tool available for Apple, to blog. I have to admit that as a new user of Apple I have to divide the world of computer users into three categories.

The first category is of the users who need to use the computer’s software to the maximum. They need to code in C++ and check if the code works. They need to be incredibly boring on the dinner table, because I don’t want to fucking know that you were able to shorten the code to four lines and now it is using less memory as well as processing power. I have spent four years of my life learning to fucking be an IT guy, and I don’t want to spend one more day at it. Thank you very much.

This category of users will be called the Software utilizers. They need to have a custom built computer with Linux installed on it.

The second category is of the users who need to use the computer’s hardware to the maximum. They need to process video files whilst they play graphics rich computer games. They need to be incredibly boring on the dinner table, because I don’t want to fucking know that you were able to fight off three Zerg rushes before you eventually raided the Zerg camp and destroyed them while the rest of your team could not help you. I have spent years of my life gaming, and I just cannot stand another conversation revolving around computer games any more.

This category of users will be called the Hardware utilizers. They need to have a PC with some version of windows installed on it.

The third category is of the users who need to use the computer’s ability to go basic tasks. They need to check their email, while they listen to music and have a movie on hold in the background. They need to be incredibly boring on the dinner table, because I don’t want to fucking know that you actually learnt that whales are mammals and that your IQ has increased to 70 points. I have spent years of my life dealing with insipid narcissists who have a severe brain deficiencies and I do not want to listen to conversations which push me down the IQ ladder any more.

This category of users will be called the Computer utilizers. They need to have a Mac.

It’s all right. I am not a bad person. I am just vicious and bitter. Also, if I don’t get a whole lot of sex soon, I will be vicious, bitter and perverse. There. Oh, oh, but I am a bed person. I love being in bed. With or without other people.

Wow. If any one of you out there is a psychiatrist, psychologist or just able to assess people, and specifically if you are hot men who will be able to give me love, can you please not email me to tell me that you are insane.

Oh, and yes, whichever one of you searched for “Amazing Gay Sex Karachi” on Google and landed on my blog. Email me now! I need some of that too.

And, I think that if you are a guy, you are not allowed to say fabulous or worst yet – fab. You are not. You are just so not.

See, see, this is what happens. This is what happens to otherwise slightly insane people (read me) when they do not get sex for a very long time. They go stark raving mad! Like me now! Oh My God! I cannot believe I am blogging like this. This is like a fucking scary telephone call when you just cannot hang up because you are stuck in a fucking vicious circle of lies, deceit and self birthing faux pas!

Before I say more. I beg to take to your leave. Good evening and enjoy yourselves. And if you happen to have some good porn quality sex, please do write to me in detail. That seems to be the only sexual intercourse that I will be having in some time.

Sanity

Saturday – 13 Ziqaad 1428 – 03 Agrahayana 1929 – 24 November 2007 

I guess the previous post and then the title of this post should answer everything. Though I have been told in the past there is an inkling of insanity in myself. Of course being said by an ex does reduce the strength of the argument. Specially after I had doused his wallet in a bucket of water, only after he poured ketchup into mine. I didnt start it ok. Get off my case! So, I am not insane. I do get slightly insane of certain occasions though. An example would be today’s lunch when I just could not stop myself from leaning over the table and kissing my colleague. I didnt. But I was nearly about to do it. I am sure it would have either ended in exchange of sexual pleasures or getting pounded into pulp by a very muscular guy. 

I seem to be rambling again. I am better. I am ok. Things are ok. I have been having a bit too detailed discussions with my family. And things are going to work out. Or at least I hope so.

In the meantime I will be welcoming any donations of sex during this stressful period of my life, strictly as a friendly jesture of course. And, if you know anyone else who is gay, is in Karachi and might be in need of any similar needs please dont forget to email me. I love people and would be willing to go out of my way in making sure that mankind is happy and complete with the love of life.

And there is a very small flicker of a barely visible silver lining on this whole cloud of insanity. I have lost a lot of weight and all my pants are loose now. So, I will live longer and I will find it easier to find sex. Who said excessively chronic depression is not a good thing.

Insanity

Sunday – 07 Ziqaad 1428 – 27 Kartika 1929 – 18 November 2007 

All the trials and errors have been completed. And I stand ever so more on the brink of insanity. The extreme level of tension in my mind between the choice of two equally painful paths into my future. Fear of hurting anyone I love. Fear of hurting anyone else. A desire to lead a life of my own choosing. Extreme anger and disgust at not having led a life of my choosing. Feeling stupid at having told me father about being gay. Feeling stupid at having told my mother about being gay. My whole world has been crashing down on me for the past two months. And all I did was to avoid it. As I avoided it with over work for the past four years.

I have started getting up early, getting ready for work in ten minutes, getting to work at eight thirty in the morning and involving myself upto my head with work. So much so that I can not at times even shake hands with people. Not giving myself even two minutes to think about how fucked up my life is. And then coming back home at about twelve, from work. No time to think about anything in my life. For each and every one of the past four weekends I have for all practical purposes hovered on the brink of oblivion. I have actually realized that I may have ventured too far away from sanity on some occasions. As I probably am now. There is only one thing that provides support right now. Typing typing typing typing and typing.

I have been thinking about this so much. And everything I think and I know, I loose. It is like smashing against a cliff. I talked to my sisters and my parents. They still dont understand. My mother still thinks that she is doing a good thing for me. They think that I need to be brought to the true path.

This is not the fucking middle ages. I can not fucking cheat on my wife. All gay men used to get married only because it was socially acceptable for people to sleep around. And they did do that. Now you cant. I can not. Fuck. Fuck. I think my family still has a notion that I need to be brought to the true path. My mother, poor woman with the idiot son who actually did something so stupid to tell her that he is gay, actually started this prayer and then she sprinkles my pillow with water to drive away demons or whatever it is. That is how we handle problems in my family. The previous time I was going through a bad phase, at about the time I started writing this blog, they said that someone has done magic on me and that is why I am being like that. No. Wrong answer. Try to solve the problem medically. Similarly this time. Water sprinkling. What a proper way to solve problems.

I think ill go to sleep. There is no amount of ranting that can satisfy even one iota of my being right now.

Morons

Friday – 24 Jamadi ul Awwal 1424 – 03 Sravana 1925 – 25 July 2003 

first of all i am laughing right now. at my own naivity. when i actually managed to write “so i have managed to write the most psychologically insane post ever in the history of blogging.” so now goes the even insaner(if there is such a word) post.

i have asked the permission of the guy. also try to read it through every line has its own beauty.

msn messenger. immedately after my previous post.

u never Know who will fall in love with u from ur smile says:i see your journal

u never Know who will fall in love with u from ur smile says:ya

u never Know who will fall in love with u from ur smile says:and from that i added u

Jalaluddin Ahmed Khan says:ohk …

Jalaluddin Ahmed Khan says:what did you search for ?

u never Know who will fall in love with u from ur smile says:i saw ur atricle

Jalaluddin Ahmed Khan says:oh …

Jalaluddin Ahmed Khan says:which one ?

Jalaluddin Ahmed Khan says:aool.blogspot.com ?

u never Know who will fall in love with u from ur smile says:ok

u never Know who will fall in love with u from ur smile says:ya

u never Know who will fall in love with u from ur smile says:who u wrote that

Jalaluddin Ahmed Khan says:yep … that is my work

u never Know who will fall in love with u from ur smile says:do u have gaystories

u never Know who will fall in love with u from ur smile says:reall

Jalaluddin Ahmed Khan says:have you even left a comment ?

u never Know who will fall in love with u from ur smile says:thats great

Jalaluddin Ahmed Khan says:no …

Jalaluddin Ahmed Khan says:i dont do that …

Jalaluddin Ahmed Khan says:for that you should find the proper sites

u never Know who will fall in love with u from ur smile says:no but u write little roodly

u never Know who will fall in love with u from ur smile says:likewht

Jalaluddin Ahmed Khan says:?

Jalaluddin Ahmed Khan says:example … what was i rude about ?

u never Know who will fall in love with u from ur smile says:listen

u never Know who will fall in love with u from ur smile says:can u put my article

u never Know who will fall in love with u from ur smile says:on ur site

Jalaluddin Ahmed Khan says:yar …

Jalaluddin Ahmed Khan says:it is a blog

Jalaluddin Ahmed Khan says:it is not a magazine …

Jalaluddin Ahmed Khan says:hey you know what …

Jalaluddin Ahmed Khan says:you should make your own blog

u never Know who will fall in love with u from ur smile says:can u put mines in ur blog

Jalaluddin Ahmed Khan says:no …

Jalaluddin Ahmed Khan says:well

u never Know who will fall in love with u from ur smile says:why

Jalaluddin Ahmed Khan says:a blog is like a diary …

Jalaluddin Ahmed Khan says:do people put other peoples things in their diry ..

Jalaluddin Ahmed Khan says:no …

u never Know who will fall in love with u from ur smile says:aacha u will but ur lover article in ur blog

Jalaluddin Ahmed Khan says:?

Jalaluddin Ahmed Khan says:what ?

u never Know who will fall in love with u from ur smile says:aacha u will but ur lover article in ur blog

Jalaluddin Ahmed Khan says:yar i am sorry i cannot understand what you are trying to say ….

Jalaluddin Ahmed Khan says:oh are you talking about me mentioning you ???

u never Know who will fall in love with u from ur smile says:no

u never Know who will fall in love with u from ur smile says:i mean if ur lover say u to put his article in ur blog will u

Jalaluddin Ahmed Khan says:no

Jalaluddin Ahmed Khan says:i will make him get his own blog …

Jalaluddin Ahmed Khan says:but then again maybe i will …

Jalaluddin Ahmed Khan says:but 99 % i will make him his own blog

u never Know who will fall in love with u from ur smile says: then why not my

u never Know who will fall in love with u from ur smile says:make one for me

Jalaluddin Ahmed Khan says:because you are not my lover ….

Jalaluddin Ahmed Khan says:DUH!

Jalaluddin Ahmed Khan says:ok one thing ..

u never Know who will fall in love with u from ur smile says:wht

Jalaluddin Ahmed Khan says:you want me to mention you in my blog ?

u never Know who will fall in love with u from ur smile says:ya

u never Know who will fall in love with u from ur smile says:sure with my email

Jalaluddin Ahmed Khan says:ahahhaha ok … i will do that …

Jalaluddin Ahmed Khan says:wait ill add a post right now …

u never Know who will fall in love with u from ur smile says:ok

u never Know who will fall in love with u from ur smile says:thanks

Jalaluddin Ahmed Khan says:no problem

Jalaluddin Ahmed Khan says:another thing …

Jalaluddin Ahmed Khan says:yar you can give comments to my posts … and add your email and website to it as well …

u never Know who will fall in love with u from ur smile says:yamohsin

Jalaluddin Ahmed Khan says:ok

ok. i know i am being a bitch posting this. shows a complete lack to etiquette. but i do not think such things happen often. so i am sharing it with you.

and yes. his email address is mohsin807@hotmail.com. please do not harass him.

i am sure he must be one of those who searched for karachi gay sex on google and got my site somewhere in there. since a lot of porn has been banned in pakistan last month. maybe mine is the first site that opens. i actually get about 2 hits a day from such searches. go figure.