Archive for jealousy


Wednesday – 15 Jamadi ul Awwal 1424 – 25 Asadh 1925 – 16 July 2003

the day is going wonderfully. wonderful weather. wonderful aandhi (strong winds, rain, a little dust blowing). in short excellent weather. i go out after such a long time. i roam around the shops and see things and people. it is nice. it is too nice. it is too good to be true. oh dear something is going to happen. something is going to happen. as soon as i realized i am obsessing about something uselessly i stop it. i enjoy the mall. extremely cute guys. well it was nice. then i met a friend. we went to have some tea. suddenly his friend comes along. he is so damned fucking cute i choke on my biscuit and drop dead besides my chair.

the three of us talk a bit. wonderful weather outside. WONDERFUL. cloudy. light rain. cool breeze.(what we call wonderful weather in pakistan is slightly different from america or europe). so we sit around drinking tea. then i notice that the hunk is acting slightly interested. my friend has to go for a bit. i get to talk to the hunk. he was WOW! well we talked for a while. i thought i had met ‘the one’. he was cute and sexy and humorous and smart and educated.

but my happiness was to be squashed. a girl came to our table. she was hot as well. the hunk i was with got up and sat down with her on the sofa. slightly forward behaviour in pakistan. but enough to tell me which two people were interested in each other. and which gay idiot fell for a straight guy who on top of everything was already with a hot girl. we had tea. she was nice as well. but i hate her all the same. then i went home and felt sorry for myself. i am doing this right now by the way.

i am sickened by all this blatant display of heterosexual instincts. specially by men i am interested in.