Archive for Life

Mille

Day 10,384 – Friday – 30 Phalgun 1930 – 22 Rabi ul Awwal 1430 – 21 March 2009

Ok. Ok. Ok.

So, this is the 1,000 th post. I wanted it to be special. Then I got extremely bogged down in work. I realize I am becoming boring now. With age and all. And then I didnt get time to write something nice. Lots of things happened. I wanted to write more. But didnt get even the lesser amount of time. It got bad. Things piled on. Time got shorter. I didnt get time to write. The responsibility got huge. And I couldnt do it. It got more difficult with each passing day.

A very vicious cycle indeed.

So here I break it.

Depression is over. For about three months. Thank God.

Work is amazing and extremely demanding of time and life.

Friends are going insane one after the other.

I am becoming boring and irritable.

Things are great.

I went to a Jyotishi and a Tarot Card reader. They both told me it is a very bad time for me. Should get better soon.

Otherwise things are ok with life.

Havent even had time to date anyone or indulge in internet excapades. That busy. Trust me!

So, here goes, my 1,000th post. So hastily ill written it is not even funny.

Ugh. This is disgusting.

Departure

Day 10,084 – Thursday – 04 Vaisakh 1930 – 17 Rabi us Sani 1429 – 24 April 2008

Life moves on; along all the one million channels known to our conscious being. Work, family, friends, love, home, office, food, music, books, television, movies, society, culture, traditions, religion, activism, freedom, slavery, anger, hatred. All the one million channels through which our existence passes on a daily basis. The threads that define our being human, our being normal, our being what we are as individuals and as members of a larger whole. Enjoying the unpredictable ebb and flow of the tides of our life’s currents we forget life. We walk past new experiences, beautiful feelings and wonderful ideas.

Then, there is the inevitable, the final departure, the ending blow, the advent of the angel of death. That brings all to a stand still and each and every moment is as strong as years. We cherish a commodity that we felt very cheap moments ago. Life.

The presence of death makes life all the more poignant.

My father’s counsin’s husband passed away last night. Great man. Without being involved in my life he made major changes in my life. This makes him my second mentor to leave this world in the past six months. What a loss. My current profession is basically due to him. One day I got a letter to sign. Signing it meant a complete change of profession and work life for the rest of my life. My father called this guy up to ask him for advice. And, he gave one heck of a piece of advise. He was an incredibly successful guy, but more importantly, he was the cause of success of others as well. What else can be asked for?

There were all the usuals. Rushing to the hospital late last night. The Namaz e Janaza when it finally hits you that the loss has taken place. Then the graveyeard. The dust. The graves. The feeling of such peaceful serenity. The final resting place. It is haunting to say the least. More so because one feels a certain bond with the peace and looks forward to the eternal departure. Not proactively, but the setting effects. But the most haunting part is the grave. So true for all of us. It is indeed where we will all go. Such a small place. Forever. Eternity. Cool, moist soil. And at the end of it all, you slide your hands ever so slightly into cool, dry, dusty soil. The fingers grazing the texture of the soil. The soil that you are to become a part of. And then the final throw. A fistful of soil thrown on the grave of a loved one.

The final departure. Such a small act. Such a complete goodbye. Forever.

Life is so precious. Yours, and that of everyone else. Enjoy it, while the tune of life plays. Gather a huge treasure of memories of your loved ones. That is all that will worry you in your final time.

Although I am still sad for his demise. I will not let go of his words. I will live a wonderful life. I will make every bit of my life beautiful, and give everyone else the same advice. Your life is beautiful, make it so.

Mortality

Day 10,030 – Saturday – 22 Safar 1429 – 11 Phalgun 1929 – 01 March 2008

So, for the past couple of weeks, I have been having issues grappling with life, death, mortality, my own life, my mortality. The length of my life. How long I got. How long most people get. How incredibly short seventy years is. Youth. How short youth is. Is my youth over? How much longer will it last? What is the essence of life? How do I know it? How do I get it?

Seemingly, each question, less than eight words, but contemplation material for a lifetime.

The canvas of these questions is so broad that they have been thought of and contemplated and deliberated with such intensity and for so much time that I possibly can not do justice to this topic in a post. But, since it occupies my mind nowadays, I think it is pertinent.

How short life is, and how strongly, as of this moment, I feel that all that life is about is the other humans in my life: family and friends. But, do I loose them? I dont believe in an after life. So, with the last breath of anyone I love, or with my last breath, that bond is broken forever, and all that remains is protons and worms and old clothing that smells like the cologne I used to wear. On the one hand, it pains me to think that the bond is broken and the relationship is over. To me the loss of this treasure of mine is more than my life, the loss of my life will be less of a trajedy than the loss of these relationships. On the other hand, I must cherish each and every moment of my life with them. I must, there is never enough time, and I love them so much. Life is to live.

I have found another reason for being, for feeling alive, for life. The will to explore. Knowledge. Poetry. Literature. Art. Music. Science. Humans. Cities. Countries. I want to explore everything. As much of this immense and complex world that we have. If there is Allah, he has planned this world in a way that none of us would be able to see everything in their lifetime, and hence enjoy each and every bit just as much. Planned for perfection. Maybe that is why life is short, intense and meaningful. Travel gives me a high. Reading poetry gives me a high. On most occasions, my work gives me a high. Life is for living. Too beautiful to live.

The most beautiful things in life are free. The ability to enjoy whatever life may offer. Soldiers in fox holes laugh at jokes. The ability to appreciate beauty. I would consider my life lost if I had not known Faiz. The ability to learn and grow into a greater person. These are free, and we should make as much use of them as possible.

I was slightly shaken from this when my uncle passed away last year. I smsd one of my friends about this, and SAR sent me an sms that brings things into so much perspective, that I consider this email one of my most precious possessions, “Once we perish theres no coming back so dance to the tune of life till the music lasts.”

SAR, I love you man. Have a long and beautiful life. All of you. Have a long (measured by depth, not time) and beautiful life, I can never ask more for any of you.