Archive for Lust

Wedding Food

Day 10,297 – Wednesday – 04 Pausa 1930 – 25 Zilhaj 1429 – 24 December 2008

So, the depression is wearing off. Hours and hours of self therapy and telling myself that I need to calm the fuck down have helped. Of course a lot of gay porn was also good thing for me during this trying time.

On an unrelated note, I went to a wedding yesterday. And the food there was absofuckinglutely amazing. And the adding of the adjective fucking in the previous sentence was required because otherwise the meaning to be conveyed would have been lost.

Huntley Ritter

Day 10,291 – Thursday – 27 Agrahayana 1930 – 19 Zilhaj 1429 – 18 December 2008

Yes, you read it right. That is the topic.

Why do I feel, at least right now, that that is the hottest, most sexiest man alive? And I mean kicking any other man out of bed as compared to this one.

Of course that is with his golden goatee.

God!

Oh, and SAK from work. Is very very cute. Of course not as cute as Huntley Ritter, but very very cute otherwise indeed.

And about my friend; I don’t want to sound like I have a low opinion of myself or have any other self image issues, I am very confident and happy with who and what I am. But I think he is too good for me, I am not worthy of him and dont deserve him. I mean, he is everything one could ask for, and hence, yes, I do think about him at times. He does not know about this. And he does not know about this blog. So he will not find out. But; he is a catch. Just not going to be my catch. Oh, and for me, he is at 0.999 Huntley Ritter.

Cellphone

Day 10,279 – Saturday – 15 Agrahayana 1930 – 07 Zilhaj 1429 – 06 December 2008

A cell phone, like a laptop, is an extension of a person. Much like daggers and horses and shields used to be in an earlier age. And since these gadgets are an extension of one’s personality they are loved and cherished.

On the record, I love my Mac. My mac is closer to me than sex with Val Kilmer. Six times. After that I will loose interest in him and return to the laptop anyways, so there is no need going there.

I just love to see the bright glowing apple logo on my mac at night. It is magical.

But, now, I have started to hate my cellphone. Fuck you Motorola. I am a loyal fucking customer and your phones are fucking crap. My battery dies down very soon. I dont have my fucking phone working for about 25% each day. Fuck you motorola fuck you.

I slept with my mac last night. And it felt good. I preferred the whirring of my laptop next to my pillow rather than the feel of your cold steely sexy body with my hand under the pillow. I hate you!!! I cheated on you and it felt good.

Die bitch!

TV

Day 10,276 – Wednesday – 12 Agrahayana 1930 – 04 Zilhaj 1429 – 03 December 2008

God I love to watch TV shows. During every show, even the ones that I do not like, I get transported into the show. Same goes for movies. And once that happens, I become some sort of another invisible character on the show. And then I get involved with the show.

And then, I get crushes on all the men in the show, and then I feel sorry for not being able to sleep with them, so I start hating all the women. Then the women get dumped and they go completely destroyed so I start pitying them.

And I love the shows.

God! I need love in my life.

Computers

Day 10,164 – Sunday – 22 Asadha 1930 – 09 Rajab 1429 – 13 July 2008

Disclaimer – As the post progresses there is a marked increase in sex, violent and graphical language. Please proceed at your own responsibility and do not proceed if you are not yet 18 years of age.

This is the first time I am using Pages, which the word processing tool available for Apple, to blog. I have to admit that as a new user of Apple I have to divide the world of computer users into three categories.

The first category is of the users who need to use the computer’s software to the maximum. They need to code in C++ and check if the code works. They need to be incredibly boring on the dinner table, because I don’t want to fucking know that you were able to shorten the code to four lines and now it is using less memory as well as processing power. I have spent four years of my life learning to fucking be an IT guy, and I don’t want to spend one more day at it. Thank you very much.

This category of users will be called the Software utilizers. They need to have a custom built computer with Linux installed on it.

The second category is of the users who need to use the computer’s hardware to the maximum. They need to process video files whilst they play graphics rich computer games. They need to be incredibly boring on the dinner table, because I don’t want to fucking know that you were able to fight off three Zerg rushes before you eventually raided the Zerg camp and destroyed them while the rest of your team could not help you. I have spent years of my life gaming, and I just cannot stand another conversation revolving around computer games any more.

This category of users will be called the Hardware utilizers. They need to have a PC with some version of windows installed on it.

The third category is of the users who need to use the computer’s ability to go basic tasks. They need to check their email, while they listen to music and have a movie on hold in the background. They need to be incredibly boring on the dinner table, because I don’t want to fucking know that you actually learnt that whales are mammals and that your IQ has increased to 70 points. I have spent years of my life dealing with insipid narcissists who have a severe brain deficiencies and I do not want to listen to conversations which push me down the IQ ladder any more.

This category of users will be called the Computer utilizers. They need to have a Mac.

It’s all right. I am not a bad person. I am just vicious and bitter. Also, if I don’t get a whole lot of sex soon, I will be vicious, bitter and perverse. There. Oh, oh, but I am a bed person. I love being in bed. With or without other people.

Wow. If any one of you out there is a psychiatrist, psychologist or just able to assess people, and specifically if you are hot men who will be able to give me love, can you please not email me to tell me that you are insane.

Oh, and yes, whichever one of you searched for “Amazing Gay Sex Karachi” on Google and landed on my blog. Email me now! I need some of that too.

And, I think that if you are a guy, you are not allowed to say fabulous or worst yet – fab. You are not. You are just so not.

See, see, this is what happens. This is what happens to otherwise slightly insane people (read me) when they do not get sex for a very long time. They go stark raving mad! Like me now! Oh My God! I cannot believe I am blogging like this. This is like a fucking scary telephone call when you just cannot hang up because you are stuck in a fucking vicious circle of lies, deceit and self birthing faux pas!

Before I say more. I beg to take to your leave. Good evening and enjoy yourselves. And if you happen to have some good porn quality sex, please do write to me in detail. That seems to be the only sexual intercourse that I will be having in some time.

Issues

Day 10,164 – Sunday – 22 Asadha 1930 – 09 Rajab 1429 – 13 July 2008

The problem with meeting too many people for eventual sexual purposes is that one gets to listen to too many things that one does not want to listen to.

I, for one, have had the pleasure of being rejected too many times for the reasons that I am fat, that I am ugly and that I have a small dick in the past two weeks that it is not even humorous any more, rather it is concerning and depressing. With all these faults, I can only thank God that I did indeed get all the sex that I have gotten to date.

Thank you Lord for the sex that you provide.

And yes, I am blogging from my new MacBook. Very very difficult shifting from Windows/PC to X/Mac. But amazing. Will start blogging more often from here.

Lust

Day 10,153 – Wednesday – 11 Asadha 1930 – 27 Jamadi us Sani 1429 – 02 July 2008

Another sexually graphic email also pertaining to homosexuality. Please ignore if this thing makes you uncomfortable and if you are not 18 yet.

I was going on a blind pre fuck screening date thing with this guy in the afternoon. And he turned out to be an absolute moron. While I was sitting there, listening to him go on and on about how good he is in bed, I was thinking about the following. If my average IQ is 167 and my weight is 90kgs. And I get to sleep with him. And his weight is 80kgs. And his IQ is obviously less than 10. Than the average iq of the fuck session on my bed would be lower than 90. I just can not put my bed up for ridicule and damnation is such a situation. So, guys, if you IQ is below 33. We are not having sex.

Sorry.

And, I really do not like Sex and the City. Does this mean I am gay? Or not?

Oh and yes, noone is allowed to have romantic/psychological/emotional issues before vital organs are touched. If I havent touched your penis, kissed your lips or played with you ass yet, you can not call me up and tell me that I am not giving you all the time that you need.

Bitch Boobies

Day 10,148 – Friday – 06 Asadha 1930 – 22 Jamadi us Sani 1429 – 27 June 2008

I was watching TV and about half an hour ago there appeared on screen a woman who had huge and beautiful breasts. And I mean, perfectly semi circular(spherical), large, ample, supple and absolutely amazing. I would like to apologize to all of my str8 friends for not finding out her name so that all of you could also have enjoyed checking her out online. But sorry. Instead of trying to bring beauty into your lives, I was thinking about what she would look like if she had bitch boobies. I have just concocted the term Bitch Boobies. That is boobies like a bitch. Multiple boobies. I was visualizing the chick with about six boobies. All over her chest and stomach. I think this prooves that I do have the ability to think ever so differently from the rest of my race. But, I think with six boobies, all the more for you boys! Carmen Electra; enjoy?!

I was watching a very song released by Shiraz Uppal. And, despite knowing that you will all judge me and hate me for saying something so seriously disturbingly shocking. But, I think he is very very very hot. And since I do have quite a bit of command over the English Language I will refrain from converting my train of thoughs and consciousness when I saw him to words on this blog. It just might be too much for my readers. And my own conscience when I read it later on

 

Travel

Day 10,126 – Thursday – 15 Jyaistha 1930 – 30 Jamadi ul Awwal 1429 – 05 June 2008

The world is much much larger than me and my friend AI wanted, or would have liked, it to be today. We want to go for a week long break somewhere. Anywhere. So, like all hot blooded, brain dead idiots we decided to talk to our different travel agents. Mine in Karachi. His in Dubai. And like the innocent vulture spawn that travel agents are, they decided to fleece us of all our money and then slaughter us and finally sell us for parts. I had a list of 29 locations, AI had a list of 12 locations and all in all we had a list of 36 location that we can go to. Decisions are difficult with so much choice. So we narrowed it down to Istanbul, Sri Lanka and Maldives. Lets see what AI says tomorrow. I want to go to Istanbul.

Amongst the three, the only explanation that I can give for going to Istanbul is, for want of a better word – Phallic. Yes, like all other men out there, I too think with my dick. As is the case. And as it should be. And as I like my men. Women do not like it. They do not agree with it. But, for men, there is one thing. Breeding. And that is it. So Sri Lankans and Maldivans dont do it as much for me as Turks. And as Turkey is open Homosexually and there are clubs and stuff. I am getting too far ahead of myself. Of course, the one week will be a drunken haze of walking through bazaars, going to clubs of the “G” kind as my friend A from Lahore likes to call it, and of course enjoying the beautiful city.

Oh and yes, whichever one of you readers was searching for “gay love in karachi” and landed on my blog. Please, please, please, send me an email. Now.

Madness

Day 10,102 – Monday – 22 Vaisakh 1930 – 06 Jamadi ul Awwal 1429 – 12 May 2008

What utter, absolute, insane, useless madness! Why the hell do I get a proposition of the softer kind from a woman every fortnight. Why? I shall pen my reply for the coming generations to read. No, I do not want to sleep with you. No, I do not want to fall in love with you. No, I do not want to marry you. And no, I do not want to spend the rest of my life fathering your children. Thank you very much. I would rather have sex with OC from work, if only I had the courage to go upto him and he turns out to be gay, and if he is interested in sex, and if he is interested in me and we are able to find a suitable setting that will allow sex. And now that I have shown you all how seriously I feel about being propositioned by women I think I will still be able to marry a lesbian. Insane, you say? Yes, I reply.

Longish story shortish, doesnt make sense, but I went out for dinner with FF. Now she is a very close friend of a very close friend. And for some reason she thinks that the dinner was not a dinner. She thinks it was a “Dinner Thing”. I will give my listing of engagements below, but till such time, a dinner thing with FF is not a good thing. I can do dinner things with men, with whome there are possibilities, but with women it is just disturbing. As is all the incessant chatter about feelings and emotions. For Goodnesses sake, if I had feelings and emotions I would be menstruating right now.

So, I have no idea what to tell FF. She is expecting something, a call or another dinner or something. And here I am fuck scared of what to do. Maybe I am becoming a normal man, fear of commitment, not calling up women you meet up. Etc. Etc. But, all the same, I cant tell her I am gay, so I need an excuse.

Ladies? Your help required. Which is the best possible excuse?

Another thing, since my engagement has fallen apart and I was uncereminiously dumped by Dr Sahab after having fallen in love with him, women just cant get enough of me. I tell them that even though I didnt like my fiance I was ready to do it for the sake of family honour and she still dumped me, I can see the expression in their eyes stating firmly that my fiance was an idiot and I am God. Of course when I talked about Dr Sahab (converted into a female of course) and the fact that I fell in love with him (her sic?); the eyes, the eyes of the women I tell this to; their eyes become mellow and soft and pink. I can not explain. It is as if in their personal list of human beings I have climbed up twenty billion rungs of the ladder of humanity.

Ah, to be able to manipulate. I love it!