Archive for marriage

Touring

Sunday – 09 Safar 1429 – 28 Magha 1929 – 17 February 2008

Well, the recent writers block has been violently overturned due to personal, official and political developments.

After the sad demise of my extremely disfunctional and painful engagement, I have been free to partake of the bounties of the world. Despite the psychosis, depression, hyperexcitement, body image issues, obesity and of course the abject fear of meeting complete strangers who might end up killing or looting me I have managed to garner a reasonable love life for myself. Let us not jump any guns. I am not romantically inclined towards anyone right now. Though I have managed to get one or two dates a week for the past one month. And of course, that is quite exciting to start off with. So, I am back in the game.

Gentlemen – Send your applications at my email address. The ability to communicate in human languages, a good sense of humour and of course being sexually attractive will definitely be a plus.

Ladies – If you are of the homosexual inclination and want nothing more than to marry a man who will understand you and has been voted the best-husband-to-be by a group of seven women please send your applications at my email address. A good sense of humour, a proper education and of course the ability to bear offspring who will beat off all the other competitors and hunt the largest prey will be a plus.

On the official front, I was recently sent on a Pan Pakistan training, fact finding and team building tour. Hyderabad, Quetta, Multan, Faisalabad, Lahore, Sialkot, Islamabad and Peshawar. After four flights and seven bus rides over a period of two weeks I have ended up meeting about two hundred colleagues from across the length and breadth of the country. It went very well, I saw more of Pakistan in a two week period than I could ever have in such a short time span. The eve of elections, the sexually charged winters and the mad dash to the next station all added to the overall excitement of an endeavour as insane as I am as a person. After this sentence I can see my English teacher standing behind my shoulders with a cane in her hand. “Propositions, preposition!, PREPOSITION!!!, use them, and stop writing like a dawdly”. I have no idea what a “dawdly” is, but I do not want to be one. I digress, the trip went well. All work and no play.

But, alive to my reputation of having dirty eyes, I present to you a ranking of men from cities across Pakistan, using the following factors – masculinity, beauty, wit, humour, finesse, class and of course added weightage for the first two purely physical factors. Please keep this handy, you will never in your whole life come across a list as interesting as this. Or the previous one, where I counted how much traffic passes in front of the City Court in the evening by hour.

1 – Karachi
2 – Islamabad
3 – Peshawar
4 – Lahore
5 – Quetta
6 – Sialkot
7 – Faisalabad
8 – Hyderabad
9 – Multan

Or course visiting nearly the whole country right before the elections has made me fairly clear about how the election will turn out.

Block

Sunday – 17 Muharram 1429 – 07 Magha 1929 – 27 January 2008

Needless to say, I am suffering from a writers block. I dont know what to write, when to write it and how to write it. Needless to say, difficult.

One good thing has happened, my activity level at work has gone up 267.8734528%. My work has just become a lot more active and hectic. I miss lunch every other day and notice this at about five. At the same time, my work hours have increased by an hour or so daily to about a nine to nine. Good. And, I have ended up realizing that this is the pace of work that makes me feel alive and vibrant. I feel like one of the more dangerous workaholics. Because if I dont get this much work, I feel like life is a slow waste. If there are any shrinks reading this, please name this Jalal syndrome. Dont mean to sound unbelivably self centred, but, I think I am the only one with this thing.

Another good thing that has happened recently is that my engagement is finally over. And I dont have to marry her. It is very very good because neither one of us would have been happy with the other. She was a good person, but life with her is inconcievable. Good that that is over. And now for the fear that if she actually reads this blog. She is going to kick my ass.

Another good thing that has happened recently is that I have started to loose weight. Not because of exercise, not because of diet control, and not because of any major illness that would make me irritable and ill behaved even more than I actually am. It is because of a more controlled life. I have changed my eating habits. I eat more eggs and meat now. All protein, good to taste, good for the fatty collections of my posterior. I run up and down the stairs at work like a schoolboy skipping after an overdose of candy. And of course, since I am happy at work, I get to keep more active. And of course, one of my friends say that it is the increased sexual stimulation of my life, but I think he is just a stupid bitch.

Another thing that is going on is that I have finally decided to behave like a normal human being and apply for a University outside Pakistan or find a good Scholarship outside Pakistan for my Masters. Good Plan. Need to study for the TOEFL, GRE and then the GMAT.

Damn it! And I thought I had writers block.

Oh, and yes, can someone find me a good job in one of the following cities,

New York, London, Paris, and Istanbul.

Renascence

Monday – 18 Ramazan 1428 – 09 Asvina 1929 – 01 October 2007

Ok, so, I am back. Same fucking stupid old me. Hiding behind a barrage of moronic jokes, embarrasing aphorisms, terse diatribes and subtle satires. And of course add a smidgen of sarcasm, vice, stupidity, psychosis and a whole lotta Jalal and we are back to normal. No more psychological breakdowns over why I am a pansy and why won’t my family accept me as a flower or fruit or whatever it is that you people are calling it nowadays. I will not sulk. I absolutely refuse to sulk and live in a vegetative state gaining weight and feeling sorry for not having ever the liberty to live like I want. I will live life to its fullest. Starting from now. After I watch Transformers that it.

Even though I am engaged and will be getting married in the summers next year and will start to have kids “as soon as naturally possible” and have as many kids as our limbs can hold, I feel a very strong overpowering urge to keep a pet. Something strong and manly yet docile. So it is like da mayn. But, I am it’s lord. Oh dear, I have gone too far havent I. Yes, yes, I know I need to go hunting or have a fist fight on a road or something because my innate latent violence hormones are raging in my blood right now. And, as per past definitions of yours truly I am completely against violence. I think I need to be spanked properly tonight.

Oh, and yes, this is just so seriously not about Transformers. I mean, the stupid high school guy, the brain less army guy and of course Optimus Prime. None of them was cute enough to grab my attention to the screen. Of course the story line of a movie like that can not be better for the brain than lets say eating shredded plastic strips can be for your stomach. And, oh, my, fucking, God, those stupid fucking brain dead imbecile comments like “There is more to them that meets the eye”, “why are you here” and “what do you want” with the fucking camera giving close ups of the actors who are bathed in sunlight as if they have asked something important. You stupid fucks. I used to think about more profound things when I used to contemplate my vomit at age 3. Who the fuck wrote the script for you. Can you please ask him to read my blog: in a rating of proper English, depth of thought, profoundity and ability to communicate properly it ranks 12,883,789,783,838,239,283 amongst all English documents produced to date including scribbles from first graders and sentences spelled out by animals running on snow while pissing. And, it’s writer thinks that your writer sucks like a baby calf about to die of thirst.

The action scenes were very good, but they were too fast. I am sure I would get a better rush if I can see something move rather than see hunks of metal flap about faster than I can move. I mean, have you ever seen women flick their eyes at men. Eyes can move fast! But if I can’t keep up with Optimus Fucking Prime being smashed across my screen, there is something seriously wrong with how the movie is thought out. And for God’s sake can you put in some sort of a hot guy and a hot girl and make them show a little bit of skin so people dont just get up and walk out of your movie. Morons. But, all in all, I think I found the guy’s car robot quite attractive. Does this make me weird?

Wow! I feel so much better now.

Relatives

Wednesday – 07 Jamadi us Sani 1424 – 15 Sravana 1925 – 06 August 2003   

ohhhh such a wonderful day. i went to meet some relatives today. my grandfathers uncle and aunt. their children. and their children. some on them over from the us for the summers. some from the uk. and some from australia. it was wonderful. meeting relatives that you dont meet so often. specially when they are such nice people.

it was wonderful. i was the only guy there in his mid 20s. rest were about 3 girls in their teens. and about 10 kids. :). and also 5 old people. and 2 VERY old people. so i was the centre of attention. you know. the young people. who are the life of the gathering. with their jokes an puns and all. wow. i felt wonderful. it was very nice. the auntie from london was wonderful. so funny. i liked her immediately. she is like one of those wonderful aunties at family gatherings who everyone else sortof hovers around.

well it was a small house. not a mansion or a palace. but it was nice. we were all sitting on the second floor. there is this small terrace. with a fan. a wonderful breeze. two ‘charpais’. it is so wonderful when you sortof have to sit in a space that is not large enough. but it is breezy and windy and cheerful. and you all are having so much fun.

the women are all gossiping. the men are trying not to get bored to death. i love a good gossip now and then. “oh did you hear ….”. and then there is the “you know XYZ … she is always like that”. always the “you know … my inlaws”(HUGE EYE ROLL) understanding nod form everyone else a few hmmms and yeas. and then there is the “you know … my sons/daughters inlaws”(HUGER EYE ROLL) understanding nod form everyone else a few hmmms and yeas and sometimes even a “those people”.

and in such scenarios there is always a discussion on religion. when everyone tries to tell each other what to do. everyone accepts what everyone else says. everyone adds to the general amount of dos and donts. oh dont eat non-halal meat. do read this prayer 15 times in the morning. oh XYZ in haram you cant do that. but CDEFG is considered a very good act. oh did you know i heard ABC say XYZ.

well since i am not religious i dont know such stuff. but i keep a small library for such occasions. well i told the most things. they were all VERY liberal things. but the others managed to accept them. i was instant hit. i guy who is funny and nice. as well as religious. and just the right age to get hitched. many older women talked to my mom about getting me married. most marriages in pakistan are arranged. so you can well imagine. all i could say was “(NERVOUS) ehehehe not until i am 28”

all in all it was a wonderful evening. nothing like meeting a lot of relatives after some time. and sitting out in the open air. fans and charpais and tables. lots to eat and lots to talk about. it was a wonderful evening.

Search

Sunday – 12 Jamadi ul Awwal 1424 – 22 Asadh 1925 – 13 July 2003

i live in a city with 11 million other people. doing the math there should be a lot of people who can be my boyfriend. but i havent found one. man. well gay life here is a little subdued. so i meet people over the net. over the net there are two catagories of men. those who are pigs and those who i dont like. well that said let me proceed.

usually every conversation starts with a person being reasonable and normal. then with time you think maybe this is a decent human being. but you end up saying no. everyone wants to meet after the first chat or conversation. and i want to tell them to take it slow. but no. they want to meet and have sex after the first interaction. so these are the kind of people who are basically looking for sex than a relationship. man this sux. then there are the people who are nice and normal. but no spark. actually when i realize that i dont like someone. they usually turn out to be decent reasonable human beings. all this sux man. it is very hard coping with this. in a city of 11 million there has got to be someone. but i havent found him yet. maybe i will maybe i wont. but comeon a guys gotta have what a guys gotta have. well maybe i am just overreacting after an irc chat last night. i really liked the guy. one of the few who i actually liked. but he ends up asking to meet me. i tell him with time. and hes like. he has to have sex. and i am tell him that he is a pig. then he tells me to fuck off and leaves. and i am left sitting on the chair thinking. what an asshole. well that is past me. i wont think about that again.

another thing that nearly scared me to death yesterday. while i was writing my previous post. my sister sortof crept up on me. she is very young and probably didnt read anything. she just wanted to scare me. and WHOA she did that. my family doesnt know i am gay. well they would have found out if she read the post. well thank god she didnt. i am going to be more careful from now on.

also there is suddenly this pressure on me for getting married and settling down. i dont know what to do. completely stuck. well ill keep you guys posted about how it works out. what excuses i use to keep my marriage away. and what not. i hate this. why cant people just be allowed to be gay if they are gay. why does society have to put so many limitations on us.