Archive for nostalgia
Day 10,174 – Wednesday – 01 Sravana 1930 – 19 Rajab 1429 – 23 July 2008
The title can be broken up as; bizarre is weird; defi is lack of; connect is connection to; outre is outer; earth is world. Hence weird lack of connection to the outer world.
Since this morning I am feeling an absolute disconnect between myself and the rest of the world. It can not be verbalized easily. I feel as if everything in the world outside me has changed. As if I am in a different dimension and something has changed. I feel the same about myself, but something or rather everything outside me has changed. I have had this very same feeling on two occasions before this.
The first one and the most vivid and strong one was during my university. I woke up, went back to my university after a two week break. And I felt completely out of sync with whatever was going on there. Completely, as if I have changed completely and each one of my relationships with people and each one of my relationships with objects have changed completely. As if millennia have passed for me but not for anything else. Do I feel emotionally attached to anything else any longer? I now feel as if I didnt. I had to build all of my earlier relationships with people as well as objects again.
Same thing happened to me about two years ago. Again, I sleep in my world, my dimension, but when I wake up, I am in another world. Exactly similar, yet completely changed. But this one was very mild, but noticeable since I had been through it once. If I hadnt been through it, I am sure I would have noticed this one as well, it was that strong.
And this is the third one. Milder still. Yet still noticeable. A weird and strange feeling. Do not know and can not explain.
Do other people have this feeling as well? Or not? God! Am I really going insane. I have to go watch some porn and see if at least some of my relationships maintain their importance and depth.
PS – Yes they do ;) I have been cured.
Tuesday – 04 Rajab 1424 – 11 Bhadra 1925 – 02 September 2003
hmmmmm. after saying that i hate it when i have to live without the internet i will proceed. and for about 4-5 days as well.
large cities like karachi are a world in thier own. their own accents. their own rhythms. their own flavour. and their own city. well i love being a part of this thing. also cities in south asia are generally very volatile and violence prone. maybe due to the harsh weather and the general tension infested life that we lead.
news spreads slowly in the city. rumours spread fast. yesterday two men from a major political party were shot dead in the city. rumours started flying immediately about rioting, arson and generally violence. when i went for a drive today i could see the traffic move faster and more desprately trying to avoid major chorangis(intersection). the first clue to something being wrong. then i heard the news about the two men.
karachi is a city that lives. it breathes. it moves. it awakens and it sleeps. there is complete rhythm to it. and small incidents cause it to become ill like any person may. i love this city. its people. its ways. its colours. its moves. hmmmmm. i think i am being too wierd right now. but that is me. wierd and sensitive.
and in other news. i heard a song yesterday. streets of philadelphia by bruch springstein. a friend of mine in college loved this song. as soon as i heard it severe nostalgia for my college life flooded in. encompassing me. all that was left. was me. the faces of my friends in college. their voices and their words. it is SEVERE nostalgia.
oh what a bitter sweet feeling. nostalgia. it feels so good. but it hurts so bad. nostalgia. ahhhhhhhhhh. what beautiful things people go through in their daily lives. nostalgia being one of them. i can still hear that friend of mine laughing and looking at me in that particular signature laugh of his. face slightly tilted. lip slightly curled. eyes half open due to the effect of the song. i will never forgot this. ahhhhhhhhhh nostalgia. what beauty lies in it.
Monday – 27 Jamadi ul Awwal 1424 – 06 Sravana 1925 – 28 July 2003
well brace yourself because this will be a long long post.
i come over to my cousins house last night. needed to get out of the house for a day or two. well so here i am all alone. he went to his college in the morning.
the computer is in front of me. the window is on my left. it is cloudy. overcast with uniform gray clouds. it is raining. there are a lot of thunder. not the shrieking type. the low rumbling type of thunder. there is a cool humid breeze blowing.
the tree right infront of the window is so wet. its leaves are dancing with every drop of rain that falls on them. rain water from the roofs of nearby houses is falling on the street and making a splashing noise. i can hear a mynah bird. with its cooOOO cooOOO. i can hear a sparrow with its chirp chirp.
oh so wonderful i am completely into this weather. it is so wonderful.
i have my favourite music playing. ghazals. and i have been like this for the last 2 hours. now playing ‘jab us zulf ki baat chali’ sung by mehdi hasan.
but there is one thing wrong here. i am alone. i wish if someone was here with me. well i wish if A was here. well i havent chatted with him for the last two days. although i have sent him emails. well i still hope he was here with me. it is cuh romantic weather. oooooooooo. wow lovely ghazal. now playing ‘aa keh sajjada nasheen kaisay hua merya baad’ sung by mehdi hasan.
chaak karna hay ishi gham say girayban e kafan
kon kholay ga teray band e qaba meray baad
i am just feeling so romantic and adventurous today. i dont know why but i think it is the weather and the music. i know that the weather and music have always had a very big effect on me. so is this day here.
i have been reading a lot of blogs lately. looking into peoples lives. looking at what they share. thinking about what they do not share. it is a fascinating world out there. it has so much to see and feel. reading blogs from pakistan to see what people are doing in my country. reading blogs from the world over to see what people are doing and seeing and feeling and thinking in the rest of the world.
it is a wonderful thing. bringing people closer. making them understand each other. with time the artificial lines made by government across the globe will get dimmer and dimmer. we will finally be able to understand each other better. we will finally be able to live like human and not territorial animals.
during the monsoon season (the one we are going through) people bathe in the rain. it is a nice temprature. not hot nor cold. but slightly warmish coolish. the perfect temprature. you do not feel it to be cold despite the wind. you do not feel it to be hot despite the temprature otherwise.
right now. about 5-10 children are bathing in the rain. runnig around. splashing water. jumping in the small puddles. singing songs that children sing during the rain. i remember all of this. i used to do it too. its the same street. the puddles are in the same places. the songs are the same. the houses are the same.
yadish ba khair (oh sweet memory … signifying a deep sense of nostalgia)
well now it is the perfect combination. excellent weather. excellent music. and i am feeling romantic and nostalgic. what more can one want. it is the state of blissful nirvana.
oooooooo. another mehdi hasan classic. this music is giving me an orgasm. baat karni mujhe mushkil kabhi aisay to na thee. jaisi ab hay teri mehfil kabhi aisay to na thee. uffffffffffffff.
i heard that mehdi hasan is in canada. he is undergoing medical treatment there. he is on his last breaths. it is so unfortunate. that a man of his calibre. the shahinshah of ghazal (emperor of ghazal) is dying.
his magical voice enchanted millions for decades. his grasp of music plucked the strings of millions of hearts all over the world. his alaap would send shivers of delight through millions of souls. his voice was an instrument in itself. it was the most beautiful of the instruments. he has the voice that will be remembered in legend all over south asia for ages. along with amir khusrau and tansen.
oh the rain is getting heavier all of a sudden. the children start shrieking with joy. heavier still. heavier still. WHOA WHOA WHOA. wow it is REALLY raining now. i better publish my blog before the power gets cut off and i lose it.