Archive for prejudices

Prejudicial Weekend

Monday – 22 Ziqaad 1428 – 12 Agrahayana 1929 – 03 December 2007 

It is a truth well established that all respectable and able human beings will delve into the deepest depths of bigotry and personal prejudices on any available opportunity. I must add, I too adore bigotry, prejudices and general rage against other humans. If not that then at least it makes life and boring weekends a lot more worthwhile than usual. My most favourite is an Urdu term that is (تعصب) which would translate to something like very strong and deeprooted bigotry.

This weekend like so many others before it came with the usual fear of having to spend inordinately long periods of time without any major human company as I have been used to. Working in an office which is forever at the brink of mass chaos and supports a life faster than that for which humans have developed over eons I can not spend time alone. Something has to be there to punctuate each and every one of my waking moments. Unfortunately weekends present a problem. So, I prefer to spend time doing too many things and end up having weekends that are more stressful than working weekdays. Good.

So, the weekend was going fine on Saturday. Little did I know that it would get turned into a hell fest with a big ugly woman beating me with leather tongs. Remember I am gay. Being beated by an ugly woman is not my idea of hot fiery love.

I went to a family function, and one of my relatives forgets the way to the place. In a moment of divine retribution they call me for directions. The first thing I am told is that they have just taken a left on a major landmark. What the fuck is that supposed to mean. There are four fucking roads, and there is a left on every fucking one of them. And then they tell me stuff like, “we dont know which road we are on, but we are passing house no 73/1”. All the nerves and veins in my brain popped. I could hear them. Some people present said that they felt that a scream has emanated from the depths of the earth and destroyed the eternal aura worn by our planet, the mother earth. I hate idiots. And telling people how to navigate in a city when they have no fucking idea how to do it can lead one to poke their fingers into their nostrils and hope that their brain will get punctured and they will die immediately and not face the conversation any more.

As if that wasnt enough, I got late for my friend NA’s wedding. Idiot. He had gotten a facial or something and hence was glowing like a light bulb. Idiot. I mean, it is ok to do it a bit, but there are limits. If you are glowing brightly enough to blind your guests and other creatures like bats and dolphins then please get yourself checked up. And to think that I had a crush on him till Friday.

Then on Sunday, we all had to go for a Dance Practice / Dholki at a friend’s. I am such a bad dancer. Actually this time it was actually acknowledged by everyone that I am a bad dancer. I feel much better now that everyone knows this. Yes, I know, even my shrink agrees that I have issues that he can not help me with and I need to work on then, and if my English teacher were here she would definitely have an issue with the length and structure of this sentence, but basically fuck off and bite me and call me Judy while you spank me red and blue.

And to top it all off, I have learnt why I hate Canada. It is where fucking MUH (a friend of mine) is from. So, that is what is actually wrong with Canada. Eh!

Odyssey

Friday – 17 Jamadi ul Awwal 1424 – 27 Asadh 1925 – 18 July 2003

100 point odyssey through my life. no particular order. CAUTION : proceed at your own risk.

001 – i am an idiot to think that any of you will like to read this list here. but i am posting it all the same because like i said i am an idiot.

002 – like old nostalgic songs on tv

003 – like to listen to south asian classical music (raagas for those who dont know what i am talking about)

004 – my friends and our friendship is very important for me

005 – use english spellings rather than american spellings

006 – like the sound of azaan for maghrib

007 – my fake sex buddy is david fumero

008 – like to listen to ghazals

009 – people who follow soap operas for more than 3 years should be relocated and not allowed to see that soap any more

010 – have fallen in love once and fallen out of it as well (after being dumped)

011 – the college majors that i wanted to do at some time in my life included architecture, history and urdu

012 – often say ‘aray!’ and also ‘oh my god!’

013 – favourite character on the tv serial friends is phoebe, frasier is niels, everybody loves raymond is deborah

014 – dislike violence and war

015 – like pictures of beaches in latin american countries (wow they are a HOT people)

016 – for me the biggest turn on is a ‘man’ (masculine and wild)

017 – for me the biggest turn off is if someone uses a linguistically incorrect sentence or if they talk in a bad accent (no hard and fast rules. i decide which accent is good or bad)

018 – i seriously dislike if someone uses wrong grammar in urdu or english

019 – i seriously dislike if someone uses wrong pronunciation in urdu or english

020 – i seriously dislike if someone has a bad accent (bad by my standards not any specific standard)

021 – very attracted to policemen. specially uniformed policemen from america and europe

022 – i can understand written french, farsi and arabi crudely

023 – like to watch satellite images and aerial images of the earth and different parts of it (yes you are right. i am a big big freak)

023 – humour i like. satire or wit? satire.

025 – favourite modern time and place combinations. paris under the sun king. dehli under shah jahan. vienna at the time of mozart. london under queen victoria. berlin 1938ad. new york now. karachi now. (i also fantasize a lot about these)

026 – favourite english tv shows are friends, everybody loves raymond, frasier, drew carey show, sex and the city, 3rd rock from the sun, star trek (next generation, original, enterprise)

027 – when i went to the us i used to sit besides a lake a lot. the lake and its beaches were private property but noone lived on this side of the lake. i used to go in because i wouldnt be intruding on anyone. i was caught trespassing by a cop. i have this thing about cops and i had this huge thing about him at that time. to save myself from trouble i had to act as if i cant speak english at all. he checked my passport and let me go. of course i couldnt ask him out. i am such an idiot.

028 – favourite job would be that where i get to live in many different cities and countries all over the world

029 – currently unemployed and looking for a job (this might change from 21-07-2003)

030 – dislike bigotry and intolerance (by the way i am told that i am a bigot)

031 – mehdi hasan is my all time favourite composer, musician and singer. he has the best voice of all humans that sing. (he is capable of giving me an orgasm just by his music)

032 – my fake boyfriend is colin farell

033 – birthday is on the 15th of september (i wonder why they dont call it ides of september)

034 – ethnic background is south asian sub group pakistani sub group urdu speaking sub group up-ite sub group yousufzai pathan

035 – dont have any tatoos yet. but i am thinking about getting one (at times it is a turn on at times it isnt )

036 – like the following comics bizarro, baby blues, wizard of id, rose is rose, the gambols

037 – favourite foods include haleem, biryani, paay, puloa and nihari (yes i am a glutton)

038 – have had a love affair over the internet with a guy in america from ohio. i know how he likes his eggs. i also know what he wants to name his daughter. i have no contact with him since july 2002 (when he stopped replying to my emails all of a sudden. i dont know if he is ok or not)

039 – have been doused in water 4 times in restauraunts by women. women dont like my male chauvinist pig attitude. i dont have one.

040 – people who think that putting out will ge them love are not completely wrong

041 – interested in history, movies, literature, music, art, news and politcs (no i am not dull in real life also I consider these interests a plus in the man of my choice)

042 – prefer fruit juices over water. water over milk. milk over coke(read carbonated drinks). coke(read carbonated drinks) over nothing

043 – once there was a cold rainy day. i had to go to my room in my university and i got wet due to rain. when i reached the dorm the door was locked. i coudlnt find my key. i needed to pee like hell. i tried to find a loo for half an hour. i was desperate. suddenly. i let all those muscles and ducts and everything free. i stopped trying to stop it. and moment i let go was the most relaxing moment of my life. although i agree it was the most disgusting thing anyone had ever blogged about. but it was the most relaxing moment ever (for those of you who might stop loving me after this please don’t. this was a once in a life time thing. It will never happen again.)

044 – have a bachelors in computer engineering

045 – i am 6 ft tall or about 184 cms tall

046 – there has been only once that i met a guy who was also gay and interested in me. we both liked each other on sight. we went for dinner. it was my first and only date. i was very nervous. to the extent that at one time i spoke without breathing for 15 minutes. we never had any contact after that. i am such an idiotic buffoon.

047 – favourite musicians/composers are mehdi hasan, ravi shanker, bare ghulam ali, eric clapton, beethoven, tchaikovski

048 – dislike wearing suits and ties

049 – of the seven sins my favourite is lust

050 – favourite ancient time and place combinations. memphis under khufu, mohenjodaro 2000bc, persepolis under xerxes, athens under pericles and rome under julius caesar

051 – i am a virgin (no it is not a lie! i am a virgin! i didnt find the right person yet)

052 – spend an immeasurable amount of time on the internet

053 – shortcomings in someone. nagging or stupidity? nagging.

054 – all time favourite newspaper is ‘dawn’ from karachi pakistan (read it daily and love its format and content)

055 – sometimes when you are sitting with friends and someone cracks a very good joke someone on the table might spew all the drink out in a geyser. i once cracked a joke that was so funny that two people sitting opposite each other did it at the same time. giving me a view of two geysers going in opposite directions at the same time. so i am 1 of 9 humans to have seen something like that in the last 10 years.

056 – sports that i play include swimming, cricket and horse riding

057 – dislike narrow minded people

058 – some of the urdu writers that i like are saadat hasan manto, ahmed nadeem qasmi, ibn e insha, bano qudsia

059 – have black eyes

060 – once had a chance to get either my or my best friends grade improved in college. i got his grade improved. never told him.

061 – likes in others. beauty or brains? both

062 – i have two blogs. one for the gay man that i am. one for the straight man that i have to pretend to be

063 – once spent a whole day in my university to find at the end of the day that my jeans were ripped at an awkward location. noone ever jokingly called me a girl in college after that day. even if i said that i like romantic comedies and want to have manicure and pedicures and facials for the rest of my life. believe me i once said that just to check. i wasnt called a girl. i was called effeminate.

064 – some of the urdu poets that i like are ghalib, mir, faiz, momin

065 – favourite weather is overcast with slightly darkish clouds (kaali ghata), mild breeze, light rain and sunlight breaking through the colouds far away

066 – dislike fanatics and fundamentalists

067 – love watching statisics and facts and figures. Love stock quotes and other figures and statistics that keep changing with time

068 – favourite times of the day are dawn(early morning) and dusk(late evening)

069 – honour is more important than money

070 – currently living with family (like all normal pakistanis my age)

071 – zodiac sign is virgo

072 – once got up at 4 am just to help my friend finish a project while he went to sleep till 8am.

073 – once screamed like a girl during an earthquake. after the quake made fun of another friend and “his” scream. everyone still thinks that other guy was the one who screamed (i know i am a devil in disguise)

074 – born in karachi

075 – favourite medieval time and place combinations. venice in its glory. dehli in the time of amir khusrau. samarkand under amir taimur. cordova in 1000ad. baghdad under harun ur rasheed.

076 – current dating status is that i am available and searching for someone right for me (yeah right! who isnt)

077 – like the smell of burning incense

078 – dislike the political right

079 – some of the english books that i liked very much les miserables, passage to india, war and peace, the god of small things, lord of the flies

080 – there is no 80 because there are two 23s.

081 – my fake girlfriend is brooke shields

082 – sometimes, i write poetry in urdu

083 – got my penis stuck in the zipper only once in my life. i was 9 at that time. it wasn’t bad and i was saved a lot of problems

084 – favourite urdu tv dramas waris, tanhaaiyan, aangan terha, chaand girehn

085 – like the smell when the first drops of rain fall on the dry ground (soondhi soondhi mitti ki khushboo)

086 – a girl once asked me to marry her. we didnt know each other well at that time. actually we had just spent less than three days with each other all our lives. i fell down and died. i later learned that she says that often. she uses it instead of fuck off.

087 – college majors that i wish i had taken when i was in college international relations, political science, south asian classical music

088 – prefer to use english dates (ddmmyy) rather than american dates(mmddyy)

089 – once i was buying something from a convenience store. when i went to the payment counter there was another guy there. i was about 17 he was about 25. he was SO SO SO hot. well as i walked upto him he looked at me. i accidentally said ‘wow!’ while looking at him. i said ‘wow!’ while looking at him. he got flustered and left. i never forgot i said ‘wow!’. i am such an idiot.

090 – hair colour is black

091 – love this urdu movie ‘anand’

092 – i would rate money after honour, integrity, honesty, relationships, family, friends and education

093 – like good music

094 – don’t have any piercings and probably wont get any either

095 – once my best friend had to hold a whole sports event. so i helped him for five days in planning and implementing everything in that plan. didnt sleep more than 3 hours on any one of those days. then on the last day i fucked up and forgot to go get the guests. no event that year. sorry S.M.

096 – urdu and english are my first languages. i think in both of them.

097 – favourite international cities to live in would be paris, new york, istanbul, cairo, rome, san francisco in that order

098 – some english movies that i liked very much amadeus, shakespeare in love, contact, an ideal husband, gone with the wind, star trek(all of them), legends of the fall, gandhi, jinnah, the courtesan

099 – really dislike spam

100 – if you read through the whole list you are even more bored than i was while i wrote it. you also need a life. maybe less than me but all the same. or maybe you are interested in me. in which case you can drop me a line. oh my good! I really need a life