Archive for psychosis

TV

Day 10,276 – Wednesday – 12 Agrahayana 1930 – 04 Zilhaj 1429 – 03 December 2008

God I love to watch TV shows. During every show, even the ones that I do not like, I get transported into the show. Same goes for movies. And once that happens, I become some sort of another invisible character on the show. And then I get involved with the show.

And then, I get crushes on all the men in the show, and then I feel sorry for not being able to sleep with them, so I start hating all the women. Then the women get dumped and they go completely destroyed so I start pitying them.

And I love the shows.

God! I need love in my life.

Despair

Day 10,274 – Monday – 10 Agrahayana 1930 – 02 Zilhaj 1429 – 01 December 2008

I feel that being dark, hairy, fat, ugly and generally disgusting is causing a serious problem in my sex life.

That is, I am not getting enough and I am sex deprived all the time.

Oh God! It is so difficult being ugly like you wouldnt believe.

Mania

Day 10,213 – Sunday – 09 Bhadra 1930 – 28 Shaban 1429 – 31 August 2008

Sundays. The one day in the week when after the excessive socializing, sleep deprivation and Saturdays one is given some peace and quiet. People who are not schizophrenic paranoid psychotics anyways. But, who am I to judge my own kind. For people in general, I have decided not to differentiate amongst the different kinds of people and be politically correct, Sundays are a great day. So are they for me.

Of course this includes eight hours of excessive Dilbert, obsessive compulsive overeating and a socially unacceptable quantity of sleep. If I dont control my mouth I will turn into a non baby Rhinoceros. Dont wish me luck, and please, please, please, please, dont hold your breath either.

Bizarredeficonnectoutrearth

Day 10,174 – Wednesday – 01 Sravana 1930 – 19 Rajab 1429 – 23 July 2008

The title can be broken up as; bizarre is weird; defi is lack of; connect is connection to; outre is outer; earth is world. Hence weird lack of connection to the outer world.

Since this morning I am feeling an absolute disconnect between myself and the rest of the world. It can not be verbalized easily. I feel as if everything in the world outside me has changed. As if I am in a different dimension and something has changed. I feel the same about myself, but something or rather everything outside me has changed. I have had this very same feeling on two occasions before this. 

The first one and the most vivid and strong one was during my university. I woke up, went back to my university after a two week break. And I felt completely out of sync with whatever was going on there. Completely, as if I have changed completely and each one of my relationships with people and each one of my relationships with objects have changed completely. As if millennia have passed for me but not for anything else. Do I feel emotionally attached to anything else any longer? I now feel as if I didnt. I had to build all of my earlier relationships with people as well as objects again. 

Same thing happened to me about two years ago. Again, I sleep in my world, my dimension, but when I wake up, I am in another world. Exactly similar, yet completely changed. But this one was very mild, but noticeable since I had been through it once. If I hadnt been through it, I am sure I would have noticed this one as well, it was that strong.

And this is the third one. Milder still. Yet still noticeable. A weird and strange feeling. Do not know and can not explain.

Do other people have this feeling as well? Or not? God! Am I really going insane. I have to go watch some porn and see if at least some of my relationships maintain their importance and depth.

PS – Yes they do ;) I have been cured.

Antinonconfrontationalism

Day 10,171 – Sunday – 29 Asadha 1930 – 16 Rajab 1429 – 20 July 2008

I have just realized that I have taken new and rather large strides on the path to being weird, argumentative and open to all new things. This includes the frikking piece of octopus Sashimi I had today. One of the reasons that I do not like Japanese cuisine a lot is that I prefer to eat food that is cooked properly, or preferably does not, at the very least, move on my plate. Long story short I was offered the octopus Sashimi and I tried it just because it was something new and different. And I loved it. Thankfully.

As of right now, if anyone on the face of this planet sends me an email, sms or letter saying something to the tune of “You are wrong” or “No” or “No, you dont” or “Does not” then without knowing the person or the reason behind it I will send a reply of “I am not” or “Yes” or “Yes I do” or “Does too” immediately without a second of thought. This is how bad this is. And to top this off my thing with my cousin where he says “Yes” and I say “No” has hit another level. After one year of sms, emails, facebook scraps, IM messages and 5 second phone calls I continue it ad infinitum. What the fuck is wrong with me.

And a weird, interesting yet disturbing fact about me. While I was doing my daily walk/jog/run thing today my right nipple was erect and my shirt was rubbing against it, yes I liked it for some time, but then I think that it the rubbing went too far and now my nipple hurts like hell. Touching it is like burning it with a lighted cigarette. I feel as if I have divulged too much information.

Fuck.

And the guy that I was having phone sex with last night had an amazing voice. But, dude, the whole Urdu thing, not my cup of tea. Please, please, please lets just have sex in English from now on. Oh, and yes, if you call me a girl again, or refer to me in the feminine gender, you will get kicked in your telephonic groin.

Excuse me. I really feel that I need to have a shrink so that I can be cool as well. And, if there was one, I would be calling him/her right now since I think that is a very major requirement at this moment.

Computers

Day 10,164 – Sunday – 22 Asadha 1930 – 09 Rajab 1429 – 13 July 2008

Disclaimer – As the post progresses there is a marked increase in sex, violent and graphical language. Please proceed at your own responsibility and do not proceed if you are not yet 18 years of age.

This is the first time I am using Pages, which the word processing tool available for Apple, to blog. I have to admit that as a new user of Apple I have to divide the world of computer users into three categories.

The first category is of the users who need to use the computer’s software to the maximum. They need to code in C++ and check if the code works. They need to be incredibly boring on the dinner table, because I don’t want to fucking know that you were able to shorten the code to four lines and now it is using less memory as well as processing power. I have spent four years of my life learning to fucking be an IT guy, and I don’t want to spend one more day at it. Thank you very much.

This category of users will be called the Software utilizers. They need to have a custom built computer with Linux installed on it.

The second category is of the users who need to use the computer’s hardware to the maximum. They need to process video files whilst they play graphics rich computer games. They need to be incredibly boring on the dinner table, because I don’t want to fucking know that you were able to fight off three Zerg rushes before you eventually raided the Zerg camp and destroyed them while the rest of your team could not help you. I have spent years of my life gaming, and I just cannot stand another conversation revolving around computer games any more.

This category of users will be called the Hardware utilizers. They need to have a PC with some version of windows installed on it.

The third category is of the users who need to use the computer’s ability to go basic tasks. They need to check their email, while they listen to music and have a movie on hold in the background. They need to be incredibly boring on the dinner table, because I don’t want to fucking know that you actually learnt that whales are mammals and that your IQ has increased to 70 points. I have spent years of my life dealing with insipid narcissists who have a severe brain deficiencies and I do not want to listen to conversations which push me down the IQ ladder any more.

This category of users will be called the Computer utilizers. They need to have a Mac.

It’s all right. I am not a bad person. I am just vicious and bitter. Also, if I don’t get a whole lot of sex soon, I will be vicious, bitter and perverse. There. Oh, oh, but I am a bed person. I love being in bed. With or without other people.

Wow. If any one of you out there is a psychiatrist, psychologist or just able to assess people, and specifically if you are hot men who will be able to give me love, can you please not email me to tell me that you are insane.

Oh, and yes, whichever one of you searched for “Amazing Gay Sex Karachi” on Google and landed on my blog. Email me now! I need some of that too.

And, I think that if you are a guy, you are not allowed to say fabulous or worst yet – fab. You are not. You are just so not.

See, see, this is what happens. This is what happens to otherwise slightly insane people (read me) when they do not get sex for a very long time. They go stark raving mad! Like me now! Oh My God! I cannot believe I am blogging like this. This is like a fucking scary telephone call when you just cannot hang up because you are stuck in a fucking vicious circle of lies, deceit and self birthing faux pas!

Before I say more. I beg to take to your leave. Good evening and enjoy yourselves. And if you happen to have some good porn quality sex, please do write to me in detail. That seems to be the only sexual intercourse that I will be having in some time.

Bitch Boobies

Day 10,148 – Friday – 06 Asadha 1930 – 22 Jamadi us Sani 1429 – 27 June 2008

I was watching TV and about half an hour ago there appeared on screen a woman who had huge and beautiful breasts. And I mean, perfectly semi circular(spherical), large, ample, supple and absolutely amazing. I would like to apologize to all of my str8 friends for not finding out her name so that all of you could also have enjoyed checking her out online. But sorry. Instead of trying to bring beauty into your lives, I was thinking about what she would look like if she had bitch boobies. I have just concocted the term Bitch Boobies. That is boobies like a bitch. Multiple boobies. I was visualizing the chick with about six boobies. All over her chest and stomach. I think this prooves that I do have the ability to think ever so differently from the rest of my race. But, I think with six boobies, all the more for you boys! Carmen Electra; enjoy?!

I was watching a very song released by Shiraz Uppal. And, despite knowing that you will all judge me and hate me for saying something so seriously disturbingly shocking. But, I think he is very very very hot. And since I do have quite a bit of command over the English Language I will refrain from converting my train of thoughs and consciousness when I saw him to words on this blog. It just might be too much for my readers. And my own conscience when I read it later on

 

Boss

Day 10,130 – Monday – 19 Jyaistha 1930 – 04 Jamadi us Sani 1429 – 09 June 2008

I hate my boss. Dont get me wrong. He is a good guy. He is a good professional. He is a good human being. And he is incredibly irritating. Basically, he is human and that should be enough. But it hardly ever is. Noone wants asshole boss. Some might accept boss. But we all want super boss. Well, they dont exist. At least not in my realm of reality. If you do happen to come across one, please call me immediately, so I can start working with him/her.

Uffffff. The guy repeated the same thing six times today. How the fuck do I know? Why the fuck do I know this for sure? Because I counted. And why in fucks name would I do that??? Because he does repeat a lot and I actually counted.

Why do I get a feeling that I seriously need a life?

In addition to all this excessive talking, I am beginning to realize that I have some version or form of dyslexia. I was reading the previous post and there are times where I have typed the absolutely wrong word. Of instead of Right. And Gone instead of London. And other such things. I do that. I never correct it because I think that is self censorship and that it murders the concept of stream of consciousness.

Wow. Fuck. I guess I can already see a dyslexic mistake.

Now, should I go to a shrink or what?

A a a a a a r r r r r r r r r g g g g g g g g h h h h h h h h h h h h h.

Feeding

Day 10,125 – Wednesday – 14 Jyaistah 1930 – 29 Jamadi ul Awwal 1429 – 04 June 2008

Saturday night, a large group of losers, me and my friend HS and his wife decide to go for food on the highway. Mind you, Saturday night. The rest of the world is getting drunk and then having meaningless lovemaking on banana leafs and persian carpets. And we are going for food to the other end of my known universe. After travelling through disgusting traffic, we reached the desired location. Fed on inordinate amounts of fatty, fried, meaty delights. And, to our most utter surprise, on our return journey, decided to take the Liari Expressway, and were home in less than half an hour.

I would have to say that after eating for three people, returning home at midnight, sleepy as mary-fucking-hellish-poppins it was an absolutely amazing surprise to cut half an hour of traffic from our drive. I would rate it at 0.789302 orgasms.

Oh, and despite the exercise (I ran 2.7 Kms today) I dont see any drastic changes. The patrician signage of the extended stomach is there. My butt is still large and squashy. And of course, I realized today, that I have man boobs. I mean fucking shit. If I wore an A sized bra; it would actually do me good. So I guess I will shift to absolutely nothing other than fruit for lunch.

Damnit! I want something to email and tell me he loves me, and meet up with me and make ever sweet love to me whilst respecting me as a person and loving me back. WELL!!! And in case you are reading this (stupidest fucking brainless logically devoid question to ask) and you are not that guy, please set me up with a friend of yours.

Thank you, and good bye. From yours trule, psychotics united.

Juices

Day 10,116 – Monday – 05 Jyaistha 1930 – 20 Jamadi ul Awwal 1429 – 26 May 2008

Life has been all about juices lately. Creative, Orange and love.

I had decided that I will change things about my life. I will do things I have not done. I will do things that challenge me. Not like my fucking work, which can be done properly by a monkey, after a bottle of whiskey, or three. I wanted to learn a foreign language and learn to either sing or play an instrument. As per the rules of my life. Mr Jalaluddin had to be absolutely confused about everything and every element of life. It took me one year to decide amongst French, Persian, Turkish and Italian. I agree this list is very strange and knowing me as an absolutely psycho should not have even allowed you to ask the question of why this list is wierd. I decided that I will go for French. The reason? My friend joined the classes and dragged me to them as well. Not at all as exciting a reason as anyone can hope for. Definitely not as exciting as hot French men daubed in Azure paint running naked at the language training centre. If only!

I also wanted to learn either to sing or to play the Guitar, Drums or the Tabla. Again, as per the rules of engagement, one of my friends told me to “Grow the fuck up and learn to sing”. Of course that was simply because he wanted to play the Guitar and wanted to play music with me without having to share his Guitar. But, all in all, in the end. I get to sing. Yay! Jalal, you are an absolutely stupendous idiot. Oh shut up!

The Creative juices have started to flow.

As part of my overall strategy to improve my life, and my health. And to ensure that I do not turn into an overgrown fat hag that is bitter and does not get any sex at all, I have started to change my diet and exercise. The only change in my diet is that now I eat as many fruits as I can get my hands on, so all other items of food have gotten reduced in quantity now. And I exercise by going for a walk/jog for forty minutes a day. It is doing me good. So, as per this new development I have had the opportunity to taste fruits and fruit juices all over the city. I am absolutely in love with fresh fruit juices. Just a random example will the the Orange juice at Dunkin Donuts, it is extremely frothy, but is amazing.

The Orange juices are amazing.

And now, to the most, wicked, cruel and absolutely naughty detail. Now, first of all, any or all of you, who do not want to know sexually explicit or disgusting details, please avert your eyes, because I promise this is not a pretty sight. The rest of you, enjoy to your heart’s content, because I feel absolutely ecstatic in bringing this information to day. Today, I had semen on my shirt. It was mine. A tiny mishap during my morning routine. I didnt realize it before I got into my car. Then I knew. I got so excited by the sheer vulgarity and perversion of the action that I spent the whole day extremely over excited and hyper productive at work. I was at least twice as productive as I am usually. I am such a slut!

The love juices are flowing as well!

Oh, and yes, I am absolutely in love with Mark Wahlberg.