Archive for relationships

Break ups

Day 10,289 – Tuesday – 25 Agrahayana 1930 – 17 Zilhaj 1429 – 16 December 2008

First, I would like to announce, albeit with a pang of guilt and sorrow, that it seems that I am not into self obsessed narcissistic dicks any more.

So, if you want to meet me only because you want me to drive you to some place where you can have coffee and then buy something that you were supposed to buy anyways and I am just the stupid prick who drives to your place, picks you up, takes you out, then buys your stuff for you and then drops you back home. And, if you will never ever call me or message me but make an issue if I dont call you any given day. And basically, if you are a self obsessed narcissistic vapid moron who does not have the ability to realize that two people make a relationship and that you have to respect other people then I am sorry, but it is over between us.

That being said. I am single again.

God!

It is so fucking pathetic, I can not even begin to describe.

Coitophobia

Day 10,273 – Sunday – 09 Agrahayana 1930 – 01 Zilhaj 1429 – 30 November 2008

Ok. So, I think that after my recent “relationship” I am going to be afraid of relationships and sex.  Voila, a new phobia is born.

I am not going to date fucking idiots simply because I think they are hot.

Monogamy

Day 10,246 – Friday – 12 Asvina 1930 – 03 Shawwal 1429 – 03 October 2008

1 – I feel that there is something wrong with me and I dont feel the want or desire or the excitement of blogging any more; at all.

2 – I hate the concept of monogamy. Hate it!

Writing

Day 10,178 – Sunday – 05 Sravana 1930 – 23 Rajab 1429 – 27 July 2008

And as suddenly as it started. The writers block is over. I have so much to write about. I am suddenly very happy, very excited and very high on how things are with me. Although the fact that I am not immeasurably rich and have the sexual capacity of a rabbit and the choice of sexual partners similar to Justin Timberlake is a constant nag, but I move on in life and enjoy what I do indeed have, as should everyone else, except the fact that this is such an incredibly long sentence that anyone who is still reading has not idea what I am talking about, hence the requirement for psychosis inhibiting pills to be crushed and added to my meals on a regular basis.

So, my ex fiance wants to get back together with me. I don’t know why. She broke off the engagement because she felt that I, read the word “I” again in a very self obsessed narcissistic manner and you will understand the actual pronunciation, had too many issues. Of course I did. No one is perfect. Then why are you coming back to me to beg, and I mean beg, me to take her back. Why? I am so confused? If I didn’t hate her enough for having rejected me, as would anyone else on the face of this planet who does get rejected, I would start doing it simply for this idiotic thing that she has started. I mean come on. You rejected me, left me, dumped me and broke of our engagement. And now you want me to take you back. I am sorry, but revenge is a dish best served cold. You left me once, and I am doing it now. I love being a heartless, calculating, evil man. It is so satisfying.

And then, as if my life was not stressful enough with all the excessive hunting for sex, I get a phone call at 1 am in the morning, it is NA’s mother in law saying that NA has not come home, is he with me. Of course, being a man, I immediately tell her that he was with me, but he must be at the game, at this time his wife takes the phone and starts talking to me. I am very very scared for NA. But, I cant show it, because, one – his wife will get worried, and two – he is my friend so I have to lie for him. So I tell her that he may not be able to use his phone because it was not working during the day. I am so delectably evil and yet available for sex at short notice. I change in 57 seconds, yes I saw this on the watch, and got to my car to find NA the idiot. But, just as I was starting my car, three minutes after the call, NAs wife calls me and tells me that he just called. I am so amazingly nice and yet available for sex at short notice.

Oh, and yes, me and my friend HS went to the wall on the beach. Amazing. It was incredibly cloudy and windy and the waves were absolutely crazy. Loved it. And since HS’s wife reads this, no, we did not smoke a lot. We are both trying to cut back, and we are both reasonable adults who do not lead self destructive lives. There, I said it!

Why the fuck cant I dance well. I hate not being able to dance well. Fuck!

Net Dating

Day 10,152 – Tuesday – 10 Asadha 1930 – 26 Jamadi us Sani 1429 – 01 July 2008

Being a gay guy in Pakistan means a lot of things. One of them means that one has to go the extra mile to find other people. Since I am very bad at keeping friendships / acquaintances intact in the gay circle I need to find new people online all the time. There is a very small group of gay people, about four or five, who I am in regular contact with, and recently they have even set me up with a couple of guys. But, suffice to say, the internet is the primary medium of finding sex, lust, affection and love in my life. Could things be geekier. No. Could thing be wierder in the Pakistani environment. Yes. Thankfully for me. Despite be delightfully insane I am only marginally lower than the national average. Good for social life, bad for overly sensitive self elevating ego.

Of course there are so many absolutely interesting things emanating from the whole concept of internet based dating that I would be exceedingly cruel, stupid and boring not to recount some of my favourites.

Of course the most interesting of all is the details. In order of appearance these are; the first question asl (age sex location); the second tbvo (top bottom versatile oral); and the third stats (general idea of visual appearance). Then there is some descriptive discussion and eventually there is the exchanging of the name and email and phone number. Now, the rule is, you can lie about your name (only if you in the closet). That is it. You can not lie about any of the other details. If you are 6’0 high, then you can not tell me 6’2 because when I meet you I am going to fucking see through that. You fucking imbecile. You can not fucking lie about direct physical appearance cues. Moron! So, I get this guy today, he tells me he is 28. Then after we decide on where and when to meet, he asks me “what is your real age?”. I tell him “It is the same as the fake age I gave above, what is your real age?”. It was 30. Idiot. I decided not to suck his dick in the next 20 minutes when we were supposed to get together. And of course, the same goes for penis size. Dude, if it is 6 inches I will know. Dont tell me it is 7.5 inches. Or I will leave you hard and dry, in bed, like I did another jerk. I mean, fucking idiots. Do they think everyone else is blind. And of course the lying only makes it worst when you are discovered.

So, people out there. Please do not lie about things. Because when you do get someone interested in you. It will be worthwhile. And the sex will be, oh so much better!

There was this guy I met a couple of days earlier. Nothing. So, I decided to send him an sms stating, “Dude, lets just not continue this. It would never have worked out in any way”. I get a reply, “Who is this?”. To which, after much relief I replied, “Good. Done!”. And as simply as that, the whole thing is over. I love language.

Oh, Oh, Oh! I met this married guy online. According to him, he is a pure top. Question – What the fuck is a pure top? Is it a bottle headed moron who can not understand that sex is about pleasure? I dont care about the answer, I am fucking him anyways. Also, according to him, he takes a very long time, so I need to be ready to suck for a very long time. Very good. More dick for me! Moron dick that is.

As a matter on enquiry, to ask what my other friends, gay friends, think of the situation. I asked them if it was ok to sleep with a married guy. So, six out of six friends recently polled were of the opinion that it is perfectly ok. There were two basic opinions. The first one was that the management of his marriage and relationships is his problem and his issue and does not concern me. The second one was that married guys are amazing in bed and hence must be allowed to conduct their handywork. Good!

Madness

Day 10,102 – Monday – 22 Vaisakh 1930 – 06 Jamadi ul Awwal 1429 – 12 May 2008

What utter, absolute, insane, useless madness! Why the hell do I get a proposition of the softer kind from a woman every fortnight. Why? I shall pen my reply for the coming generations to read. No, I do not want to sleep with you. No, I do not want to fall in love with you. No, I do not want to marry you. And no, I do not want to spend the rest of my life fathering your children. Thank you very much. I would rather have sex with OC from work, if only I had the courage to go upto him and he turns out to be gay, and if he is interested in sex, and if he is interested in me and we are able to find a suitable setting that will allow sex. And now that I have shown you all how seriously I feel about being propositioned by women I think I will still be able to marry a lesbian. Insane, you say? Yes, I reply.

Longish story shortish, doesnt make sense, but I went out for dinner with FF. Now she is a very close friend of a very close friend. And for some reason she thinks that the dinner was not a dinner. She thinks it was a “Dinner Thing”. I will give my listing of engagements below, but till such time, a dinner thing with FF is not a good thing. I can do dinner things with men, with whome there are possibilities, but with women it is just disturbing. As is all the incessant chatter about feelings and emotions. For Goodnesses sake, if I had feelings and emotions I would be menstruating right now.

So, I have no idea what to tell FF. She is expecting something, a call or another dinner or something. And here I am fuck scared of what to do. Maybe I am becoming a normal man, fear of commitment, not calling up women you meet up. Etc. Etc. But, all the same, I cant tell her I am gay, so I need an excuse.

Ladies? Your help required. Which is the best possible excuse?

Another thing, since my engagement has fallen apart and I was uncereminiously dumped by Dr Sahab after having fallen in love with him, women just cant get enough of me. I tell them that even though I didnt like my fiance I was ready to do it for the sake of family honour and she still dumped me, I can see the expression in their eyes stating firmly that my fiance was an idiot and I am God. Of course when I talked about Dr Sahab (converted into a female of course) and the fact that I fell in love with him (her sic?); the eyes, the eyes of the women I tell this to; their eyes become mellow and soft and pink. I can not explain. It is as if in their personal list of human beings I have climbed up twenty billion rungs of the ladder of humanity.

Ah, to be able to manipulate. I love it!

Speech

Day 10,097 – Wednesday – 17 Vaisakh 1930 – 01 Jamadi ul Awwal 1429 – 07 May 2008

Although I am certain of the fact that nothing I say or do has the power of amazing any of you any more. But, even then, I will say it. I am a over excitable. When I exercise regularly; when I work less than ten hours a day; and when I do not have my personal life crashing around me I turn into super Jalal. There, shock!

What I mean by super Jalal is someone who walks very fast, talks very very fast, thinks faster than he is able to express in any given format, and most of all has his sex drive shooting across oceans. Bascially, long story short. I am super Jalal since Monday. Work has settled down. I am over Dr Sahab. I am exercising like a freak since I noticed that the previous month of slight exercise and diet control has started to make a visible difference. Please excuse me while I hit my head on the roof repeatedly.

And one interesting that happened today was a one hour call with Dr Sahab. Now that we are better off as “just friends” we really like to talk to each other. So he said something that made all of my previous psychotic fears and neurotic phobias suddenly come to life. He said that there are some people who completely think about something that has happened when it has not occurred at all. I have no idea what he was talking about. Was he talking about us. Becuase I remember occasions which meant that this is a relationship. Did he mean us breaking up. Which I am sure we did since he SMSd. Or, did I hallucinate this? Or did I have a psychotic / neurotic episode?

What the fuck was he talking about. Why the fuck am I so absolutely insane that at the slightest hint of someone saying something I start questioning myself? I need to get laid! Bye ;)