Archive for shopping

Mondays

Day 10,032 – Monday – 24 Safar 1429 – 13 Phalgun 1929 – 03 March 2008

So, after work, my friends decide to drop me off. I agree. I am stupid. After a while I learn that they want to go to this summer clothing exhibition. Mausummery. At Marriott. I am stupid. I decided to enjoy it. I am stupid. So, we went there. The hotel had too many women roaming about. I should have gotten an idea. I am stupid.

When I entered the exhibition I was shocked to the very core of my being. Women, after seeing another thousand women and two hundred varieties of clothing go completely insane. Completely insane. They have no idea where they are. They have no idea what to do. They just move, as if my the powers of God, towards whatever piece of clothing they like. They do. I saw it today. And I will not be dissuaded by anyone telling me the contrary.

Those women were nuts. I got pushed by them. Some of them pushed me as they hurtled headlong into throngs of women gathered in front of the clothing items that they wanted. I felt like I was forced into a world of excessively large billiard balls and clothing. Those women would push and shove and shout and laugh and scream with glee. It was the scariest experience I have ever had with women. And this includes living with my mother and sisters. It was scary beyond all calculations. It was scary. I have been scarred for life.

But, one good thing came out of it, I think I have a much deeper understanding of women now, through this one experience, than I had throughout the period of my engagement. I saw the blank stared of the women moving towards clothing items. I saw it. And I was very very scared. Now, I know. I know you all for what you are. I know!

After this harrowing experience into the inner workings of the female brain me and a friend went out for coffee. And there, I saw two things, the sexiest man for the last quarter. That is three months. And the sexiest gadget for the last year. That is twelve months. The new Mac, the wafer thin light as fucking hell one.

I just could not decide on, given a choice, which one to have sex with, and which one to marry. I was just so seriously confused. But, in the end, the guy won. I did not do anything, but I think he was so cute, I can oil him up and massage him for anywhere between ten minutes and ten hours. Oh God. This excessive obsession with sex is definitely not good. Is it?

Smorgasbord

Sunday – 16 Safar 1429 – 05 Phalgun 1929 – 24 February 2008 

My belief in the existence of a supreme being, lovingly called God from now on, has been strengthened in the past couple of days. I have suddenly been put through a set of extremely varied experiences since Friday morning. I am sure this God person wants to show me ways to love what he has created. If only he worked this hard to get me sex with Mark Wahlberg, I am sure my belief in him would be awakened beyond all previous records.

So, I go to work on Friday. Over excited about how things are working out, doing my mental calculations. And then a sand storm hit the city, and wham, I am in the loo coughing, sneezing and feeling miserable. My boss thinks I am trying to avoid work. And, I am trying to tell him that he can get a clue from my red eyes and the fact that I have tears dripping from my chin that there is something wrong with me. No, you idiots, slow brained cows, I was not crying, I got a fucking eye infection. I hate infections of all kinds. Though I do like the odd cold, makes me feel sexy. Perverted; but sexy.

Then comes Saturday, I go on an interesting date, the guy does NOT like me. He does NOT like me at all. AT ALL. I am sure you all see the excessive capitalization. I liked him. But, he DEFINITELY did not like me.

So, to get over that, I went to a book store. My old nemesis. I have to decide on a small amount, and then try not to exceed ten times that figure. But, this time I really did go overboard, and bought books worth about 23% of my take home salary and about 16% of my total salary. Crazy, weird, insane? Yes please, with an added dollop or fat free creme. And this is exactly why I have to take someone else along with me when I go shopping. I would max out my card buying stupid cup holders when I know I dont need them.

I think ill just put up a huge sign on my office table “Therapy needed here”. Because, as of now, I dont feel anything else can define me so well.

And then, I went crabbing at night. Amazing experience. The whole family went. And of course, eating at least 25 crabs and 25 shrimp is not a general human’s idea of fun, but when you have practically frozen solid because of the full blast cold freeing winds the only thing you can think of is eating. Eating to your heart’s content.

Ugghhhhhhh. I think I need to sleep today!

Laptop

Monday – 04 Ramazan 1428 – 26 Bhadra 1929 – 17 September 2007

It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good desktop computer must be in want of a laptop. I for one, seem to be going through this very period in my life. There is confusion, there is chaos and there is low self esteem (for no other reason except it being my regular reaction to things).

Being an ardent fan of computers and computing I have always gone for big machines. Large in size, good to look at and powerful as fuck. There was a point in time when I actually used to tell friends what to buy because it will be good to them. I have actually sold things to get money to buy bigger, more powerful computers every year and a half. I admit it. I am a computer lover. There, I said it. I don’t care what society says. But this is what I am.

And now, enter the laptop. Small, compact, convenient, sober, helpful, versatile and comfortable. Laptops are like the perfect partners in the rough sea of life. They are there when you want them. And they are not there when you dont want them. And you don’t have to call them every day. And you don’t have to tell them that you love them. They are just so perfect, no strings, just companionship.

So, the question arises, should I, so used to the powerful freaks that satiate my computing needs, instead opt for a more comfortable if less powerful companion? Should I give out double for a thing half as useful? Should I take the great leap from a fucking moron computer dope to an ass hole snobbish laptop freak? What are the option. I am getting older, my options are becoming less numerous, social pressures are mounting. What will Jalal do? I ask myself as other ask themselves while judgeing me. This is not nearly as kinky a perverted bitch that I can become. I can do more. But, in the meantime. I will buy a laptop. And I will get a good broadband connection to go with it. The days of downloading loads of stuff from the internet are coming back.

Shopping

Friday – 17 Jamadi ul Awwal 1424 – 27 Asadh 1925 – 18 July 2003 

wonderful weather. i repeat wonderful weather. dark clouds. light rain. cool breeze. sun breaking clouds in some places. my favourite weather ever(concepts of good weather are VERY different for pakistan and america/europe)

so what is wrong. you are usually bitching in your posts. whats wrong now. well nothing much. just that something happened to the internet. it went down. the connection to server went down. i didnt have internet for about 12 hours. i tried and tried to fix it but failed. then i got a stream of friends to check it out. finally the guy from the isp came and fixed it. i hate that company. i hope they all fall down directly on their noses.

thats about it for my rants. now i will continue with something useful. i had to go with my sister for shopping today. something that tells you about pakistan. also something where i am SHOCKINGLY still bitching.

no no. no no no. no no. it wasnt fun. it isnt fun. ask any pakistani man. anyone from amongst those 75 million that we are. and the answer will be the same. WE HATE TO GO SHOPPING WITH WOMEN !!! sometimes we pretend we like it but we dont. we HATE it. my sister spent 4 hours sifting through clothes and shoes. 4 FRIKKING HOURS !!! and she just got one of each.

i had to sit in one store for about 1 hour. 1 HOUR ! while she looked at stuff. every time asking me for my opinion and after i gave it then going ahead as if i never gave it. saying to herself loud enough for me to hear. men dont know about this. i was ready to scream. she kept on like this for 4 hours. ok i am gay. i am effeminate. but today prooves that i am a man. i am as man as a man can be.

i dont know what the american conterpart of this scenario is. it is just the defining difference between men and women in pakistan. men cant go shopping with women in pakistan and like it. it is as plain as a penis and a lack of it. but you cant check that in the bazaars can you?

i have noticed that in my posts. i bitch a lot. maybe more than all the world blogging community put together. well next time maybe just maybe ill post a non bitching post. if anyone wants to see that tell me. so i might try at least for your sake.