Archive for shrink

Antinonconfrontationalism

Day 10,171 – Sunday – 29 Asadha 1930 – 16 Rajab 1429 – 20 July 2008

I have just realized that I have taken new and rather large strides on the path to being weird, argumentative and open to all new things. This includes the frikking piece of octopus Sashimi I had today. One of the reasons that I do not like Japanese cuisine a lot is that I prefer to eat food that is cooked properly, or preferably does not, at the very least, move on my plate. Long story short I was offered the octopus Sashimi and I tried it just because it was something new and different. And I loved it. Thankfully.

As of right now, if anyone on the face of this planet sends me an email, sms or letter saying something to the tune of “You are wrong” or “No” or “No, you dont” or “Does not” then without knowing the person or the reason behind it I will send a reply of “I am not” or “Yes” or “Yes I do” or “Does too” immediately without a second of thought. This is how bad this is. And to top this off my thing with my cousin where he says “Yes” and I say “No” has hit another level. After one year of sms, emails, facebook scraps, IM messages and 5 second phone calls I continue it ad infinitum. What the fuck is wrong with me.

And a weird, interesting yet disturbing fact about me. While I was doing my daily walk/jog/run thing today my right nipple was erect and my shirt was rubbing against it, yes I liked it for some time, but then I think that it the rubbing went too far and now my nipple hurts like hell. Touching it is like burning it with a lighted cigarette. I feel as if I have divulged too much information.

Fuck.

And the guy that I was having phone sex with last night had an amazing voice. But, dude, the whole Urdu thing, not my cup of tea. Please, please, please lets just have sex in English from now on. Oh, and yes, if you call me a girl again, or refer to me in the feminine gender, you will get kicked in your telephonic groin.

Excuse me. I really feel that I need to have a shrink so that I can be cool as well. And, if there was one, I would be calling him/her right now since I think that is a very major requirement at this moment.

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Likeness

Day 10,029 – Friday – 21 Safar 1429 – 10 Phalgul 1929 – 29 February 2008

Now, I know I am a self centered narcissist. I also know that one of my many fantasies is having to spend all my time with 100 perfect humans who keep asking me about myself (read, I am their centre of attention and thoughts) and who keep telling me about just how absolutely perfect and good I am (read, I am the most perfect being on the planet). And then, I actually have the audacity, to tell myself that I am not competitive. Bah, humbug! Oh, and yes, if this was not enough, I have started talking to myself in the car again. And, the person on the passenger seat, now talks in a British accent. I am very very worried about him. And me.

After saying all this, the general level of evilness of my friends becomes apparent after the following things happen to me.

So, like all normal 27 year old human beings, I saw someone in another car who looked at least more than 97% like me. Exactly, so, like all normal people, I sent the following sms to about 17 of my close family and friends “I just saw someone who looks exactly like me “. I expected everyone else to call me up immediately and telling me that they think it is an absolutely amazing occurence and can not go to work for the next one week because they are completely awed by this mundane detail of my life. And I expected at least one of them coming up with the statement that they cannot think anymore because of the profound nature of my revelation and end up spending their life writing two books about me and my ideas.

But, like self centered hags, I get the following replies,

Little Sister – Let me guess mustafa kamal:p? – Note – Too sarcastic.
Middle Sister – Who, when, where ??? Did he see u ??? – Note – Too confused.
Guy who sits two desks from mine – AH – Must have been sacred… So now u know how v feel – Note – You misspelt scared, bitch!
Best guy friend colleague – HS – No way.
Best guy friend colleague – HS – You are unique ma luv – Note – Too dismissive.
Female friend colleague – SR – Oh god! Not possible – Note – Too virulent.
Dad – How much
Dad – Met him? – Note – Too engrossed
Colleague who used to sit behind me – NA – Hehe :-) well now u r not the only one who is lovingly chubby. And U must be feeling very jealous now. – Note  – I am NOT chubby.
Best girl friend colleague – SS – Oh my god is that even possible :-/ – Note – Too hateful.
So, basically, when they do end up giving me a lot of attention, I call them names and dismiss them. And when they dont, I hate them for judgeing.

I so seriously fucking need to; a – get laid; b – get laid again 10 mins after the first time; c – see a shrink; and d – not drive the shrink nutso.