Archive for Travel

DBX

Day 0 – Home, Karachi Airport, Dubai Airport, Oh so many beautiful Dubai men, Immigration, Drive home

Day 1 – Spinneys for a phone card, Bur Juman to kill time and check out the city, Burger King for a triple whopper that I could not control at all, CK, Gap, Giordano, Ibn Batuta for a very tired cart ride, Barasti for drinks and chilling, Bar Zar, Madinah Jumeira

Day 2 – Wild Wadi for water rides, Beautiful scantily clad men and women in a water park a la Dubai, Chilis because SD could have eaten two horses, Peanut Butter Jam for live music and that woman with the shrill voice, Casbar for dancing and watching extremely sexy guys

Day 3 – Ikea to get stuff but got late, Fudruckers for an amazing burger with excessive cheese, Festival City for a trip to see the mall, Waterfront Mall, Atlantis to check out the new hotel, Lost chambers to check out a million types of marine life, 360degrees for drinks and chillin, Burger King for the last time

Day 4 – Jumeira beach for checking out the guys and HS for checking out the chick (if HS’s wife is reading this, he was not checking out the chicks but missing you and he didnt even open his eyes), Dubai Marina beach to enjoy the beach, Bur Juman for frantic last minute shopping, Dubai Airport duty free incredibly cute guy flirting voraciously, Karachi Airport, Home.

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Dubai

Day 10,256 – Monday – 22 Kartika 1930 – 14 Ziqaad 1429 – 13 November 2008

Ok, so I am in Dubai.

A few observations.

I thought I was off white guys. But I am not. Still very into white guys.

Lebanese men are so fucking hot.

Travel

Day 10,126 – Thursday – 15 Jyaistha 1930 – 30 Jamadi ul Awwal 1429 – 05 June 2008

The world is much much larger than me and my friend AI wanted, or would have liked, it to be today. We want to go for a week long break somewhere. Anywhere. So, like all hot blooded, brain dead idiots we decided to talk to our different travel agents. Mine in Karachi. His in Dubai. And like the innocent vulture spawn that travel agents are, they decided to fleece us of all our money and then slaughter us and finally sell us for parts. I had a list of 29 locations, AI had a list of 12 locations and all in all we had a list of 36 location that we can go to. Decisions are difficult with so much choice. So we narrowed it down to Istanbul, Sri Lanka and Maldives. Lets see what AI says tomorrow. I want to go to Istanbul.

Amongst the three, the only explanation that I can give for going to Istanbul is, for want of a better word – Phallic. Yes, like all other men out there, I too think with my dick. As is the case. And as it should be. And as I like my men. Women do not like it. They do not agree with it. But, for men, there is one thing. Breeding. And that is it. So Sri Lankans and Maldivans dont do it as much for me as Turks. And as Turkey is open Homosexually and there are clubs and stuff. I am getting too far ahead of myself. Of course, the one week will be a drunken haze of walking through bazaars, going to clubs of the “G” kind as my friend A from Lahore likes to call it, and of course enjoying the beautiful city.

Oh and yes, whichever one of you readers was searching for “gay love in karachi” and landed on my blog. Please, please, please, send me an email. Now.

Hatred

Day 10,060 – Monday – 11 Chaitra 1930 – 22 Rabi ul Awwal 1429 – 31 March 2008

Well, what with the whole idea of moving to another city and spicing up my life. I ended up looking for jobs all over the place. And, instead of a job in Istanbul, Paris, London or New York as I wanted. I now have jobs in Beirut, Manama, Dubai, Karachi, Lahore, Islamabad and Singapore. What the fuck. I am going to opt for Beirut if I get the chance. Yes, yes, I do all my thinking with my dick! That is how things are. I am considering Beirut and Singapore. Manama and Dubai are just so seriously fucking artificial I might die there.

And, as opposed to the workaholic psychotic Jalal of 2005 and 2006, I hate Mondays now. I just hate them. I wish I could sleep in late on Mondays. And of course I now think that five hour work weeks are a good idea.

Oh, and yes, if you do not want to intimated about information of an extremely perverted and intimate nature. Please do not read ahead. Basically, you know you need a lot of regular sex with multiple partners when you can consummate yourself within one minute. Happened to me today. Scary. And not so good.

Movement

Day 10,059 – Sunday – 10 Chaitra 1930 – 21 Rabi ul Awwal 1429 – 30 March 2008

So, I went to see two apartments. Fucking sucked. Dirty, dingy, stuffy, smelly hovels! So, I have given my estate agent (definitely non cute, 3 on a scale of 0 to 100) a list of what we want, me, and my friend. And, again, so how seriously fucking difficult is to tell someone directions to a place. What the fuck does turn right from Teen Talwar mean? There are four roads going up to Teel Talwar. I can take a right on any one of them. Oh, oh, yes, right, the road called Road X? Right. It is a two way fucking road, I can take a right and go to two opposing roads. Moron! Oh, ok, the road going from A to B take a right. Thank you. Brainless twit! After this conversation the estate agent was downgraded to a 2.

I saw a movie Cloverfield. Amazing. Good. This is exactly what I needed. A large number of additions to the list of psychological disorders that I already have. It is bad enough that I can not sleep in the dark because I am afraid of God knows what. It is bad enough that I have over a period of time become so psychotic that in any possible reality I can see at least five to ten different alternate realities, which have by now become very regular and at times seem more real than the reality around me. And then, I, Mr Moron, go ahead and watch Cloverfield. I have avoided all movies classfied as Horror for the past two to three years, and then I do this. How much is my IQ again? Equivalent to that of a rather stupid chicken?

Oh and yes, I have another amazing idea on how I want to lead my life. I want to buy a horse, sit on it, and ride away. And keep riding for the rest of my life. And write, while I am not riding. I want to travel the world on horseback like everyone’s ancestors. Yeah, right, as if the idea of spending the rest of my life in a Zepplein/Blimp was not preposterous enough. And yes, as any normal / sane person might have guessed. There are two other idea. In one, I have a Caravan. And in the other a large boat.

Dont, look at me, talk to Jalal. He is the crazy one.

Touring

Sunday – 09 Safar 1429 – 28 Magha 1929 – 17 February 2008

Well, the recent writers block has been violently overturned due to personal, official and political developments.

After the sad demise of my extremely disfunctional and painful engagement, I have been free to partake of the bounties of the world. Despite the psychosis, depression, hyperexcitement, body image issues, obesity and of course the abject fear of meeting complete strangers who might end up killing or looting me I have managed to garner a reasonable love life for myself. Let us not jump any guns. I am not romantically inclined towards anyone right now. Though I have managed to get one or two dates a week for the past one month. And of course, that is quite exciting to start off with. So, I am back in the game.

Gentlemen – Send your applications at my email address. The ability to communicate in human languages, a good sense of humour and of course being sexually attractive will definitely be a plus.

Ladies – If you are of the homosexual inclination and want nothing more than to marry a man who will understand you and has been voted the best-husband-to-be by a group of seven women please send your applications at my email address. A good sense of humour, a proper education and of course the ability to bear offspring who will beat off all the other competitors and hunt the largest prey will be a plus.

On the official front, I was recently sent on a Pan Pakistan training, fact finding and team building tour. Hyderabad, Quetta, Multan, Faisalabad, Lahore, Sialkot, Islamabad and Peshawar. After four flights and seven bus rides over a period of two weeks I have ended up meeting about two hundred colleagues from across the length and breadth of the country. It went very well, I saw more of Pakistan in a two week period than I could ever have in such a short time span. The eve of elections, the sexually charged winters and the mad dash to the next station all added to the overall excitement of an endeavour as insane as I am as a person. After this sentence I can see my English teacher standing behind my shoulders with a cane in her hand. “Propositions, preposition!, PREPOSITION!!!, use them, and stop writing like a dawdly”. I have no idea what a “dawdly” is, but I do not want to be one. I digress, the trip went well. All work and no play.

But, alive to my reputation of having dirty eyes, I present to you a ranking of men from cities across Pakistan, using the following factors – masculinity, beauty, wit, humour, finesse, class and of course added weightage for the first two purely physical factors. Please keep this handy, you will never in your whole life come across a list as interesting as this. Or the previous one, where I counted how much traffic passes in front of the City Court in the evening by hour.

1 – Karachi
2 – Islamabad
3 – Peshawar
4 – Lahore
5 – Quetta
6 – Sialkot
7 – Faisalabad
8 – Hyderabad
9 – Multan

Or course visiting nearly the whole country right before the elections has made me fairly clear about how the election will turn out.

Tera Pakistan Hay

Sunday – 11 Jamadi us Sani 1424 – 19 Sravana 1925 – 10 August 2003   

todays patriotic song. one of the five that i had in american on the 14th of august 2001. i didnt know i had this one as well. the other had been downloaded on the night before the 14th. i was very happy to find this one as we used to sing it a lot as children and it hit me with a lot of nostalgia for the land that i was missing dearly after a 6 week stay in america.

jalal goes amock with hysterical patriotic fervour.

tera pakistan hey yeh mera pakistan hay

tera pakistan hey yeh mera pakistan hay

is pay dil qurban is pay jaan bhi qurban hay

is pay dil qurban is pay jaan bhi qurban hay

tera pakistan hey yeh mera pakistan hay

tera pakistan hey yeh mera pakistan hay

is pay dil qurban is pay jaan bhi qurban hay

is pay dil qurban is pay jaan bhi qurban hay

jis ki buniyadon mein hay tera lahoo mera lahoo

jis say teri aabro hay jis say meri aabro

jis ki buniyadon mein hay tera lahoo mera lahoo

jis say teri aabro hay jis say meri aabro

jis say tera naam is say meri pehchaan hay

jis say tera naam is say meri pehchaan hay

is pay dil qurban is pay jaan bhi qurban hay

is pay dil qurban is pay jaan bhi qurban hay

tera pakistan hey yeh mera pakistan hay

tera pakistan hey yeh mera pakistan hay

is pay dil qurban is pay jaan bhi qurban hay

is pay dil qurban is pay jaan bhi qurban hay

yeh meray quaid ki jeeti jaagti tasveer hay

shaer e mashriq kay khabon ki haseen tabeer hay

yeh meray quaid ki jeeti jaagti tasveer hay

shaer e mashriq kay khabon ki haseen tabeer hay

yeh watan pyara watan sarmaya e iman hay

yeh watan pyara watan sarmaya e iman hay

is pay dil qurban is pay jaan bhi qurban hay

is pay dil qurban is pay jaan bhi qurban hay

tera pakistan hey yeh mera pakistan hay

tera pakistan hey yeh mera pakistan hay

is pay dil qurban is pay jaan bhi qurban hay

is pay dil qurban is pay jaan bhi qurban hay

Pakistan Paindabad !