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Weather

Monday – 27 Jamadi ul Awwal 1424 – 06 Sravana 1925 – 28 July 2003

well brace yourself because this will be a long long post.

i come over to my cousins house last night. needed to get out of the house for a day or two. well so here i am all alone. he went to his college in the morning.

the computer is in front of me. the window is on my left. it is cloudy. overcast with uniform gray clouds. it is raining. there are a lot of thunder. not the shrieking type. the low rumbling type of thunder. there is a cool humid breeze blowing.

the tree right infront of the window is so wet. its leaves are dancing with every drop of rain that falls on them. rain water from the roofs of nearby houses is falling on the street and making a splashing noise. i can hear a mynah bird. with its cooOOO cooOOO. i can hear a sparrow with its chirp chirp.

oh so wonderful i am completely into this weather. it is so wonderful.

i have my favourite music playing. ghazals. and i have been like this for the last 2 hours. now playing ‘jab us zulf ki baat chali’ sung by mehdi hasan.

but there is one thing wrong here. i am alone. i wish if someone was here with me. well i wish if A was here. well i havent chatted with him for the last two days. although i have sent him emails. well i still hope he was here with me. it is cuh romantic weather. oooooooooo. wow lovely ghazal. now playing ‘aa keh sajjada nasheen kaisay hua merya baad’ sung by mehdi hasan.

chaak karna hay ishi gham say girayban e kafan

kon kholay ga teray band e qaba meray baad

i am just feeling so romantic and adventurous today. i dont know why but i think it is the weather and the music. i know that the weather and music have always had a very big effect on me. so is this day here.

i have been reading a lot of blogs lately. looking into peoples lives. looking at what they share. thinking about what they do not share. it is a fascinating world out there. it has so much to see and feel. reading blogs from pakistan to see what people are doing in my country. reading blogs from the world over to see what people are doing and seeing and feeling and thinking in the rest of the world.

it is a wonderful thing. bringing people closer. making them understand each other. with time the artificial lines made by government across the globe will get dimmer and dimmer. we will finally be able to understand each other better. we will finally be able to live like human and not territorial animals.

during the monsoon season (the one we are going through) people bathe in the rain. it is a nice temprature. not hot nor cold. but slightly warmish coolish. the perfect temprature. you do not feel it to be cold despite the wind. you do not feel it to be hot despite the temprature otherwise.

right now. about 5-10 children are bathing in the rain. runnig around. splashing water. jumping in the small puddles. singing songs that children sing during the rain. i remember all of this. i used to do it too. its the same street. the puddles are in the same places. the songs are the same. the houses are the same.

yadish ba khair (oh sweet memory … signifying a deep sense of nostalgia)

well now it is the perfect combination. excellent weather. excellent music. and i am feeling romantic and nostalgic. what more can one want. it is the state of blissful nirvana.

oooooooo. another mehdi hasan classic. this music is giving me an orgasm. baat karni mujhe mushkil kabhi aisay to na thee. jaisi ab hay teri mehfil kabhi aisay to na thee. uffffffffffffff.

i heard that mehdi hasan is in canada. he is undergoing medical treatment there. he is on his last breaths. it is so unfortunate. that a man of his calibre. the shahinshah of ghazal (emperor of ghazal) is dying.

his magical voice enchanted millions for decades. his grasp of music plucked the strings of millions of hearts all over the world. his alaap would send shivers of delight through millions of souls. his voice was an instrument in itself. it was the most beautiful of the instruments. he has the voice that will be remembered in legend all over south asia for ages. along with amir khusrau and tansen.

oh the rain is getting heavier all of a sudden. the children start shrieking with joy. heavier still. heavier still. WHOA WHOA WHOA. wow it is REALLY raining now. i better publish my blog before the power gets cut off and i lose it.

Shopping

Friday – 17 Jamadi ul Awwal 1424 – 27 Asadh 1925 – 18 July 2003 

wonderful weather. i repeat wonderful weather. dark clouds. light rain. cool breeze. sun breaking clouds in some places. my favourite weather ever(concepts of good weather are VERY different for pakistan and america/europe)

so what is wrong. you are usually bitching in your posts. whats wrong now. well nothing much. just that something happened to the internet. it went down. the connection to server went down. i didnt have internet for about 12 hours. i tried and tried to fix it but failed. then i got a stream of friends to check it out. finally the guy from the isp came and fixed it. i hate that company. i hope they all fall down directly on their noses.

thats about it for my rants. now i will continue with something useful. i had to go with my sister for shopping today. something that tells you about pakistan. also something where i am SHOCKINGLY still bitching.

no no. no no no. no no. it wasnt fun. it isnt fun. ask any pakistani man. anyone from amongst those 75 million that we are. and the answer will be the same. WE HATE TO GO SHOPPING WITH WOMEN !!! sometimes we pretend we like it but we dont. we HATE it. my sister spent 4 hours sifting through clothes and shoes. 4 FRIKKING HOURS !!! and she just got one of each.

i had to sit in one store for about 1 hour. 1 HOUR ! while she looked at stuff. every time asking me for my opinion and after i gave it then going ahead as if i never gave it. saying to herself loud enough for me to hear. men dont know about this. i was ready to scream. she kept on like this for 4 hours. ok i am gay. i am effeminate. but today prooves that i am a man. i am as man as a man can be.

i dont know what the american conterpart of this scenario is. it is just the defining difference between men and women in pakistan. men cant go shopping with women in pakistan and like it. it is as plain as a penis and a lack of it. but you cant check that in the bazaars can you?

i have noticed that in my posts. i bitch a lot. maybe more than all the world blogging community put together. well next time maybe just maybe ill post a non bitching post. if anyone wants to see that tell me. so i might try at least for your sake.

Hetrosexuals

Wednesday – 15 Jamadi ul Awwal 1424 – 25 Asadh 1925 – 16 July 2003

the day is going wonderfully. wonderful weather. wonderful aandhi (strong winds, rain, a little dust blowing). in short excellent weather. i go out after such a long time. i roam around the shops and see things and people. it is nice. it is too nice. it is too good to be true. oh dear something is going to happen. something is going to happen. as soon as i realized i am obsessing about something uselessly i stop it. i enjoy the mall. extremely cute guys. well it was nice. then i met a friend. we went to have some tea. suddenly his friend comes along. he is so damned fucking cute i choke on my biscuit and drop dead besides my chair.

the three of us talk a bit. wonderful weather outside. WONDERFUL. cloudy. light rain. cool breeze.(what we call wonderful weather in pakistan is slightly different from america or europe). so we sit around drinking tea. then i notice that the hunk is acting slightly interested. my friend has to go for a bit. i get to talk to the hunk. he was WOW! well we talked for a while. i thought i had met ‘the one’. he was cute and sexy and humorous and smart and educated.

but my happiness was to be squashed. a girl came to our table. she was hot as well. the hunk i was with got up and sat down with her on the sofa. slightly forward behaviour in pakistan. but enough to tell me which two people were interested in each other. and which gay idiot fell for a straight guy who on top of everything was already with a hot girl. we had tea. she was nice as well. but i hate her all the same. then i went home and felt sorry for myself. i am doing this right now by the way.

i am sickened by all this blatant display of heterosexual instincts. specially by men i am interested in.