Archive for weather
Karachi nights
Day 10,066 – Sunday – 17 Chaitra 1930 – 28 Rabi ul Awwal 1429 – 06 April 2008
From 0006 last night to 0614 in the morning.
The night; the senselessness; the reparte; the thoughts; the heat; the campus; the desire; the foreboding; the ultimate question; the weather; the hope; the morning; the ideas; the exchange; the excitement; the emotions; the city; the roads; the tour; the mosquitoes; the feelings; the opening up; the driving; the dawn; the expectations; the wind; the fears; and the feeling of absolutely unbridled youth. Everything. Completeness. And more. Beautiful.
Oh my God. Wow. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. Wow. Oh my Fucking God! Wow! Fuck!
Sedation
Day 10,063 – Thursday – 14 Chaitra 1930 – 25 Rabi ul Awwal 1429 – 03 April 2008
I like drinking. I like being drunk. And I absolutely adore drunk Jalal.
And to think I was indeed drunk Jalal yesternight is indeed a very beautiful memory.
And, to add to all this, I started exercise today. I took the first step towards moving out. I have gone completely sexually insane due to the heat and humidity.
And I am still as confused and psychotic as I ever was.
Life is finally settled down. Good.
Smorgasbord
Sunday – 16 Safar 1429 – 05 Phalgun 1929 – 24 February 2008
My belief in the existence of a supreme being, lovingly called God from now on, has been strengthened in the past couple of days. I have suddenly been put through a set of extremely varied experiences since Friday morning. I am sure this God person wants to show me ways to love what he has created. If only he worked this hard to get me sex with Mark Wahlberg, I am sure my belief in him would be awakened beyond all previous records.
So, I go to work on Friday. Over excited about how things are working out, doing my mental calculations. And then a sand storm hit the city, and wham, I am in the loo coughing, sneezing and feeling miserable. My boss thinks I am trying to avoid work. And, I am trying to tell him that he can get a clue from my red eyes and the fact that I have tears dripping from my chin that there is something wrong with me. No, you idiots, slow brained cows, I was not crying, I got a fucking eye infection. I hate infections of all kinds. Though I do like the odd cold, makes me feel sexy. Perverted; but sexy.
Then comes Saturday, I go on an interesting date, the guy does NOT like me. He does NOT like me at all. AT ALL. I am sure you all see the excessive capitalization. I liked him. But, he DEFINITELY did not like me.
So, to get over that, I went to a book store. My old nemesis. I have to decide on a small amount, and then try not to exceed ten times that figure. But, this time I really did go overboard, and bought books worth about 23% of my take home salary and about 16% of my total salary. Crazy, weird, insane? Yes please, with an added dollop or fat free creme. And this is exactly why I have to take someone else along with me when I go shopping. I would max out my card buying stupid cup holders when I know I dont need them.
I think ill just put up a huge sign on my office table “Therapy needed here”. Because, as of now, I dont feel anything else can define me so well.
And then, I went crabbing at night. Amazing experience. The whole family went. And of course, eating at least 25 crabs and 25 shrimp is not a general human’s idea of fun, but when you have practically frozen solid because of the full blast cold freeing winds the only thing you can think of is eating. Eating to your heart’s content.
Ugghhhhhhh. I think I need to sleep today!
Summer
Thursday – 13 Safar 1429 – 02 Phalgun 1929 – 21 February 2008
So, today was that day. That day. The day that comes twice each year, once when you suddenly realizy during the day that it is no longer winter. And once when you suddenly realize that it is not longer summer.
There is a sudden change of smell. The air feels different, from the chilly cooling air of the winters you jump to the balmy sultry wind of the summers.
Yes, today, I had a feeling that things would have a completely different feeling. Not the winter one, but the summer one.
Ahhhhhhhhh, summers!
Overwhelmed
Monday – 29 Ziqaad 1428 – 19 Agrahayana 1929 – 10 December 2007
I usually hate to question ancient wisdom and present my own ideas completely contrary to general opinion. But, today I must. There is such a thing as an interesting Monday, or maybe even a very interesting Monday. I shall present a summary of day. I am sure I would be unable to present the day in any manner better than this, since it is very late.
Woke up late on a winter morning. Sleeping in a going late to work is just amazing on a cold Monday morning. And to top all that off it was amazing weather.
Finished two tasks in record time and spent the rest of the wasting time since my manager knew that those tasks take two days. What can I say. I am good at what I do.
Had a good, hearty, healthy and tasteless lunch. Put out every cigarette half way; that is when I remembered that I had to stop smoking from today.
Went over to my previous department for some work. And I saw an absolutely hot guy there. And I mean 10/10. Better than any I have seen in the past couple of months (of course this does not include porn).
Joined the gym in my office building. There is no other way of ensuring that I go to the gym. And add to that my neighbour is also going. Good. Now I can be assured for being nagged to the gym on a daily basis.
Came home and had a beautiful dinner accompanied by rain. Such a wonderful addition to Karachi weather at this time of the year.
Gave a close friend a small birthday coffee party at Espresso. That is a good place. I would recommend their breakfast to everyone and their grandmother’s friends.
Hooked up with an old friend. Made out, and completed a list of activities legally, morally, ethically, religiously, socially and culturally incongruent with how life is lived in my part of the world. Getting laid is just such an absolutely amazing experience. And to top all that off, I just can not resist facial hair. I am such a slut.
So, with the above eight activities completed, the last one being highly highly weightier than the rest, I would have to say. Good day today. And hopefully a good day tomorrow. Have a nice day and enjoy every moment of it. And, of course, do not let go of any opportunity to make out and be a slut.
Jalal – Over and out.
Engagement
Saturday – 02 Ramazan 1428 – 24 Bhadra 1929 – 15 September 2007
First of all, apologies to all of you for not blogging regular. Yes, all zero of you. Dont look at me as if you dont know who I am talking about; you know who you are. Moving on, I have been quite busy lately. Just moved to a new department at work, so trying very hard to learn, come up the curve, not make stupid moronic blunders like I do with the choices in my life. That has been taking up a lot of my time recently. Other than work, my room has been flooded with 3 inches of water for the past one month. Thanks to crazy cyclones and thunderstorms in Karachi and my room being in a basement with bad water proofing.
That done, I am getting a chance to blog after a long time today. Seems like I have been restricted to blogging over the weekends only.
All right! All right! I will stop my blabbering rambles and get down to the actual topic at hand.
Coming to the really juicy bits of news about my life. I am engaged.
So, it would turn out that my parents did drag me to Islamabad two weeks ago to see their friends’ daughter. We met over dinner. The girl’s family is very conservative and we were not allowed to talk. But we did sit very close to each other and could hear each other. Imagine making the decision of whether to marry someone or not based on hearing them talking to someone else for a two hour period over a formal family dinner. My life just has to be absolutely strange and unpredictable doesnt it?
I always knew that I have to get married one day or the other. Seemed like an inevitable. Too many expectations and desires from many other quarters that share my life. And my mother would nag the fuck out of my life. So, if it was to be, I might as well select someone I like. There was noone else. So, plan B, arranged marriage. Hence, Islamabad two weeks ago. But, since I am gay and what the fuck else not, I knew that for me any girl would be the same as any other girl. Since this makes my choice useless, I let my parents decide. I knew how they felt about her, so I told them I liked her a lot as well.
The next day we went to my in-laws place for a formal dinner. The gifts that we were to give her were all selected by me. I do have a good eye for things. As was proven later on. Moving on; after dinner was the usual conversation about asking for hands in marriages and combination of families and how happy people are to have us in their family and how this is a momentous occasion and friendship has been matured to relationship. And so on and so forth. Usual traditional one hour conversation. And then, we came back to Karachi the next morning.
I found out two days later that that was my engagement. Although I distinctly remember an engagement being an event with at least a large number of people and food and a clear declaration that there is an engagement going on. But, it seems that the parents didnt feel that way. So, I found out I am engaged two days after the engagement. And marriage is in March.
And, as for the girl, we have been talking for an hour or two on a daily basis since the ‘engagement’ and two weeks is a long enough time. She still doesnt know I that I am gay. Otherwise I have shared everything with her, and she with me. It is so so so so so fucking difficult to have always imagined this very same thing with a guy and have to end up doing this with a girl. Strange. But then again, cest la vie. Seems that homosexuality and marriage seem to be quite compatible in Pakistan. Sex and relationships are different things. Rather sex and sexual attration to a certain gender are different things. Strang, strange.
Oh, from what I have found out about her, I think that if she can only accept the gay thing, and I will tell her only if I know that she will accept it, I think things will work out quite well.
Fuck! I am engaged to be married in March. Fuck! I am so serously going to fucking freak out. I was not thinking about this when I started writing. But, basically, fuck. Guess ill go have some cold water and watch porn to calm down. Take care.
Roomscape
Wednesday – 12 Rajab 1424 – 19 Bhadra 1925 – 10 September 2003
well here i am sitting in my room. slightly warm here but bearable. fan on full. wonderful breeze through the window. i love karachi. it is very very windy. that is why i have a continuous wind blowing through my window. and it is always cool and fresh.
sorry to mlc. but i looked on amazon for ghazal cds. and to be honest i didnt find any that someone should use to get introduced to ghazal. most of them are either westernized popish versions of ghazal or ones that i dont think an american would like due their being quite alien. well i will keep on the lookout for something that you might like to have. or i can mail you a cd or something that i will compose myself to show you what i talk about.
Musings
Sunday – 04 Jamadi us Sani 1424 – 12 Sravana 1925 – 03 August 2003
the eternal question. when will i find ‘the one’. the right answer. shut up man and lemme sleep.
at least that is what happened to me when i pestered my cousin too much. he knows i am gay. he thinks it is sick. he has tried an awful amount of times to str8en me out. but never works. well now i just talk to him about guys and my problems being gay. i am sure he thinks about other things and just nods. with the above paragraph i seem to be like a 35 year old woman whose marriage is going nowhere. but i am not. mind you all. i am not a 35 year old woman whose relationship is not going anywhere.
i am just a guy. sitting besides a window. nice cloudy windy weather outside. all alone at home. everyone else is asleep. i am listening to nice music. getting more and more romantic. feeling more and more lonely. DAMNIT ! now i will have a lousy day. musing all day. desiring to go see the sunset on the sea. desiring to sit with someone for tea at a restauraunt. desiring to talk to someone about stuff i like. desiring to discuss politics, music, literature, art, religion, history or life with someone i love.
desiring too much. getting too little. god i hate it when i am in a good mood. it always leads to a more mellow and down mood. right now i am upbeat. but wait till tonight.
finally some music that you all out there in the west can listen to and relate to as well(west = us, canada, europe, australia, new zealand). this is the time when i talk about what moves me and you guys will also know what i am talking about.
elvis ROX!. ‘unchained melody’ ‘are you lonesome tonight’ ‘always on my mind’ ‘help me make it throught the night’ ‘fame and fortune’ ‘its now or never’ ‘love me tender’ ‘suspicious minds’ ‘wear my ring’ ‘oh danny boy’. i love listening to elvis. i love listening to him when i am down and out. and also when i am upbeat and happy.
presley’s music has depth and beauty. it is melodious when you want it to be. it has the marvellous beats when you want them.
then there is eric clapton. he is one of the very few men capable of giving me an orgasm. i come alive in his music. it is as if you shine sunlight on newly sprouting plants. they come alive and spring to life. that is what clapton’s music does to me. ‘alberta’ ‘layla’ ‘old love'(excellent. always gives an orgasm) ‘bell bottom blues’ ‘wonderful tonight’ ‘lady in red’. eric claptons guitaring is one of the greatest blessings to mankind.
it is a saying here in our part of the world that ‘mausiqi rooh ki ghiza hay’ ‘music is the food of the soul’ i believe in this saying. it is so right. it is so right.
Weather
Monday – 27 Jamadi ul Awwal 1424 – 06 Sravana 1925 – 28 July 2003
well brace yourself because this will be a long long post.
i come over to my cousins house last night. needed to get out of the house for a day or two. well so here i am all alone. he went to his college in the morning.
the computer is in front of me. the window is on my left. it is cloudy. overcast with uniform gray clouds. it is raining. there are a lot of thunder. not the shrieking type. the low rumbling type of thunder. there is a cool humid breeze blowing.
the tree right infront of the window is so wet. its leaves are dancing with every drop of rain that falls on them. rain water from the roofs of nearby houses is falling on the street and making a splashing noise. i can hear a mynah bird. with its cooOOO cooOOO. i can hear a sparrow with its chirp chirp.
oh so wonderful i am completely into this weather. it is so wonderful.
i have my favourite music playing. ghazals. and i have been like this for the last 2 hours. now playing ‘jab us zulf ki baat chali’ sung by mehdi hasan.
but there is one thing wrong here. i am alone. i wish if someone was here with me. well i wish if A was here. well i havent chatted with him for the last two days. although i have sent him emails. well i still hope he was here with me. it is cuh romantic weather. oooooooooo. wow lovely ghazal. now playing ‘aa keh sajjada nasheen kaisay hua merya baad’ sung by mehdi hasan.
chaak karna hay ishi gham say girayban e kafan
kon kholay ga teray band e qaba meray baad
i am just feeling so romantic and adventurous today. i dont know why but i think it is the weather and the music. i know that the weather and music have always had a very big effect on me. so is this day here.
i have been reading a lot of blogs lately. looking into peoples lives. looking at what they share. thinking about what they do not share. it is a fascinating world out there. it has so much to see and feel. reading blogs from pakistan to see what people are doing in my country. reading blogs from the world over to see what people are doing and seeing and feeling and thinking in the rest of the world.
it is a wonderful thing. bringing people closer. making them understand each other. with time the artificial lines made by government across the globe will get dimmer and dimmer. we will finally be able to understand each other better. we will finally be able to live like human and not territorial animals.
during the monsoon season (the one we are going through) people bathe in the rain. it is a nice temprature. not hot nor cold. but slightly warmish coolish. the perfect temprature. you do not feel it to be cold despite the wind. you do not feel it to be hot despite the temprature otherwise.
right now. about 5-10 children are bathing in the rain. runnig around. splashing water. jumping in the small puddles. singing songs that children sing during the rain. i remember all of this. i used to do it too. its the same street. the puddles are in the same places. the songs are the same. the houses are the same.
yadish ba khair (oh sweet memory … signifying a deep sense of nostalgia)
well now it is the perfect combination. excellent weather. excellent music. and i am feeling romantic and nostalgic. what more can one want. it is the state of blissful nirvana.
oooooooo. another mehdi hasan classic. this music is giving me an orgasm. baat karni mujhe mushkil kabhi aisay to na thee. jaisi ab hay teri mehfil kabhi aisay to na thee. uffffffffffffff.
i heard that mehdi hasan is in canada. he is undergoing medical treatment there. he is on his last breaths. it is so unfortunate. that a man of his calibre. the shahinshah of ghazal (emperor of ghazal) is dying.
his magical voice enchanted millions for decades. his grasp of music plucked the strings of millions of hearts all over the world. his alaap would send shivers of delight through millions of souls. his voice was an instrument in itself. it was the most beautiful of the instruments. he has the voice that will be remembered in legend all over south asia for ages. along with amir khusrau and tansen.
oh the rain is getting heavier all of a sudden. the children start shrieking with joy. heavier still. heavier still. WHOA WHOA WHOA. wow it is REALLY raining now. i better publish my blog before the power gets cut off and i lose it.
Changes
Sunday – 20 Jamadi ul Awwal 1424 – 30 Asadh 1925 – 21 July 2003
well life goes on. people meet people. people fuck up. people loose people. life moves on. that was the summary of the last two days of my life.
another overcast day, light rain, cool breeze and wonderful food. ahhhhhh. this is the life.
when i was outside walking aroud it started to rain. i remember actually saying ‘dont rain!’. and when the rain didnt stop despite my order i said even louder ‘dont you dare rain !’. after this i immediately realized that i need some serious psychiatric help and that i am a control freak. to the extent of trying to control rain.
after i came back home it was wild. i had to bicker and nag for 5 hours continuously. with my mom and my sisters. in case you are thinking. yes ! bickering and naggin does help. due to that i got the best room. YEY!. and i have settled down in it with all my stuff. it looks wonderful. it is clean. it is large. it is cool. and most importantly it is the best room in the house.
so i will be joining my new job from monday next week. i am going to be working in a newspaper. editorial section. YEY!. i am so so so happy. maybe i will meet someone there who will be perfect and fall completely in love with him. and he will fall in love with me. and we will sneak into the bathroom for some unchaste activities or other stuff that i better not describe here. or i will work like every other human being on this planet does and keep waiting for someone.
if you want to know what happens stay tuned.
Tuzk e Jalali 