Frozen Shoulder

Day 10,483 – Sunday – 07 Asadha 1930 – 04 Rajab ul Murajjab 1430 – 28 June 2009

I guess all of you guys will have to get used to the fact that I will, from now on, be blogging very irregularly, as in once a quarter or something. Work and other things in life have just become very extreme and do not allow enough time for blogging. I have no idea why, but that is how it is.

So, for now, I am going to have the following goals in life, I want to learn how to speak French and Farsi and I want to learn Horseriding, Swordfighting, Archery and Shooting and I want to be able to write regularly and I want to have a top of the line caravan that I can spend the rest of my life travelling in.

And, I want to have emotion free sex with millions of strangers in exotic cities, locations and places.

But, one does not get everything one wants, and one must learn to live as they are.

In other news, one of the reasons for not blogging for the past three months would be the fear elicited by the fact that my blog has been quoted in both an Indian newspaper / online news source, and now and American one. The closet door is being banged at very hard. For all the actions where I have come out of the closet to my family and friends does not mean that I am ready to do it officially. Not in Pakistan. I can not. Sorry. So, since this blog has started coming into international media showcasing Pakistani homosexuals, I would have to request you people to at least not try to knock on the closet door.

From this I would wonder why we even use the term closet door? Why?

And I will leave you to that.

Oh and yes, the guy who plays Kirk in the new Star Trek, Chris Pine. Fucking yummy.

Mille

Day 10,384 – Friday – 30 Phalgun 1930 – 22 Rabi ul Awwal 1430 – 21 March 2009

Ok. Ok. Ok.

So, this is the 1,000 th post. I wanted it to be special. Then I got extremely bogged down in work. I realize I am becoming boring now. With age and all. And then I didnt get time to write something nice. Lots of things happened. I wanted to write more. But didnt get even the lesser amount of time. It got bad. Things piled on. Time got shorter. I didnt get time to write. The responsibility got huge. And I couldnt do it. It got more difficult with each passing day.

A very vicious cycle indeed.

So here I break it.

Depression is over. For about three months. Thank God.

Work is amazing and extremely demanding of time and life.

Friends are going insane one after the other.

I am becoming boring and irritable.

Things are great.

I went to a Jyotishi and a Tarot Card reader. They both told me it is a very bad time for me. Should get better soon.

Otherwise things are ok with life.

Havent even had time to date anyone or indulge in internet excapades. That busy. Trust me!

So, here goes, my 1,000th post. So hastily ill written it is not even funny.

Ugh. This is disgusting.

Wedding Food

Day 10,297 – Wednesday – 04 Pausa 1930 – 25 Zilhaj 1429 – 24 December 2008

So, the depression is wearing off. Hours and hours of self therapy and telling myself that I need to calm the fuck down have helped. Of course a lot of gay porn was also good thing for me during this trying time.

On an unrelated note, I went to a wedding yesterday. And the food there was absofuckinglutely amazing. And the adding of the adjective fucking in the previous sentence was required because otherwise the meaning to be conveyed would have been lost.

Depression

Day 10,293 – Saturday – 29 Agrahayana 1930 – 21 Zilhaj 1429 – 20 December 2008

Ok. So this is definitely not good. But I am in my depression phase again. I guess this has become so common for me that I can talk about it with a reasonable amount of detachment. With all the anger and hatred targeted at my parents, even though I came out to them, and told them that I am this way, they keep pestering me about getting married and they did not let me move out of the house, even though I could have. I dont think I can forgive them, or I will, or I may, I just know that I have anger and hatred against them. And then there is the inevitable feeling of having lost five years of my life fighting with my parents on this one topic. It is a very long period of life, and I felt I was caged, and I want my time back, but alas, it is the greatest of wishes that can not be fulfilled. And I am angry at myself for not having the courage to tell my parents that even if it will hurt them, and they will disown me, and despite everything, I want to live alone.

See, the thing is that I wanted everything. I wanted to be happy. I just thought that being parents they will allow me to make the choices that will direct my life. They did allow it, but on the other hand  my mother cried every time I mentioned it. Fuck this. I will just keep rambling on and on about these issues in my life. I am going to go put on the TV.

All I can hope for is that during this bout of depression, I dont end up with the cut marks on the wrists like the last time. I hope I am able to reason with myself.

Huntley Ritter

Day 10,291 – Thursday – 27 Agrahayana 1930 – 19 Zilhaj 1429 – 18 December 2008

Yes, you read it right. That is the topic.

Why do I feel, at least right now, that that is the hottest, most sexiest man alive? And I mean kicking any other man out of bed as compared to this one.

Of course that is with his golden goatee.

God!

Oh, and SAK from work. Is very very cute. Of course not as cute as Huntley Ritter, but very very cute otherwise indeed.

And about my friend; I don’t want to sound like I have a low opinion of myself or have any other self image issues, I am very confident and happy with who and what I am. But I think he is too good for me, I am not worthy of him and dont deserve him. I mean, he is everything one could ask for, and hence, yes, I do think about him at times. He does not know about this. And he does not know about this blog. So he will not find out. But; he is a catch. Just not going to be my catch. Oh, and for me, he is at 0.999 Huntley Ritter.

Talk the Talk

Day 10,290 – Wednesday – 26 Agrahayana 1930 – 18 Zilhaj 1429 – 17 December 2008

So, the other day, I met up with a gay friend of mine. Nice guy. Very very good looking. Single. And looking. So, if you are interested, drop me a line. He has all of my good qualities, and to top that off he is fair, beautiful, well built and charming. So, a very good catch. Applications are welcome Monday through Friday from 1900 hours to 0900 hours and even during the day timings on the weekend.

So, two young gay guys, both single and looking, in the same car. The discussion on homosexuality was inevitable. We discussed all the different sorts of guys one meets. How society has shaped them. And how they behave.

There is the i-am-pure-top guy who is an absolute dick, extremely desirable, but completely deflated after an initial burst of producing interest in oneself. And yes, if you are not going to give a blow job, and touching cum is disgusting to you, dude, you are str8, so stop fucking guys simply because you could not get a girl (this is not meant to offend guys who are actually gay and have feelings similar to what I have written above). You can blow me or get the fuck out of my bed.

There is the i-am-oh-so-effeminate guy who is an absolute woman, says he is masculine, then plays with his extremely well maintained eye brows and bats his eye lashes at the waiter shamelessly. Ok, so when we were talking on the phone, why the fuck did you have a fake voice? And why the hell did you tell me that everyone tells you that you are so str8 acting. Dont you think I will see through the ten pounds of hair product, obscenely manicured eye brows, incredibly slated gait and demeanour, and the eye lash batting. Oh please! Dont lie to me, and if you did, you had better sleep with the waiter.

There is the i-am-so-fashionably-cool guy who is in showbiz, says he cares about people and is down to earth, but he has the ego the size of my dick when it is erect (read huge) and the huge flowers on his shirts make him look incredibly gay, and yes, everyone knows that you are gay because your clothes scream it out, and to top it off, if you make fun of my French Pronunciations, you are an elitist dick, even when you are mis pronouncing every Urdu word by default because you want to make sure that you dont seem like you know the language spoken in your city by 99.5% of the people.

There is the i-am-so-emotionally-needy guy who would want to talk on the phone all the time and thinks it is romantic and not creepy, but he doesnt realize that there are people who have jobs and lives and will greet you at 7 pm by “did you remember me now after the whole day?”. My reply until now was, I am so sorry, I thought that since we talked on the phone for two hours last night, one hour of which I was begging you to let me go, I can not call you till seven today. My reply, from now onwards is going to be, shut the fuck up and suck my sugar frosted dick, biyatch.

Oh and yes, sorry, but the quality of your skin is not the only good thing about you. Brainless idiot.

We also decided that in spite of these, and oh so many other negative stereotypes there are many good guys out there, we have both been with some.

And then we started discussing which hotel in Karachi is the best. For having sexual trysts in. We did not reach an agreement. I liked Beach Luxury and he liked Hotel Mehran. Oh well! Maybe ill try it next time.

Break ups

Day 10,289 – Tuesday – 25 Agrahayana 1930 – 17 Zilhaj 1429 – 16 December 2008

First, I would like to announce, albeit with a pang of guilt and sorrow, that it seems that I am not into self obsessed narcissistic dicks any more.

So, if you want to meet me only because you want me to drive you to some place where you can have coffee and then buy something that you were supposed to buy anyways and I am just the stupid prick who drives to your place, picks you up, takes you out, then buys your stuff for you and then drops you back home. And, if you will never ever call me or message me but make an issue if I dont call you any given day. And basically, if you are a self obsessed narcissistic vapid moron who does not have the ability to realize that two people make a relationship and that you have to respect other people then I am sorry, but it is over between us.

That being said. I am single again.

God!

It is so fucking pathetic, I can not even begin to describe.

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